The teacher was telling her students in the sex education class about human anatomy. She took her pointer and pointed to the picture of the female and said, "the female has two breasts and one vagina."

She then pointed to the male picture and said, "The male has one penis."

Little Johnny jumped up from his seat and said, "That's wrong teacher."

"Why do you think I'm wrong, Little Johnny?" begged the teacher.

My daddy has two of them," explained Little Johnny. "One that's about three inches long that he pees with, and another one that's about eight inches long that he brushes the babysitter's teeth with!"
;)

A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot.

The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower. "Help! Help!"

The tower came back and asked, "What's the problem?"

The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!"

The tower comes back and asked, "How do you know you're upside down?"

"Because the **** is running down my back!"

i walked into a bar.... ouch (H)


a blonde and a brunette walked into a bar - the blonde asked for a gin and tonic whilst the brunette was lying on the floor unconscious (H)

:rolleyes:

:gavin:

Whats another name for a push-up bra?
False advertisement. :crazyboy:

wow we never had a jokes thread before, good idea :)

wow we never had a jokes thread before, good idea :)

A son asks his dad:

" What does a Vagina look like before sex?"

He replies:

"A pink rose with lovely soft petals and a perfume aroma"

Son then asks:

"After sex?"

Dad replies:

"Ever seen a bulldog eat Mayonnaise?.

if you want to hear a lot of jokes listen to dave chapelle's stand up called killing them softly.

http://www.jokes.com/

'Cut 'n' paste' the best jokes for us, in this thread please. ;-)

Originally posted by Rochester Rhino
if you want to hear a lot of jokes listen to dave chapelle's stand up called killing them softly.

hahaha so true rochester, one of the funniest stand up comedy acts ive ever watched

joke: why did michael jackson have to go to the hospital?









he ate a 12 year old weiner

dave chapelle is the MAN


im rick james bitch!!!!

what do you call a cheese that is not yours?










































Nacho cheese!

Some classic "Yo Mama" jokes

Yo momma so fat, she got more "Chins" than a Hong Kong Phonebook

Yo Momma so dumb she failed a pregnancy test

Yo Momma's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Don King in a headlock...

yo mamma so fat she had to iron her pants on the drive way

Good jokes! keep posting them!;)

I have a few.

SB9Dragon
Yossarian
Seb
Andrew
Moron
Inter Milan

Thankyou

Yo mama's football knowledge

Yo mama is so dumb, she thought a quarter back was a refund.
:)

here is a good one:)
Little Johnny and his grandfather have gone fishing. After a while grandpa gets thirsty and opens up his cooler for some beer. Little Johnny asks, "Grandpa can I have some beer too?"
"Can you stick your penis in your asshole?" grandpa asked back.

"No"

"Well, than your not big enough"

Granpa then takes out a cigarette and lights up. Little Johnny sees this and asks for a cigarette.

"Can you stick your penis in your asshole?" grandpa asked again.

"No"

"Well, than your not big enough"

Little Johnny gets upset and pulls out some cookies. His grandfather says, "Hey, those cookies look good, can I have some?"

Little Johnny asks, "Can you stick your penis in your asshole?"

Grandpa looks at Johnny and senses his trick so he says, "Well of course I can, I'm big enough."

Little Johnny then says, "Well, then go **** yourself, these are my cookies"

there was a guy who drop inside a river full of crocodile.. y he nv die???





















he wears crocodile underwear

(H)

:crazyboy:

A man decides to have a party and invites loads of people, telling them to bring their friends. On the invitation he puts "Themed Party Come as a Human Emotion"

On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" and the guy says, "I'm green with envy." The host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have a drink."

Gradually the rest of the guests arrive and the party is just getting going when there is another knock on the door. The host goes to open it and is shocked to see two guys standing stark naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and says, "what the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that out there. What emotion is this supposed to be?" The first guy replies,"Well, I'm ******* dis custard and my friend here has come in dis pear!"

--------------------------------------


Usually everyone who has a dog would call the dog Rover or something. I call mine "Sex". Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew HOW embarrassing until one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I was looking for Sex."

My court case comes up next Thursday.

One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said "I would like to have one too!" When I said "But this is a dog," he said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was two years old."

He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex."

He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church.

My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the Motel is for Sex. Then I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night", and the clerk said,"Me too."

One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said, "Show off!" I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets.

When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married" and the Judge said, "Me too."

When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said, "Me too."

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"

I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely."

The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend. Why not get yourself a dog?"


;)

two guys are sitting in a bar, and an old man walks in and starts drinking.......

after several rounds the old man turns to one of the guys and says

"Hey youuu(slobbering)....I know you....yesterday I f*cked your mother....."

the guy looks at him and realizes he's drunk so he doesn't make anything of the comment. BUT the old man continues

"Heeeey.....Yooooouu....I'm talking to you.....I stuck it in her *ss....and she liked it......"

At this point the guy gets a little aggrevated looks at the old man but feels sorry for him, so he does nothing........BUT the old man continues...........

"Heeeey thaasst s right...and after she bl*w me....."

The guy is furious now he turns to the old man and screams.......

"OK DAD I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS WE'RE GOING HOME"

A kid walked into the bathroom and saw his mother taking a shower. He said to her "Whats that big black thing mummy" And she said "Thats my garage"

The next day he walked into the bathroom and his Dad was in the shower he said "Daddy whats that big long thing" And his dad said "Thats my Jaguar"

That night the kid was in his mum and dads bed in between the two. His dad said "Move over son i want to park my Jaguar in your mums garage" The kid then said "You're too late i've already parked my Mini in there.

Couple more:

A man walked into a bar and said Ouch

A magic tractor went down the road and turned into a field.

What do u call a woman with 1 leg? Answer: Eileen

A man got knocked down by a mobile library, and he was lying in the road screaming, and the driver got out and said schhhh

I brought a pack of sausages and on the packet the was a picture of Antony Warral Tompson and it said "Prick with a fork"

http://www.muchosucko.com/video-southparkjoke.html

Originally posted by Thelonious
http://www.muchosucko.com/video-southparkjoke.html
That's a great one(Y)

;)

EDIT: I think the picture is removed from their server :(

Originally posted by Rob
I have a few.

SB9Dragon
Yossarian
Seb
Andrew
Moron
Inter Milan

Thankyou

Good Ones (Y)

*********************

I love this one :D

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE African American guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The small man faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big fellow says, "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown? Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around!'"

:rofl: :funny: :rofl:

here is a good one

True Football Fan

Recently, I was at a professional football game supporting my favorite team. My seat wasn't the greatest, so when i noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, "No".
I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, "My wife use to love to come to these games until she died."

"Why didn't you give this seat away to a friend?" I asked.

He replied, "Because they are all at her funeral."

Good one!:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Intelligent Quotes

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," -- Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president," -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another" -- George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version," -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

“If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn’t have a problem with forest fires.” – George Bush

few more(H)

10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

last one for now
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/media/pic_0193.jpg

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?"

An irish man walks out of a pub





































it could happen u know

ha ha ha ha.

this ones pretty old....



A man, an ostrich, and a cat


A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat and sits at the bar. The bartender walks over to them and says, "What can I get for you?"

The man says "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says, "OK, that will be $3.87."

The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. About an hour later the bartender goes back over to them and says, "What'll you guys have?"

The man says, "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." The bartender gets them their beer and says "That'll be $3.87."

The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. A couple of days later they come back into the bar and the bartender walks over and asks "What do you guys want today?"

The man says, "I'll have a scotch", the ostrich says, "I'll have a bourbon", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says "OK, that will be $7.53." The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him.

The bartender's curiosity got the best of him and he asks, "Why is it that every time I tell you the amount you owe you always have the exact change in you pocket?"

The man said, "I found a bottle with a genie in it and she granted me 3 wishes. My first wish was that I always have the exact change in my pocket for anything I buy."

The bartender says, "That's a great wish...better than asking for a million dollars. A million dollars will run out but that never will. What were your other 2 wishes?"

The man says, "That's where I screwed up. I asked for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy

Originally posted by ishan1990
ha ha ha ha.

this ones pretty old....



A man, an ostrich, and a cat


A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat and sits at the bar. The bartender walks over to them and says, "What can I get for you?"

The man says "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says, "OK, that will be $3.87."

The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. About an hour later the bartender goes back over to them and says, "What'll you guys have?"

The man says, "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." The bartender gets them their beer and says "That'll be $3.87."

The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. A couple of days later they come back into the bar and the bartender walks over and asks "What do you guys want today?"

The man says, "I'll have a scotch", the ostrich says, "I'll have a bourbon", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says "OK, that will be $7.53." The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him.

The bartender's curiosity got the best of him and he asks, "Why is it that every time I tell you the amount you owe you always have the exact change in you pocket?"

The man said, "I found a bottle with a genie in it and she granted me 3 wishes. My first wish was that I always have the exact change in my pocket for anything I buy."

The bartender says, "That's a great wish...better than asking for a million dollars. A million dollars will run out but that never will. What were your other 2 wishes?"

The man says, "That's where I screwed up. I asked for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy

never heard it before, very funny;)

:)

Originally posted by Seggie8
An irish man walks out of a pub








it could happen u know
:kader: :kader: :kader: :f***:

Originally posted by Rob
I have a few.

