Taken straight from soccer365.co.uk :

Amusingly Named Foreign Footballer Of The Day
Portuguese defender Secretario.


Bonus Office Equipment Related Joke
Journalist to Secretario during interview: Can I use my dictaphone?
Secretario: No. Dial with your finger like everyone else, you naughty man.


Over Optimistic Foreigner Of The Day
"I have only one target, to be in a number one team, so I hope this team will be the champions," Spurs new boy Sergei Rebrov told the Daily Mail. Stop sniggering, you Arsenal fans at the back.