Jambo Den
15-08-2001, 07:44:PM
this is what would happen if Star Wars was set in Scotland.......
Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft tall,from Pilton,Edinburgh and called Shuggie. He'd have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and invariably sport either a Hearts,Hibs or Old Firm top.
Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would address him as W**ky-N*bby.
Darth Vader would referred to as 'Auld Helmet Heid' or in moments of stress 'That Dome-Heided B**t*rd'
R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head or p**s on him. He would also refuse to go near groups of wee boys at any time because of the high risk of being spray painted/dumped in front of a speeding train/set on fire.
Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3P0 would still be unable to understand anything/anyone from the East End of Glasgow said. He would regularly get beaten up for being a 'greetin-faced mincer fae Milngavie'.
The Millenium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windscreens and extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have a Daily Record - I Love Scotland sticker in the back window and a saltire (St Andrews cross) bumper sticker.
Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run very fast when you're wearing 5 inch platform heels and a tiny silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your ass every two steps, and you've been a heavy chain smoker since the age of 6.
The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a desperate all out attack. Two easy ways would be -
A- Alter its orbit so it passed through Bridgeton and tell the locals it was full of Roman Catholics.
Or
B- Leave it unattended in Wester Hailes :D :D :D
just wrote it cos i was bored as you can see
[ 08-15-2001: Message edited by: Jambo Den ]
Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft tall,from Pilton,Edinburgh and called Shuggie. He'd have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and invariably sport either a Hearts,Hibs or Old Firm top.
Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would address him as W**ky-N*bby.
Darth Vader would referred to as 'Auld Helmet Heid' or in moments of stress 'That Dome-Heided B**t*rd'
R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head or p**s on him. He would also refuse to go near groups of wee boys at any time because of the high risk of being spray painted/dumped in front of a speeding train/set on fire.
Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3P0 would still be unable to understand anything/anyone from the East End of Glasgow said. He would regularly get beaten up for being a 'greetin-faced mincer fae Milngavie'.
The Millenium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windscreens and extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have a Daily Record - I Love Scotland sticker in the back window and a saltire (St Andrews cross) bumper sticker.
Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run very fast when you're wearing 5 inch platform heels and a tiny silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your ass every two steps, and you've been a heavy chain smoker since the age of 6.
The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a desperate all out attack. Two easy ways would be -
A- Alter its orbit so it passed through Bridgeton and tell the locals it was full of Roman Catholics.
Or
B- Leave it unattended in Wester Hailes :D :D :D
just wrote it cos i was bored as you can see
[ 08-15-2001: Message edited by: Jambo Den ]