SB9Dragon
Yossarian
Seb
Andrew
Moron
Inter Milan

Thankyou

Your daddy cried like a little girl when you were born.

Originally posted by RVN


God can you seb and andrew jus get a room :rolleyes:

:)

i have racist jokes... dont get offended.... its ONLY A JOKE!!!


why are there only 2 paulbearers at a black funeral?







there are only 2 handles on a garbage can

son asks while mom is takin a shower mommy why do you have furry hair on the lower bottom of ur bellybutton mom says o its my garden then dad takes a shower son asks daddy wats that long thing? dad says its a snake a few hours later son sees his parents havin sex and says mommy mommy!!! theirs a snake in ur garden!!

hehe that one always gets me lol!!

why did god invent yeast infection????????




























so that women would know what it feels like to live with an irritating ****

David Beckham got back to spain after christmas and found to dustbin men at his house.

Dustbin man 'Mr beckham. Where your Bin?

David 'I have bin over to England to spend christmas with my family

Dustbin man 'No no no, where your dust bin?

David 'Yeh i dust bin over to england'

Dustbin man 'No no no David, where your wheelie bin?'

David 'Wheelie i is bin over to england!

Originally posted by Scotto
David Beckham got back to spain after christmas and found to dustbin men at his house.

Dustbin man 'Mr beckham. Where your Bin?

David 'I have bin over to England to spend christmas with my family

Dustbin man 'No no no, where your dust bin?

David 'Yeh i dust bin over to england'

Dustbin man 'No no no David, where your wheelie bin?'

David 'Wheelie i is bin over to england!


:rofl: !!

NK.

Originally posted by Scotto
David Beckham got back to spain after christmas and found to dustbin men at his house.

Dustbin man 'Mr beckham. Where your Bin?

David 'I have bin over to England to spend christmas with my family

Dustbin man 'No no no, where your dust bin?

David 'Yeh i dust bin over to england'

Dustbin man 'No no no David, where your wheelie bin?'

David 'Wheelie i is bin over to england!

(H)

Gareth (voetballiefhebb) told me this one.

A recent survery revealed that 70% of black people have had sex in the shower. The survey went on to reveal that 30% of black people have never been to prison :p

Lol!

Originally posted by CalumnCFC
Gareth (voetballiefhebb) told me this one.

A recent survery revealed that 70% of black people have had sex in the shower. The survey went on to reveal that 30% of black people have never been to prison :p


Yep, that sounds like him alright.

Originally posted by Dragan T
Yep, that sounds like him alright. The man is a legend. (H)

Originally posted by CalumnCFC
The man is a legend. (H)

I poop on him. (H)

Originally posted by Dragan T
I poop on him. (H) He may be a legend but he's not as sexy as you, Dragan.

:(

"Recently, a racial equality foundation complained the BBC werent showing enough black people on TV. To combat this, the BBC decided to show crimewatch 5 times a week"

Another classic from Gareth :D:D:D

Whats the difference between an Arsenal fan and a vibrator?




















The Arsenal fan is a real dick. :rofl:



Sorry if ur an Arsenal fan, I don't mean it. :p

What has 56,000 arms, and an IQ of 80?


















Highbury Stadium on a saturday afternoon.

Why do Arabs always leave the window open when they're driving?
- Because they believe that the smell comes from outside.


How do you start a Mexican parade?
- Roll a quarter down the street.



Again, no offence to any1. :p

A woman is in a supermarket and gets 6 items: bacon, eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms, potatoes and a magazine. When she's in line, a drunk guy standing behind her looks over her items and says "You must be single." The woman is shocked and disgusted that this drunken idiot is talking to her, but she's amazed because she is indeed single. She's curious as to which item gave away her marital status, so she looks over her items, sees nothing special, and asks the drunk "Wait, how'd you know I was single?" The drunk replies "Because you're ugly"

(H)

Once upon a time, in Saudi Arabia, two men had finally been granted permission to live in America. They were very rich, both oil barons, and both best friends. Also they both loved America, American food, American culture, they couldnt get enough of it, so they decided to make a bet, whoever could become the most American in one year won $1000 off the other. One year later, one called the other round to his American villa to a good old American barbecue to settle who won the bet. The first guy walks in in a large Elvis T-Shirt proclaiming, "My son plays baseball, my daughters a cheerleader and we eat sh!t loads of McDonalds, beat that!" to which the other replied "F*ck off you towell headed wanker"

hahahaha...(H)

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces."

The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."

The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"

The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere."

The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"

The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."

The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"

The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."

Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"

And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."

Q: In Iraqi schools, why do they never teach sex education and driving lessons on the same day?

























A: They dont want to wear out the camel :D:D:D

A guy arrives at Vancouver Airport, he walks into the custom.

The officer asks him, "What is your name?"

The guy answers, "Muhammud Alfardhi Mohammed."

Officer asks, "Age?"

Muhammud answers, "30."

Officer asks, "Sex?"

Muhammud answers, "3 times a week."

Officer asks, "No. I mean male or female."

Muhammud says, "Oh. Both, sometimes even camels."

:)

Don't Eat the Yellow Snow

Once there were two farmers. One had a daughter and the other had a son. When thier kids were teenagers they started dating, and the two farners encouraged it. One day the girl's father went over to the other farmer's house and said that he didn't want thier children dating anymore. The boy's father asked, "Why not?"
The other farmer said, "Come here and I'll show you." In his yard was the girl's name written in pee in the snow.

The boy's father said, "Oh, come on, that's just boy stuff."

The other farmer said, "You think I dont' know my own daughter's handwriting?"

:crazyboy:

Originally posted by CalumnCFC
Q: In Iraqi schools, why do they never teach sex education and driving lessons on the same day?

























A: They dont want to wear out the camel :D:D:D




:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

thats a good one!!

Originally posted by CalumnCFC
Q: In Iraqi schools, why do they never teach sex education and driving lessons on the same day?

























A: They dont want to wear out the camel :D:D:D



:rofl: Oh damn that was funny!

Classic!!! (H)

NK.

****:rofl: :rofl:

these camel jokes really get to me:rofl: :rofl:

2 men, one blind, one stupid, the stupid one says: "Why the f*ck can't you see". the blind man replies "cause I'm blind and you're too stupid to figure it out". :rofl:

I made that one up. :nape:

(forgive me)

NK.

dude, that was a ****ed up joke....

mine is way better.

2 people both def are sitting on a bench...

the first one says "why the **** cant you hear me?" the second one says, "because i'm def"

(H)

Originally posted by ishan1990
dude, that was a ****ed up joke....

mine is way better.

2 people both def are sitting on a bench...

the first one says "why the **** cant you hear me?" the second one says, "because i'm def"

(H) LOL that's about the funniest thing I've heard from you :p

Originally posted by ishan1990
****:rofl: :rofl:

these camel jokes really get to me:rofl: :rofl: Yeah, that's my favourite that I know. Here's some jokes for JJ, no offense intended.

Q: What do you call a Welshman with 40 sheep?

A: A Pimp

Q: Why do Welsh men marry Welsh women?

A: Cos the sheep can't cook

Q: What do you call a sheep tied to a post?

A: A Welsh leisure centre

Originally posted by CalumnCFC
Yeah, that's my favourite that I know. Here's some jokes for JJ, no offense intended.

Q: What do you call a Welshman with 40 sheep?

A: A Pimp

Q: Why do Welsh men marry Welsh women?

A: Cos the sheep can't cook

Q: What do you call a sheep tied to a post?

A: A Welsh leisure centre

thats good:D


A Blonde Finally Wins

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.


this ones so old.... oh well

Barroom Bet

A blonde was sitting down in a bar one day next to a red-head. Both of them were sitting there having a good time and then the news turned on.

The woman reporter shouted out "This just in! A man is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!". Then the red-head leans over to the blonde and whispers, "I bet you $50 that the man's gonna jump!" The blonde responds back "That's a bet you have there!".

So, both of the woman stared at the news waiting to know whats gonna happen. Then, the man jumps! The blonde turns around to the red-head and hands her the $50. The red-head feeling guilty said "I cant take that there money. I saw the news earlier this mornin', i knew he was gonna jump off that there cliff."

And the blonde says "Well, i did too! But i never would have thought that the man would do it again!"


this one kind of sucks.......once again, oh well


Blonde Interpreter

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.

As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?"

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing.

wait, i forgot this one. Old, but someone may not have heard it....

Blonde And Her Job Interview

A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup."Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks - "What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?"

"Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead,"I was just running through that song - 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'

Originally posted by ishan1990
dude, that was a ****ed up joke....

mine is way better.

2 people both def are sitting on a bench...

the first one says "why the **** cant you hear me?" the second one says, "because i'm def"

(H)


joke theif! :f***:

But yeah that was way funnier then mine, you've started a battle now boyo!

******

3 men, The gay, the straight man and the blind man. They all go for a drink. The gay man goes for a p*ss and the blind man follows him. The straight man wonders how he could do that. The gay man comes back and asks for a Pint, the blind man falls off his chair...

The straight man helps him back up, but the blind man insists that he can do it himself. After a few Pints the gay man goes for a p*ss and again the blind man follows him. This time the straight man (who is also chatting up some ladies), is very confused as to how he could do that. When they come back the straight man confronts his friend: "Now see here, how the hell do you know when this poof is goin to the toilet";

"Hey hey, calm down here, it's not like I can't see...I put up blinds for people and besides...I'M GAY"!

*straight man walks out of pub*

************

Hey c'mon guys it's better then my first joke :crazyboy:

NK.

just slightly:(

Originally posted by henry#14
just slightly:(


:rofl:

Yeah, I know...

I'm no comedian. :crazyboy:

NK.

:) :rofl: :rofl: (Y)

Originally posted by CalumnCFC
Yeah, that's my favourite that I know. Here's some jokes for JJ, no offense intended.

Q: What do you call a Welshman with 40 sheep?

A: A Pimp

Q: Why do Welsh men marry Welsh women?

A: Cos the sheep can't cook

Q: What do you call a sheep tied to a post?

A: A Welsh leisure centre Har bloody har... English people and their tiresome Welsh sheep jokes :|:|:|:|:|

And you never guess what's landed in my back garden... ah never mind, been through that joke too many times when Euro 2004 was on... :|

Originally posted by :: JJ ::
Har bloody har... English people and their tiresome Welsh sheep jokes :|:|:|:|:|

And you never guess what's landed in my back garden... ah never mind, been through that joke too many times when Euro 2004 was on... :| Best thing to come out of Wales was a road to England (H)

Nah, I'm only joking, I feel bad now :(

Won't be long and you'll need your passport to enter our country.

Cymru Rydd!!!

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.
"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Originally posted by acmilan101
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.
"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL class - only works written down though :(

Originally posted by acmilan101
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.
"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
LMAO hahahahaha :funny::funny::funny:

ROFL! That joke was mega. :D

NK.

A man rings up a Chinese restaurant after been delivered the wrong order, he's checked who's in charge and he asks the following:

"Hello, I ordered the Crème of sumyunguy and got the wrong order, and I was wondering if you were wan-king the cheif"?

The voice replied:

"No no, I am foo-king the manager"!

(H)

NK.

I went to the Chinese chippy last night to complain - I told them "That chicken I had from here last night was rubbery!!!"

The Chinaman said "Ahhh thank you very much!!!" :ewan:

hehehe....

This one is wee-traveled


Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it."

The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"

"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"

:hump:

Here is a better one (Y)

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Originally posted by nickclubman
joke theif! :f***:

But yeah that was way funnier then mine, you've started a battle now boyo!

******

3 men, The gay, the straight man and the blind man. They all go for a drink. The gay man goes for a p*ss and the blind man follows him. The straight man wonders how he could do that. The gay man comes back and asks for a Pint, the blind man falls off his chair...

The straight man helps him back up, but the blind man insists that he can do it himself. After a few Pints the gay man goes for a p*ss and again the blind man follows him. This time the straight man (who is also chatting up some ladies), is very confused as to how he could do that. When they come back the straight man confronts his friend: "Now see here, how the hell do you know when this poof is goin to the toilet";

"Hey hey, calm down here, it's not like I can't see...I put up blinds for people and besides...I'M GAY"!

*straight man walks out of pub*

************

Hey c'mon guys it's better then my first joke :crazyboy:

NK.



Oh its on now is it??

One day the ass man met a gay guy. The ass man said, "**** you"

the gay guy said " i will"

the two of them had sex!!:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


WTF :|





the "i'm fooking the manager" joke was good:D

2 men who are blind and can't feel, walk into a bar with gigantic spikes, Mr.T then arrives saying I pitty the fool who don't use 1-800-collect. They continue walking unaware that there's a bar lodged in their heads. They're delivering a pizza (cuz they delivery pizza guys). so they knock on the door, guy comes out. Guy says "Hey I said deliver it through the rear". blind man #1 says, "that's what they all say". Guy says "hey why there a bar with spikes in your head?". But by then the blind guys left to deliver another order. so they continue, but cross paths with a crazy chinese delivery man. Nothing happens so they continue walking, then a samurai pops up from nowhere and chops their heads off.

THE END(one part of this terrible joke was "borrowed" from mad tv)

This joke should definately kill the thread, good day.:boyaka:

I don' t thjink you can call that a joke....that was an attempt at a story !:crazyboy:

Originally posted by Limberopoulos21


This joke should definately kill the thread, good day.:boyaka:

i will not let it kill the thread:mad:

Golf Injury

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me!", she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away an laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him: "How does that feel?"

To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."







Ex-Lax Cough Syrup

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough."

Originally posted by ishan1990
Oh its on now is it??

One day the ass man met a gay guy. The ass man said, "**** you"

the gay guy said " i will"

the two of them had sex!!:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


WTF :|





the "i'm fooking the manager" joke was good:D


ROFL! :rofl: I don't know if I'm easily humoured but that joke cracked me up!!!!


NK.

(H)

it has to be said though,

you have a warped sense of humor:D

Francis and Isabella were having their usual battle of the sexes.

"Italian men are all stupid," screamed Isabella

"Oh, yeah?" yelled her husband. "I'll have you know it was an Italian man who invented the toilet seat!"

"And I'll have you know," said his wife, "it was an Italian woman who thought of putting a hole in it!"

---------------------------------------------

Q. How do Italian girls shave their legs?
A. They lie down outside and have someone mow them.

Q. How can you identify the Italian at the Cock fight?
A. He's the one who bets on the duck.

Q. If Tarzan and Jane were Italian, what would Cheetah be?
A. The least hairy of the three!

--------------------------------------------

This Italian bloke had never played golf before and so asked for some tips before starting the game. An American player decided to teach the Italian the proper way to putt a golf ball.

The American said, "You take this stick and hit the balls so that they roll into the hole". The American putted away and sank the ball from 20 feet in a single stroke.

The Italian replied, "In America, you leave your sticka outta and a putta your balls in da hole, but in Italia, we put our sticka inna da hole and leave our balls out"!

----------------------------------------------

Q. What did the barber say to the Italian kid?
A. Do you want your hair cut or should I just change the oil?

------------------------------------------------

Did you hear about the 21 year old Italian girl who knelt in front of the statue of Madonna?
She said: "You who conceived without sin, let me sin without conceiving!"

--------------------------------------------------

How to impress an Italian woman:
Wine her, dine her, hug her, support her, compliment her, suprise her, smile at her, hold her, romance her, laugh with her, shop with her, cuddle her, go to the end of the earth for her...

How to Impress an Italian Man:
Show up naked, Bring Beer

------------------------------------------------------

Luigi and Paolo where fishing in the mediterranean sea one sunny day when a ww2 mine came floating along. On seeing this round, spikey object coming nearer and nearer, Luigi shouts at his friend " Hey Paolo, it's a mine, it's a mine!!!" Paolo replies " O.K. Luigi, you can-a have it!!! "

:rofl: :amika:
I aim to please. (H)

Originally posted by ishan1990
(H)

it has to be said though,

you have a warped sense of humor:D


Thanks man(H)

NK.

If only there were a virtual internet knife, maybe then I could stab this thread to death. Good jokes, beats my school's talent show big time, worst comedy acts ever. Remeber whenever I post in the SP player lounge, it's cause I'm trying to destroy a good thread for absolute no good reason. Well I'm off to destroy another thread perhaps later. Good day!:ewan:

Originally posted by Limberopoulos21
If only there were a virtual internet knife, maybe then I could stab this thread to death. Good jokes, beats my school's talent show big time, worst comedy acts ever. Remeber whenever I post in the SP player lounge, it's cause I'm trying to destroy a good thread for absolute no good reason. Well I'm off to destroy another thread perhaps later. Good day!:ewan:

CURSE YOU THREAD KILLER! :f***:

NK.

Originally posted by Limberopoulos21
If only there were a virtual internet knife, maybe then I could stab this thread to death. Good jokes, beats my school's talent show big time, worst comedy acts ever. Remeber whenever I post in the SP player lounge, it's cause I'm trying to destroy a good thread for absolute no good reason. Well I'm off to destroy another thread perhaps later. Good day!:ewan: Random............ but I love it (H)

I've been cursed many times, but no one (except god, of course)can stop my intent of killing this thread. It's inevitable. It's will be a sad day once this thread is killed, but all that's well ends terribly.

Calumn i'm touched, you like my randomness. I believe you should get tired of it soon. Should i repost my one-time actually funny joke from awhile back, I'll try to find if I don't I'll just type it.


edit:Here's the joke from that thread that started it all, but now it's closed. so here it is.

ok theres 3 rabais and one priest a cat a fly and a fish.
(note- the priest and rabais only watch)


-so there's this fly that 12 inches above water.
-A fish is near the surface of the water, hungry for fly.
-A cat is on land and is hungry for fish and is waiting til the fish jumps up to catch the fly so he can eat the fish.

The fly moves 6 inches down and the fish jumps up, then the cat jumps for the fish. They both miss their targets.

Moral- when a fly goes down 6 inches, a pussy get's wet.

Then the priest malestes several children the end.

Originally posted by Limberopoulos21
If only there were a virtual internet knife, maybe then I could stab this thread to death. Good jokes, beats my school's talent show big time, worst comedy acts ever. Remeber whenever I post in the SP player lounge, it's cause I'm trying to destroy a good thread for absolute no good reason. Well I'm off to destroy another thread perhaps later. Good day!:ewan:
You better not kill my thread,you thread killer!
BTW Gerrard opened a thread just for you,so go post there you lucky son of a gun!
:ewan:

Top Ten Ways Michael Jackson Would Be Cooler if He Lived in the Star Wars Universe

1. Due to high loss-of-hand rate, wearing one glove is fashionably acceptable

2. Would not have needed huge effects budget for 'Captain EO'

3. In shocking revelation, he might have really been the father of Billie Jean's son

4. Could really walk on moons

5. After skin-altering disease, could become Light Lord of the Sith

6. Could ease tensions between Empire and Alliance with anti-violence message of 'Beat It'

7. Imperial breath mask could give him the deep voice he never had

8. Improved medical technology could make new nose and chin more realistic

9. Would have sure-fire hit with Sy Snootles duet

10. Would strengthen characterization of movies by making Luke look manly










Bill Gates Meets His Match

The following is a conversation overheard as Bill Gates was moving into his new house...

Bill: "There are a few issues we need to discuss."

Contractor: "Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?"

Bill: "Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room. We think its a little smaller than we anticipated."

Contractor: "Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date."

Bill: "We won't be able to fit all our furniture in there."

Contractor: "Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new, larger living room; or you can use a Stacker."

Bill: "Stacker?"

Contractor: "Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into the room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on the couch... the chairs on the table... etc. You leave an empty spot, so when you want to use some furniture you can unstack what you need and then put it back when you're done."

Bill: "Uh... I dunno... issue two. The second issue is the light fixtures. The bulbs we brought with us from our old home won't fit. The threads run the wrong way."

Contractor: "Oh! That's easy. Those bulbs aren't plug and play. You'll have to upgrade to the new bulbs."

Bill: "And the electrical outlets? The holes are round, not rectangular. How do I fix that?"

Contractor: "Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system."

Bill: "You're kidding!?"

Contractor: "Nope. Its the only way."

Bill: " Well... I have one last problem. Sometimes, when I have guests over, someone will flush the toilet and it won't stop. The water pressure drops so low that the showers don't work."

Contractor: "That's a resource leakage problem. One fixture is failing to terminate and is hogging the resources preventing access from other fixtures."

Bill: "And how do I fix that?"

Contractor: "Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the house, turn off the water at the street, turn it back on, reenter the house and then you can get back to work."

Bill: "That's the last straw. What kind of product are you selling me?"

Contractor: "Hey, if you don't like it nobody made you buy it."

Bill: "And when will this be fixed?"

Contractor: "Oh, in your next house -- which will be ready to release sometime near the end of next year. Actually it was due out this year, but we've had some delays..."














Upgrading Bill Gate's Hell

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."

Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"

God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, to see if it will help your decision."

"Fine, but where should I go first?" Bill asked.

"I'll leave that up to you." God replied.

"Okay then," said Bill, "let's try Hell first."

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of long-legged women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.

"This is great," he told God. "If this is hell, I really want to see Heaven."

"Fine," said God, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, beautiful and sunny, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.

Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.

"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told God.

"Fine," replied God, "as you desire."

So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, surrounded with heavy thick-legged women and being burned and tortured by demons, with no one to help him out of his dilemma no matter how loud he screamed.

"How's everything going?" He asked Bill.

Bill responded with his voice filled with anguish and tormented disappointment.

"This is awful. This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago. I can't believe this is happening. What happened to that other place, with the beaches and the long-legged women playing in the water????"

"Oh," God said, "that was Hell 3.1. This is Hell 95.":evil:

Dam! that was a long post(Y)

it was worth it though:)

yes it was,good going!:)

those bill gates jokes are too long. The first one isn't even funny and the 2nd one is slightly funny but not something that will make me: :rofl:

These are good...

Q: Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London?
A: They were REALLY pissed off when they found out Big Ben
....was a clock

Q: Why are faggots always the quickest out of a burning building?
A: Because they've already got their **** packed.

Q: Why do fags make lousy Santa's?
A: Instead of filling your stockings, they try them on.

Q: Which is better, being born black or gay?
A: Black, because you don't have to tell your parents.

Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is gay?
A: He ties up the safe and blows the guard.

Q: What's the Latin name for a lesbian?
A: Strapadictomy.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: A Lickalotapuss!

Q: How do you know that you are in a real lesbian bar?
A: Not even the pool table has balls.

Q: What do you call a closet full of lesbians?
A: A liquor cabinet

-----------------------------

Michael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room after his wife gives birth to their son.

Michael says, "How long before we can have sex?"

The doctor says, "At least wait until he's walking."

--------------------------------
A little boy about five years old, runs into the kitchen, with his
hands cupped in front of him.

"Mummy, mummy, is there such a thing as a Mummy-long-leg spiders?"

"No Johnny," mum replies, "They're all daddy-long-leg spiders."

Upon hearing this, Johnny slams his palms together and adds a quick twist,
muttering, "Bloody poofters!"

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he
uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front
of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. " Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my
breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He's still alive and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again.

Stupid, stupid man.

ahaha good one. (Y)

ishan, those jokes are too long and aren't even funny. they seem too much like geek jokes:kader:

your right, some of these aren't that funny....

but then theres the age old question.....


DOES IT LOOK LIKE I GIVE A ****? :confused:



Bitch Literal

Three guys are in a bar discussing how much their wives bitch at them. They decide that when they get home, they'll do everything that the women ask.

The next weekend, they are in the same bar.

The first guy says "Man, I don't think that our idea was so great! I was sitting on the couch watching TV and I dropped my cigarette on the couch. My wife said why don't you burn the whole house down? That place is still smoldering."

The second guy said "That ain't nothing. I was working on the car, and dropped my wrench and it nicked the fender. She said why don't you tear the whole car apart? It took me all night."

The third guy said "You guys don't have nothing on me. When I walked in the door, my wife was doing the dishes, and I felt a little romantic. I reached down, and grabbed her crotch, she said "Cut that out!" He held out his hands. "Ever seen one of these real close?"



















A lot of you have probably heard of these, but if you haven't.......................


CONFUCIOUS SAYS
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl!

Man who jizz in cash register come into money.

Man who drop watch in toilet have ****ty time.

Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.

Man who finger girl having period get caught red handed.

Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.

Baseball wrong--man with four balls cannot walk.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.

Learn to masturbate--come in handy.

Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock.

Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy.

Virgin like balloon--one prick, all gone.

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

He who lives in glass house, dress in basement.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.

Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.

Couple on 7-day honeymoon make hole weak.

Girl who sit on jockey's lap get hot tip.

Girl who sits on Judge's lap gets honorable discharge.

Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.

He who run behind bus get exhausted.

Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

He who fishes in others' holes often catches crabs.

Man who puts dick in peanut butter jar is ******* nuts.

A very successful lawyer parked his...

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver's side.

The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can not believe how materialistic you lawyers are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don''t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex!"

:)

:D :D

now that was funny!

Penis Requests a Raise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases


Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

:) :)

golf joke:

Man 1: Did you here Tiger Woods hurt his ankle this past weekend?

Man 2: No, how did it happen?

Man 1: He fell of the ball washer!

let me know when you understand it.:p

he was washing his testicles? :confused:

Man 1: Did you here Tiger Woods hurt his ankle this past weekend?

Man 2: No, how did it happen?

Man 1: He fell of the ball washer!

^ that makes no sense what the hell.

A welsh man was caught f*cking a sheep in the middle of a welsh field.


The sheep’s owner was a bit old fashioned and frowned that they weren't married, he also shouted at the sheep for been a two-timing whore!

"BBBBAAAAAAR"!

:rofl:

NK.

Originally posted by nickclubman
A welsh man was caught f*cking a sheep in the middle of a welsh field.


The sheep’s owner was a bit old fashioned and frowned that they weren't married, he also shouted at the sheep for been a two-timing whore!

"BBBBAAAAAAR"!

:rofl:

NK.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH



:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

BEST JOKE EVER

Originally posted by ishan1990
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH



:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

BEST JOKE EVER


:D I made that one up too man!

aar, we are equal now (H).

That and the 'ass man' joke crack me up!!

NK.

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
:crazyboy: :crazyboy:

Originally posted by b-ytter
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
:crazyboy: :crazyboy:


LOL, oh the fun of it all!

That's a good joke :D

NK.

This is from the PES insught forums:

http://img41.exs.cx/img41/5154/gay.gif

Originally posted by jonnybarnes
This is from the PES insught forums:

http://img41.exs.cx/img41/5154/gay.gif


ROFL! :rofl: That is a good one :D

NK.

A man is walking home with his mate from tennis practice, He holds his arm inpain and the mate says
"whats up?".
The man replies "I don't know. I'm going to the doctors tomorrow to find out"
The mate then says "Don't go there, it'll cost a fortune, instead, goto the 'Virtual Doctor' at the shopping centre, put in a urine sample and a two pound coin and it'll tell ya whats wrong with you."

So the man thinks while lying in bed that this isnt a bad idea and is worth a try. So the next day he goes to this machine, puts his urine sample in and two quid, presses the green button and watches the machine shake a bit and make a few noises.

Then out pops a slip of paper which read

"You have tennis elbow, rest your arm in warm salty water for half an hour each night for a week."

So the man does this and after a week his arm feels better, but he can't help but think how this machine got that from a urine sample. So he devises a plan, First of all he gets his own urine sample, then he gets some dog turd from the garden and mixes it in. Then he gets his daughter to spit in it. Finally he mixes in a urine sample from his wife and mixes that into the concoction.

He goes to the machine and puts it in with two pounds and presses the green button. This time however, the achine shakes violently makes load noises and lights start to flash. Then a slip af paper comes out that reads

"Your dog has worms, take it to a vet.

Your daughter is a drug addict, take her to rehab.

Your wife is pregnant, the child is not yours, consult a lawyer.

And for gods sake if you don't stop w*nking off you'll never get rid of that tennis elbow."

:D


A welsh man was caught f*cking a sheep in the middle of a welsh field.


The sheep’s owner was a bit old fashioned and frowned that they weren't married, he also shouted at the sheep for been a two-timing whore!

"BBBBAAAAAAR"!:rockman: :rockman:














kids, sheep humping is wrong..... I dont care if you are from wales, or new zealand.... dont **** the sheep:hump:

Originally posted by b-ytter
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
:crazyboy: :crazyboy:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Hole in One

There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"

They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"

:kader: :rofl: :rofl:

Fish Market

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.

Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"



:hump:

A lady walks into her doctors office ...

A lady walks into her doctors office screaming.
She yells, "Doctor, Doctor my breasts are hairy! What do I do?"

The doctor asks, "Well, how long does the hair grow?"

The lady replies, "From here to my penis, but that's a different story!"

:kader:

Originally posted by b-ytter
A lady walks into her doctors office ...

A lady walks into her doctors office screaming.
She yells, "Doctor, Doctor my breasts are hairy! What do I do?"

The doctor asks, "Well, how long does the hair grow?"

The lady replies, "From here to my penis, but that's a different story!"

:kader:

:kader: :kader:

the trou faux one was good:rockman:

they started getting perverted after that though:D

Originally posted by b-ytter
Hole in One

There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"

They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"

:kader: :rofl: :rofl:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Gay Picnic

Q: How do you know you're at a gay picnic?
A: If the hotdogs have fudge on them

:crazyboy: :rofl: :rofl:

What do you call a dear with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a dear with no eyes or no legs?

still no idea



:(

Originally posted by Stotty
What do you call a dear with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a dear with no eyes or no legs?

still no idea



:(

just terrible:(

Classic (H)

lets compromise, its a terrible classic(H)

My maths teacher tells it..................... over, and over again. He's not a funny man, but atleast he tries.

1. Whats 50 cent called over in England?

Approximatly 29 pence

2. Its easy to distract a fat person, its a peice of cake!

3. Cats have 9 lives which makes it perfect for experiments

4. If your being chased by a poilce dog, don't go through a tunnel, over a seasaw and then through a ring of fire. Do u know why?

Cos there trained for that

Originally posted by Scotto
1. Whats 50 cent called over in England?

Approximatly 29 pence
27.5 pence actually ;)

I know, another one of these jokes......

but this one cracked me up so bad.

A little boy walked into his mom and dads room while they were
fighting. The dad yelled, "You bitch!" And the mom screamed,
"You bastard!" And the little boy said, "Mommy, Daddy what does
that mean???" And the parents replied "Um...ladies and
gentlemen." And with that answer the little boy ran off to bed.

The next night the parents were really horny, the dad said "Nice
tits!" And the mom, "Nice dick!" And the little boy ran into the
room and asked, "Mommy, Daddy what does that mean???" "Um...hats
and coats." And with that answer the little boy ran back to bed.

The next day was Thanksgiving and all of the relatives were
going to be eating and celebrating at the little boys house. The
little boy was on his way up the stairs and ran into the
bathroom. When he swung the door open it hit his dad's elbow,
(the dad was shaving and he cut himself) "****!" He bellowed.
"Daddy what does that mean???" "Um, it is the name of the
shaving cream that I'm using, now run downstairs and see what
your mom is doing." And with that the little boy did as he was
told. Meanwhile his mom was slicing the turkey, and she
accidentally put her finger in the wrong place. "****!" She
hollered and the little boy said , "Mommy, what does that
mean???" "Um, it means I'm cutting the turkey."

DING-DONG the door bell rang and the little boy scampered off to
answer it saying: "Hello all of you bitches and bastards, hang
up your titties and dicks. Dad's up stairs whipping the **** off
of his face and mom's in the kitchen ******* the turkey!"



this ones pretty retarded......but oh well



A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling
humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and
he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth
move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

The case came before the court, and when asked why he acted in
such a manner, the man replied, "When the lady boarded the bus I
couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an
advertisement which read, 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.'
Then she moved under one that read, 'Sloans Liniments Remove
Swelling.' I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving
advertisement which read, 'William's Stick Did The Trick.' Then
I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move
she sat under an advertisement which read, 'Dunlop Rubber would
have prevented this accident.'" He won the case.




this ones not much special either but here it is anyway










A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his
grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in
bed." The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and
went out to play.

Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where's
Mom and Dad?" and she replied "they're still up in bed." Again
the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went
out to play.

Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked
his grandma "where's Mom and dad?" and his grandmother replied
"they're still up in bed." The little boy started to laugh
and his grandmother asked, "what gives? Every time I tell you
they're still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on
here?"

The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my
bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."







A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have
a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to
say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

They say, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a
moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your
problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to
pray and read the bible. Bring your two parrots over to my
house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My
parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your
parrots are sure to stop saying...that phrase...in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the
solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the
priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male
parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and
praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in
with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in
unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence.

Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot
and exclaimed, "Put the ******* beads away, Francis, our prayers
have been answered!"









i dont know if its posted before, but oh well







It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's
a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front
door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.

"Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" He says.

"That's cool." Says Bobby.

Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby
replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda
shop or a movie.

Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I
hear all the kids are doing it."

Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks
Carrie's Dad to repeat it.

"Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw;
she'll screw all night if we let her!"

Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the
evening was beginning to look pretty good.

A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little
poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost
breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the
front door.

About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams
the door behind her, and screams at her father: "DAMMIT DADDY!
IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"









A new employee joins the Company, and is required to have a
password setup for his computer. The boss directed a secretary
to setup the password for him.

The secretary asks the man for the password. The man, attempting
to embrass the secretary in order to show superiority, said,
"Penis."

Blushed, the secretary inputted the password Penis, and re-typed
it again. Then she hit enter.

The whole office heard the secretary bursting out of laughters
as a reaction from the computer's screen:

"Password rejected. Reason: Too short"

















One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen
another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was
chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you
are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both
three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a
minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the
bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and
immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of
the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all
the bears in the next forest were female as well."

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it
and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was
asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked
for money and bought the motorcycle.

For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I
wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that
the bear was gay."















ok last one
























An elderly woman walked into the main office of Chase Manhattan
Bank building, holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told
the young man at the teller's window that she wished to deposit
the $3 million in the bag and open an account at the bank. She
said that first, though, she wished to meet the president of the
bank due to the amount of money involved. The teller thought
that to be a reasonable request, and, after opening the bag and
seeing bundles of $1000 bills, which amounted to approximately
$3,000,000, telephoned the bank president's secretary for an
appointment for the lady.

The woman was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president's
office. Introductions were made, and she stated that she liked
to get to know people she did business with on a more personal
basis. The president then asked her how she came into such a
large sum of cash. "Was it inherited?" he asked. "No," she
replied. He was quiet for several seconds, trying to think of
where this elderly lady could possibly have come into $3 million.

"I bet," she offered. "As in horses?". "No," she replied, "as in
people". Seeing his confusion, she explained that she just bet
on different things with people. Suddenly, she said, "I'll bet
you 25,000 that by 10 o'clock tomorrow morning your balls will
be square."

The bank president figured she must be off her rocker and
decided to take her up on the bet. He didn't know how he could
lose. For the rest of the day, he was extremely cautious--he
decided to stay home that evening and take no chances. $25,000
was at stake.

When he got up in the morning and took his shower, he checked to
make certain that everything was O.K. There was no change in his
scrotal appearance. He looked the same as always. He went to his
office and waited for the woman to come in at 10AM, humming as
he went. He knew this was his lucky day. How often did he get
handed $25,000 for doing nothing?

At 10 o'clock sharp, the woman was shown into his office. With
her was a man. When the bank president asked her what the other
man was with her for, she informed the president that he was her
lawyer and she always took him along when there was this much
money involved in her betting.

"Well," she asked, "what about our bet?" "I don't know how to
tell you this," he said, "but I'm the same as I've always been,
only $25,000 richer." The old lady asked him to drop his pants
so they could all see. The president complied. The old lady
peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel
them. "Well, okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of
money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he
noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the
wall. The president asked the old lady, "What's wrong with him?"
She replied, "Nothing, except that I bet him $100,000 that by
10am today I'd have the Chase Manhattan Bank's president's balls
in my hand."



















wow that was long....

someone ******* bumb this ******* thread.

i think i ******* killed this thing again

Originally posted by ishan1990
A whole lot of dumb jokes too long to quote

:| :| :| :| :|
























:|

Originally posted by henry#14
:| :| :| :| :|

i'm just kidding ishan, those were the best jokes i've ever heard. they were so good i'll give you a million dollars if you post another one.
please post another one... they cracked me up soo bad

Bush has a brain check , after that the doctor tells him that on his left side there is nothing right ,and on the right side there is nothing left.

Originally posted by zka
Bush has a brain check , after that the doctor tells him that on his left side there is nothing right ,and on the right side there is nothing left.
LOL :)

bush was opening his zipper when his secretary said "sir you garage is open", bush replies"oh, then you probably saw my new mercedes", then the secretay says "no but i see a short wagon with two flat tires"


thats just nasty.. my bad:kader:

Man walks into a bar, "ouch" he says (H)

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.

He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little jerk. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron.

"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!"

Alright this is something of an urban legend in my school, ill post the transcript i had with one of my friends on msn.here we go.
-----------------------------------------------------
Tom: take heed of my advice
Tom: it works a treat my friend
Tom: go2 a party where she's at
Tom: take her upstairs n lock the door if possible
Cookie Monster: and . . .
Cookie Monster: play tiddlywinks?
Tom: no
Tom: (no wonder u don’t get anywhere)
Tom: honestly
Tom: anyway
Tom: start pulling her
Tom: get is so she lying on top of you
Tom: then slide your hand up onto her face
Tom: on her cheek
Cookie Monster: hahaha
Cookie Monster: hahhahah
Cookie Monster: and say
Cookie Monster: bitch
Cookie Monster: blow
Tom: wait
Cookie Monster: NOW!!!!!!
Tom: serious listen man
Cookie Monster: yh yh
Cookie Monster: i'm listening
Tom: then slide your hand onto her shoulder on to her
arm then slowly push her arm down towards your cock
Cookie Monster: HHAHAHAHA
Cookie Monster: and then start hitting her, saying:
Cookie Monster: BITCH
Cookie Monster: BLOW ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tom: let her feel your dick!!!! But on the outside first !!!!!
Cookie Monster: ******* BLOW ME!!!!!!!!!!
Tom: like on your trousers
Tom: WAIT
Tom: like not actually in your pants
Tom: then after a bit slide her hand up to the top,
under your t shirt, and at the top of your pants
Tom: then pull open your trousers and wait
Tom: if she slides her hand in
Tom: then bobs your uncle
Tom: etc
Tom: BUT
Tom: get it out n let her play wit it if she wants
Tom: then
Tom: THIS IS WELL IMNPORTANT
Tom: look her in the eyes n say "do u want to...."
but dont say suck it
Tom: and if she says "wot" den say "suk it”
Cookie Monster: SUK IT HARD BITCH
Cookie Monster: DEEP
Cookie Monster: DEEP
Tom: but shell probs. get on her knees n suck it
Cookie Monster: DEEEEPER
Tom: u c

---------------------------------------------

i dont really know why, but i thought id shared an intimate moment

i didnt get it

i dont either.
but people i know laugh, god knows why.
thats part of the reason i posted it here.
maybe people have very slutty humour

right......:confused:

an australian, american, and an indian were in a contest to see who can live the most days in a room trapped with a skunk.. in the room, there was a small button and if you press it than the door open automatically..

the austrailian went in and survived to 2 days and pressed the button and came out, then the american survived for a week and came out, finally it was the indian's turn.. he goes in, 2 seconds later the door opens and the skunk runs out....lolz

its not dissing any indians.. but thats how my friend said it to me

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a
barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".

So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance
caller", he said "Not you again"

Originally posted by Scotto
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a
barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".

So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance
caller", he said "Not you again"

(H)

An old liverpool joke

> > Liverpool manager Gerard Houllier sends scouts out round the world looking
>for a new striker to replace Emile Heskey, and hopefully win Liverpool the
>title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks
>will turn out to be a true superstar. So Gerard flies to Iraq to watch him,
>and is suitably impressed, and arranges for him to come over to Anfield. Two
>weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down at home to Man Utd with only 20 minutes
>left. Houllier gives the young Iraqi striker the nod to go on, and takes off
>Emile Heskey.
> > The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for
>Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and
>the media love the new star. When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum
>to tell her about his first day in English football.
> > "Hi Mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0
>down, but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the players
>and the media, they all love me".
> > "Great," says his Mum, "let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot
>in the street, your sister and I were attacked and beaten, and your brother
>has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time".
> > The young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, I'm so sorry."
> > "Sorry?!" says his Mum ...
Its your bloody fault that we moved to Liverpool in the first place!"

Originally posted by Scotto
An old liverpool joke

> > Liverpool manager Gerard Houllier sends scouts out round the world looking
>for a new striker to replace Emile Heskey, and hopefully win Liverpool the
>title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks
>will turn out to be a true superstar. So Gerard flies to Iraq to watch him,
>and is suitably impressed, and arranges for him to come over to Anfield. Two
>weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down at home to Man Utd with only 20 minutes
>left. Houllier gives the young Iraqi striker the nod to go on, and takes off
>Emile Heskey.
> > The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for
>Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and
>the media love the new star. When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum
>to tell her about his first day in English football.
> > "Hi Mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0
>down, but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the players
>and the media, they all love me".
> > "Great," says his Mum, "let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot
>in the street, your sister and I were attacked and beaten, and your brother
>has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time".
> > The young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, I'm so sorry."
> > "Sorry?!" says his Mum ...
Its your bloody fault that we moved to Liverpool in the first place!"

Brilliant :D

Why does Michael Jackson like twentyeight year olds?

Because theres twenty of them

Originally posted by acmilan101
A little boy about five years old, runs into the kitchen, with his
hands cupped in front of him.

"Mummy, mummy, is there such a thing as a Mummy-long-leg spiders?"

"No Johnny," mum replies, "They're all daddy-long-leg spiders."

Upon hearing this, Johnny slams his palms together and adds a quick twist,
muttering, "Bloody poofters!"
My Economics teacher in high school told the class a different version of the joke where the boy says "Well, that might be OK in Massachussets but we're not having any of that crap in Texas!"

:o :crazyboy:

Q. What do you get when you cross a Man U fan and a pig?
A. Nothing, there are somethings even a pig wont do.

An American, a British and an Iraqi are in a bar one night having a beer.
The Yankee drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the
air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In
the States our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink
from the same one twice."

The Brit obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Britain we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

The Iraqi, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it,
throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the
American and the Brit. He says "In Baghdad we have so many Americans and Brits that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

This girl asked her dad could she go to the disco.

No your not going near that place stevey will be there.

Please!!! please!!!

Ok if you do something for me.
Whats that.

Give me a blowjob.
Ok.

Dad why does your dick smell of ****???
Your brother wanted the car.

:|

Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other
was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the one off.

There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick,
her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick

Originally posted by dubcrazy
This girl asked her dad could she go to the disco.

No your not going near that place stevey will be there.

Please!!! please!!!

Ok if you do something for me.
Whats that.

Give me a blowjob.
Ok.

Dad why does your dick smell of ****???
Your brother wanted the car.

that is just f*cking disgusting. what the f*ck? :| :| :|

A plane crashed onto an island, and there were only three survivors, Harry, from England, Pierre, from France, and Manuel from Spain.

After exploring the island, they found themselves on a Cannibal Tribe, all of them approach the 3 foreigners, but the boss stopped all...

Boss: Who on hell are you?
Pierre: Well, u know...
Boss: It doesn't matter, you'll die and serve us as food, unless you pass out test
Harry: What kind of test?
Boss: Consists on two steps, first step, you must search in the island for 10 round fruits, if you try to escape, you'll be anihilated!
Manuel: I see... so 10 round fruits...
Boss: When you finish, come to me to procede to the second step

The three of them started to search, Harry was the fatest of all, he found a huge tree full of apples, so, after collecting 10 of that, he went to boss place

Harry: Hey! I'm here, look this apples, they're fantastic!
Boss: Yeah, whatever, now second step. You must put all 10 fruits on your ass
Harry: WTF!!?
Boss: I didn't finish! The special rule for this is, if you express pain, suffering, or other kind or emotion, you will be turned into food
Harry: *gulp* - "OK, my life is more important than my ass"

So Harry started. One apple, two apples, three

Harry: Ouch!
Boss: Kill him!!!

And Harry was killed, just when Pierre was arriving, the boss explained the same to him...

Pierre: Hahahahaha, I won, look at this! - And Pierre showed the boss 10 cherries
Boss: "Holy crap, yes..."

So Pierre started, one cherry, two cherries, three cherries, four cherries, five cherries, six.... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Boss: "Why?" - Kill him! laugh is an emotion!

So Pierre was killed.

Pierre encountered Harry on the Purgaroty

Harry: You're a dumbass, the dumbest person I meet on my whole life, how do you dare to laugh when you were winning!!!????
Pierre: Look Harry, look, Manuel is carrying watermelons!!!!

Originally posted by NIDOKING
A plane crashed onto an island, and there were only three survivors, Harry, from England, Pierre, from France, and Manuel from Spain.

After exploring the island, they found themselves on a Cannibal Tribe, all of them approach the 3 foreigners, but the boss stopped all...

Boss: Who on hell are you?
Pierre: Well, u know...
Boss: It doesn't matter, you'll die and serve us as food, unless you pass out test
Harry: What kind of test?
Boss: Consists on two steps, first step, you must search in the island for 10 round fruits, if you try to escape, you'll be anihilated!
Manuel: I see... so 10 round fruits...
Boss: When you finish, come to me to procede to the second step

The three of them started to search, Harry was the fatest of all, he found a huge tree full of apples, so, after collecting 10 of that, he went to boss place

Harry: Hey! I'm here, look this apples, they're fantastic!
Boss: Yeah, whatever, now second step. You must put all 10 fruits on your ass
Harry: WTF!!?
Boss: I didn't finish! The special rule for this is, if you express pain, suffering, or other kind or emotion, you will be turned into food
Harry: *gulp* - "OK, my life is more important than my ass"

So Harry started. One apple, two apples, three

Harry: Ouch!
Boss: Kill him!!!

And Harry was killed, just when Pierre was arriving, the boss explained the same to him...

Pierre: Hahahahaha, I won, look at this! - And Pierre showed the boss 10 cherries
Boss: "Holy crap, yes..."

So Pierre started, one cherry, two cherries, three cherries, four cherries, five cherries, six.... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Boss: "Why?" - Kill him! laugh is an emotion!

So Pierre was killed.

Pierre encountered Harry on the Purgaroty

Harry: You're a dumbass, the dumbest person I meet on my whole life, how do you dare to laugh when you were winning!!!????
Pierre: Look Harry, look, Manuel is carrying watermelons!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I was laying down, looking up at the stars, when suddently something intrigyng came to my mind...

































Who da f.uck stole my ceiling?

:|

First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first
anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered
with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it
is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor.
The first is that you will not be disgusted by anything involving
the human body".
As an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger
in the anal cavity of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but
eventually took turns sticking a finger in the bottom of the dead body
and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the professor looked at the students and told them,"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay
attention.

what happens if you put a nut in the fridge?

































it get's frozen? yeah maybe... but...







































you get the other one stuck:X

yo mama's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow skittles came out...

you mama's so fat that just to get her through a door you have to put grease in the sides of the door and a twinky on the other side...

Q. What did the fish say when it crashed into a wall

A. Damn!

those 2 yo mama jokes were the most lamest ones i have ever heard listened to or read ! :(

well seeing that both of you are 14, .....pretty lame for both of you to even be talking about "yo mama jokes":(

14 Years old.... and still saying "yo mama jokes":kader:

















(H)

Originally posted by ronnifan9
well seeing that both of you are 14, .....pretty lame for both of you to even be talking about "yo mama jokes":(
Yo mamma so fat, the only time she see "90210" is when she look down at the scale. (H)

for some reason i dont think run dmb was being sarcastic:(






....:confused:

Originally posted by Run DMB
Yo mamma so fat, the only time she see "90210" is when she look down at the scale. (H)

haha, eternal classic :funny:

classic your mamma jokes...



but dont you hate that some retarded kids still say "your mom" to everything you say to them?

Like if they took a sh1t shot, you say "o damn that sucked" they reply "your mom did last night" or something like that.



So retarded :f***:

Ronni u lidder i didnt say and YO MAMA jokes ! :confused: and go do some post boostin mate and stop stalkin me and stop goin on me profile ;)

,<---use it, i can't understand ****:confused:

Originally posted by ronnifan9
well seeing that both of you are 14, .....pretty lame for both of you to even be talking about "yo mama jokes":(

14 Years old.... and still saying "yo mama jokes":kader:




:( :(

Originally posted by SuRFy
Ronni u lidder i didnt say and YO MAMA jokes ! :confused: and go do some post boostin mate and stop stalkin me and stop goin on me profile ;)

he's got nothin better to do it seems.......tries to postboost thru insults at other people......just look at his posts per day:kader: kid got no life. Ronnifan you got no life buddy. Have a nice day.:ewan:

hey bayerboyz...dont you know my friend shuttah?




























shuttah facup












have a nice day....










:jap:

Originally posted by ronnifan9
hey bayerboyz...dont you know my friend shuttah?




























shuttah facup












have a nice day....










:jap:


very funny.:rolleyes: if it eases your pain of not having friends and having to spend endless hours on the internet trying to be funny and cracking very very 'funny' jokes, you won buddy. 3 and a half cookie points for you. YAaaAAY.:bouncy: :bob: :ewan: :dragan: :fluffy:

is that 3 1/2 out of 3 1/2:brow:

you feel better now that you jumped on the band wagon of lets talk sh!t on ronnifan....good job buddy now you can say you belong to something....looser(N)

Originally posted by ronnifan9
is that 3 1/2 out of 3 1/2:brow:

you feel better now that you jumped on the band wagon of lets talk sh!t on ronnifan....good job buddy now you can say you belong to something....looser(N)

i'd hate to be a "looser"
whatever that it

Ok, so there are these 2 muffins right. They're chilling. In an oven.

Then one muffin says, "We're stuck in an oven!"

And the other muffin says, "HOLY **** ITS A TALKING MUFFIN!"

haha

:|

(H)
http://img135.exs.cx/img135/3523/sanddick1en.jpg

Originally posted by ronnifan9
is that 3 1/2 out of 3 1/2:brow:

you feel better now that you jumped on the band wagon of lets talk sh!t on ronnifan....good job buddy now you can say you belong to something....looser(N)

actually.....YES! it is 3 1/2 out of 3 1/2..........you've won a trip to....................non other than..................the NEVERLAND RANCH!!
:jacko: you will be joined by Mr. Jacko himself. you've also won the right to be touched in "secret" places by him. Enjoy your stay.



pssst...u took a stab at me first in case ur little brain already forgot.;)

have a nice day.:ewan:

lol......Jacky is just simply repugnant.....i seriously throw up in my mouth every time i see his grill on t.v.

btw....no thanx, i'd rather live "here" than NEVERLAND RANCH:nape:

why did the butchers hands smell? (H) (H)






















cos he kneaded a pooh (H)!!!!!





get in!!!!!! :hump: :mrpimp:

Why did the first Koala fall out of the tree?


It was dead.

Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree?


It was stapled to the first.

Why did the third Koala fall out of the tree?


It thought suicide was in.

Why did the fourth Koala fall out of the tree?


It had a grand piano tied to it's foot.

Why did the fifth Koala fall out of the tree?


It was hit by the piano stool.

Whay did the sixth Koala fall out of the tree?


Peer Pressure



:(

An Argentinian, a yankee and an italian was on holiday at France, some French guy told them a myth, that was "If you jump from the highest point of the Eiffel tower, and when falling you shout a word, that will be granted as a wish"

"Fabulous!" - The yankee said, and he got at the top, jump, and when falling he shouted

"MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY"

And out of nowhere, tons of bills appeared saving his life, and of course, the yank started to put all they could on their pockets, clothes, etc.

"That was fantastic" - The italian said, and did the same thing

"WOMEN, WOMEN, WOMEN, WOMEN"

And again, out of nowhere, hundreds of beautiful womens appeared and catch him, saving his life, and starting to search a motel

"Well, I must try" - The argentinian said, and did the same thing...













"SH¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡T" (H)

....so what happened???:confused:



































:sb9: (H)

I've got a few

Q: How do u know Westlife r irish?

A: Cos they tried flying without wings

Q: Why is gareth gates still in jail?

A: Cos he hasn't finished his sentance

Two blondes walk into a building, you'd think one of them would have seen it! :D

Q: Wot does a biscuit say when he's bin hit by a car?

A: ohhhhh crumbs

Q: Why did the blonde take a ladder into the pub?

A: Cos they said drinks are on the house

I've got one.

What do you call a person whose name starts with the letter A and ends in number 7?



A Jew from a concentration camp.



Yeah I know. Is anyone Jewish? Invite me to your Bar Mitzvah.

im jewish:bouncy: :bob: :hump:

Ok, so there are these 2 muffins right. They're chilling. In an oven.

Then one muffin says, "We're stuck in an oven!"

And the other muffin says, "HOLY **** ITS A TALKING MUFFIN!"

haha


:|

I've heard of something like that...

Two eggs were boiling in a pan, one of em said "boy its hot in here", and the other one said "WOW, A TALKING EGG!"

:mrpimp:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

how do you paint a room red with a baby?

throw it as hard as you can :D

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

an indian, an austrailian, and an englishman are in a contest to see who can last in a room with a skunk the longest... theres a button in the room and when you press it the door opens.. ok.. so the austrailian goes in and lasts for 2 days and comes out saying "aaah man, sooo horrible, help!".. then, the englishman went in and lasted for a week, and he came out... then, it was the indian's turn to go in the room, he went in and the door closed.. 2 seconds later the door opens and the skunk runs out
:mrpimp: :mrpimp: (H) :D

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An arab, An American, and a Mexican were going up a cliff when they saw a genee (sp?)... The genee said that he will make them into any thin they want right after they jump off a cliff... So the american jumps off and says "EAGLE!" and so he flew away.. the Mexican said "Dolphin!" and he swam away into the water".. So the arab was running off the cliff.. before he jumped he tripped over a rock and said "SH!T!"... :rockman:

Originally posted by Bilo90

Two fish were boiling in a pan, one of em said "boy its hot in here", and the other one said "WOW, A TALKING EGG!"
[/B]


LMAO! But.. a FISH? Then a talking egg? Non comprendo.

Originally posted by Bilo90
an indian, an austrailian, and an englishman are in a contest to see who can last in a room with a skunk the longest... theres a button in the room and when you press it the door opens.. ok.. so the austrailian goes in and lasts for 2 days and comes out saying "aaah man, sooo horrible, help!".. then, the englishman went in and lasted for a week, and he came out... then, it was the indian's turn to go in the room, he went in and the door closed.. 2 seconds later the door opens and the skunk runs out
:mrpimp: :mrpimp: (H) :D :D [/B]

Haha yes, I have heard a joke like this. But it was an Arab, not an Indian, I remember :rofl:

Originally posted by Deutschland
LMAO! But.. a FISH? Then a talking egg? Non comprendo.



Haha yes, I have heard a joke like this. But it was an Arab, not an Indian, I remember :rofl:

sorry.. my brotehr just told me the gayest joke ever so i got confused.. he's like "what do you call a fish without an eye?"?

"fsh".......................:( :(

i fixed it and added another joke

haha the one ur bro told you is pretty funny :funny:


how do you spell mousetrap in three letters?

cat

:(

thats even more lame (H)

Leann Rymes... No it don't!! :rockman:

u know what happened to the guy who held his breath for 10 minutes under water?










































drowned...

Originally posted by Bilo90
An arab, An American, and a Mexican were going up a cliff when they saw a genee (sp?)... The genee said that he will make them into any thin they want right after they jump off a cliff... So the american jumps off and says "EAGLE!" and so he flew away.. the Mexican said "Dolphin!" and he swam away into the water".. So the arab was running off the cliff.. before he jumped he tripped over a rock and said "****!"... :rockman:

Soo.. nothing happened?

:rofl:

How do you make Gold Soup?










Add 24 Carrots (H)

Originally posted by Deutschland
Soo.. nothing happened?

:rofl:

he became ****... cause he tripped and was falling down the cliff saying SH!t

i got a good joke for y'all

















ARSENAL
:rofl:

:|

zip it adnan

Originally posted by Bilo90
he became ****... cause he tripped and was falling down the cliff saying SH!t

Nooo.. don't you get it? He's an Arab...here is what the joke COULD be like :D

An arab, An American, and a Mexican were going up a cliff when they saw a genie.. The genie said that he will make them into any thin they want right after they jump off a cliff... So the american jumps off and says "EAGLE!" and so he flew away.. the Mexican said "Dolphin!" and he swam away into the water".. So the arab was running off the cliff.. before he jumped he tripped over a rock and said "****!" He stands up, looks around. "Now what?"

What has touched more balls then Tiger Woods golf club?

-----


























































Elton Johns Chin.

A. What is the difference bewteen Acne and Michael Jackson?





Q. ACNE doesn't come on your face until you are a teenanger.

Originally posted by Rob
A. What is the difference bewteen Acne and Michael Jackson?





Q. ACNE doesn't come on your face until you are a teenanger.


u mean to switch the A and Q around :)

I didnt get the Jacko joke :(

Which?

Come = cum = sperm. He spoofs ALL OVER YOUR FACE when your a little kid (As he is a pedophile). :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:


:crazyboy: :hump:

Aye don't get offended, i'm no racist

There is this black kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the white kids better than the black kids. So he goes home and paints himself white and shows his dad. Hey dad look im white! His dad kicks his ass, and says alright go show your mother. Hey mom look im white! His mom beats the **** out of him then says go show your gradma. Hey gradma look im white she beats his ass and sends him to his room. About an hour later all the family comes to his room and says have you learned anything from this? The kid says yeah ive learned i have only been white for an hour and I already hate 3 n¡ggers.



(H)

Originally posted by Ebonix
How do you make Gold Soup?










Add 24 Carrots (H)

(H) !!!

Originally posted by Rob
A. What is the difference bewteen Acne and Michael Jackson?





Q. ACNE doesn't come on your face until you are a teenanger.








(Y) :funny: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

LOL @ Panna. I dont get the carrot joke though........

Why does NASA send astronauts to train at Old Trafford?

Cause its the only place on earth with no atmosphere.

:D

Originally posted by John_Arne_Riise
Why does NASA send astronauts to train at Old Trafford?

Cause its the only place on earth with no atmosphere.

:D

good one, but i spit on you

(even though i'm a juve fan)

Originally posted by Panna
Aye don't get offended, i'm no racist

There is this black kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the white kids better than the black kids. So he goes home and paints himself white and shows his dad. Hey dad look im white! His dad kicks his ass, and says alright go show your mother. Hey mom look im white! His mom beats the **** out of him then says go show your gradma. Hey gradma look im white she beats his ass and sends him to his room. About an hour later all the family comes to his room and says have you learned anything from this? The kid says yeah ive learned i have only been white for an hour and I already hate 3 n¡ggers.



(H)
im sooo sorry, i hate to say this, and i know its wrong, but thats hilarious. however, i have black friends and they are great people. i might even sneak that joke to one of them ;)

Q: Why are all black people so fast?
A: Because the slow ones are in jail.

Q: Why are black people good in basketball?
A: Because you "steal, run and shoot".

Originally posted by Panna
Aye don't get offended, i'm no racist

There is this black kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the white kids better than the black kids. So he goes home and paints himself white and shows his dad. Hey dad look im white! His dad kicks his ass, and says alright go show your mother. Hey mom look im white! His mom beats the **** out of him then says go show your gradma. Hey gradma look im white she beats his ass and sends him to his room. About an hour later all the family comes to his room and says have you learned anything from this? The kid says yeah ive learned i have only been white for an hour and I already hate 3 n¡ggers.



(H)
Prove that you're not racist by telling me a Jewish joke.

Originally posted by Hyun
Prove that you're not racist by telling me a Jewish joke. then prove that u r not racist, why u asking him to post a jewish joke.:confused:

http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rich/baghdadbob_jacko.jpg


http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rich/nice-jackson.jpg

Originally posted by Rob
http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rich/baghdadbob_jacko.jpg


http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rich/nice-jackson.jpg :confused: (H) :confused:

:p

Originally posted by Rob



http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rich/nice-jackson.jpg
ROFL, that's awesome!!! :rockman: (H) :D

Originally posted by John_Arne_Riise
:p

hahahah :rockman: (H)

Originally posted by king
then prove that u r not racist, why u asking him to post a jewish joke.:confused:

cause I'm an Ajax fan and we're often referred to as "jews". We call the Feyenoord fans "cockroaches". :p

but here's the Jewish joke I just found on the net... it doesn't really have anything to do with Jews.. but hell (H)

Sarah has been married 6 times and divorced 6 times. There was something bad about every one of her ex-husbands, so Sarah put an advert in the Jewish Chronicle that said she needed a man who will not beat her, who will not run away from her, and who is good in bed.
Two weeks later, Sarah is quietly reading a book when she hears her doorbell ring. She opens the door and there is a guy with no arms or legs.
“Hello, how may I help you?” she says.
“Hi, I’m Bernard, and I’m here about your advert in the JC.”
“How do I know you meet my requirements?” Sarah says.
“Well, I can’t beat you because I have no arms, and I can’t run away from you because I have no legs.” he replies.
“But how do I know you’re good in bed?” she asks.
Bernard replies, “How do you think I rang the doorbell?


once again.. no offence :)

Originally posted by Help?
Q: Why are all black people so fast?
A: Because the slow ones are in jail.

Q: Why are black people good in basketball?
A: Because you "steal, run and shoot".

:rockman:

Originally posted by Help?
Q: Why are all black people so fast?
A: Because the slow ones are in jail.

Q: Why are black people good in basketball?
A: Because you "steal, run and shoot".

old ones, Aragones told me those ones last month

Two tomatos was crossing a bridge, then one of the tomatoes fell into the river. And then the swede asked: "are you thirsty?".

:D

Originally posted by Bilo90




an indian, an austrailian, and an englishman are in a contest to see who can last in a room with a skunk the longest... theres a button in the room and when you press it the door opens.. ok.. so the austrailian goes in and lasts for 2 days and comes out saying "aaah man, sooo horrible, help!".. then, the englishman went in and lasted for a week, and he came out... then, it was the indian's turn to go in the room, he went in and the door closed.. 2 seconds later the door opens and the skunk runs out
:mrpimp: :mrpimp: (H) :D

U a***ole....
Oh..wait..is it Theirry Henry on ur sig??
Yes It is..then i need say no more..u already have been punished by god...born an Arsenal fan!!!

hahaha...


chill.. just a joke.. :crazyboy:

A tuna sandwiche walks into a pub

tuna sandwiche: "Gimme a mug'a beer, holmes"

barman: "I'm sorry, we don't serve food in this pub"


(laugh)

Originally posted by nird
Two tomatos was crossing a bridge, then one of the tomatoes fell into the river. And then the swede asked: "are you thirsty?".

?????

A man walks into a doctor with a steering wheel down his pants.

Doctor asks, "What's wrong?"

Man shrugs his shoulders and says, "Dunno, but it's driving me nuts"

Originally posted by Deutschland
?????

exactly wot i thought! it don't make any sense!

Originally posted by Gareth
A man walks into a doctor with a steering wheel down his pants.

Doctor asks, "What's wrong?"

Man shrugs his shoulders and says, "Dunno, but it's driving me nuts"
(H) :crazyboy:

thats just wrong