I doubt this thread has been done before and as the subject says what is your favourate Homer Simpson quote (or any other simpson or south park quote for that matter)

1. doh
2. marge is like my best friend, only she lets me feel her boobs
3. screw flanders
4. why you little...(strangles bart)
5. mmm beer
6. kill the boy
7. give it too my now, i want the kids to see (after marge says she'll give him a special present upstairs)

keep the list goin

i love "trying is the first step towards failure"

The sarcastic quote that he uses the "oh im making people happy....... from lollypop lane, by the way i was being sarcastic"

Bed goes up, Bed goes down...

Homer: Flanders, Flanders, Flanders, Flanders,
Flanders: What!?!
Homer: Flanders, Flanders,

my favourite south park quote was from the Osama Bin Ladin episode

Kyle "Watch out Cartman, hes a terriorist"
Cartman "No, he is just an arsehole. I know how to deal with these screwballs"

sorry about double posts

Nelson's dad: Im so proud of you son im taking you to Hooters
Nelson: Awgh! I dont wont to annoy mom while shes at work

Ralph: Me fail english? but thats umpossible

When lisa ask's a complicated question to homer about how he is planning to teach his new class and he replys

"yes lisa, daddys going to be a teacher"

__________________________________________________

Moes wired up to a polygraph machine...
FBI: Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No
Machine beeps.
Moe: Alright, but I didn't kill him.
FBI: Checks out. OK, you're free to go.
Moe: Good, cos I got a hot date.
Machine beeps.
Moe: Cold date.
Beeps
Moe: Dinner with friends.
Beeps
Moe: Dinner alone.
Beeps
Moe: Watching TV alone.
Beeps
Moe: Ogling the girls in the Victoria's Secret catalogue.
Beeps
Moe: Sears catalogue.
Machine silent
Moe: Now will you unhook this thing already. I don't deserve this.
Machine beeps.
__________________________________________________

Homer: Hey operator get me the number for 911
__________________________________________________ _

Homer: Im not normally a praying man but if you're up there please save me, Superman!

Homer: Beer. The cause of, and solution to all of lifes problems.

-----
In the one where Sideshow Bob is released and chases after the Simpsons (Cape Fear I think?)

Special Agent (SA): Okay Mr Simpson, when I step on your foot, wink at you and say 'Hello Mr. Thompson', you reply 'Hello'...

(pause)

SA: Hello Mr. Thompson

Homer: (turns and says to Marge) I think he's talking to you.

Originally posted by scouser09

1. doh
4. why you little...(strangles bart)


Those are my favorite quotes. :mrpimp:

Homer returns home late, after spending a couple hours in the pub. The police orders him to stop and a policeman asks him where he's been.

Homer: [I can't say I was in a pub until now] Porn, I was buying porn!

-----------------

I'm not a regular of this show. I know, my loss.:(

Look Marge! Maggie lost her baby legs!

- from a holloween special

Originally posted by Lior
__________________________________________________

Moes wired up to a polygraph machine...
FBI: Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No
Machine beeps.
Moe: Alright, but I didn't kill him.
FBI: Checks out. OK, you're free to go.
Moe: Good, cos I got a hot date.
Machine beeps.
Moe: Cold date.
Beeps
Moe: Dinner with friends.
Beeps
Moe: Dinner alone.
Beeps
Moe: Watching TV alone.
Beeps
Moe: Ogling the girls in the Victoria's Secret catalogue.
Beeps
Moe: Sears catalogue.
Machine silent
Moe: Now will you unhook this thing already. I don't deserve this.
Machine beeps.
__________________________________________________

haha, thats hilarious that one :crazyboy:

SOOOOOOOOO many seeing I've seen all episodes (besides new) a quadrillion times......
This springs to mind:


OH SAVE MY JEBUS!:D

I was watching an ep tonight when Willy donates some stuff to Flanders' 'Praiseland'.

Willy: 'Here's some sawdust to help clean up all the puke from after they've been on the roooollercoasters. It's Willy's special blend!'

Homer: *sniff* 'Do I detect a hint of cinammon?'

Willy (bashful): 'I'll never tell..'

when homer is running for sanitation commissioner (the one with steve martin guest starring)

[Bart and homer in the car, Bart has a megaphone]
Bart: Please vote for my dad, if you don't, he'll beat us!

Homer[panicking] : Hey, hey , now, no ones gonna beat you son....
[under his breath, can be heard through the megaphone] : Ohh you're gonna get such a beating...

After Homer's posted an insulting letter to Mr Burns because he didn't receive a gift for Bart saving his life. Now he wants it back.

Homer (at mailroom): My name is Mr Burns. Could I have my mail?

Mail Clerk: What's your first name?

Homer: (pause) erm, Mister.

i think homer was at clown college and they're going down the rows saying what state they're from so they can be assigned to a certain region -
"Kansas"
"Texas"
"another"
"another"
"Homer!"

that one on the polygraph is sweet too (although not Homer)

"It's good for the kids to learn how to weasel out of things. Its what seperates us humans from the animals.......except for the weasel."

"I am going outside to............stalk..................Lennie....... ..and..........Karl... D'oh!"

And to Bart: "No matter how good you are at something, there are at least 1 million people in the world better than you at it." or summin like that.

All from a great episode when Simpsons join the sect

Homer (singin):nanananananana - fishing! nanananananana -fishing! fishing!
Sect Member: Excuse me.
Homer: Fishing!
Sect Member: Would you please come with us for a meeting?
Homer: Do you give beer?
Sect Member: No. We're not allowed to drink.
Homer: Homer wont work without beer.
Sect Member: What would you choose - beer or eternal salvation?
Homer: Hmmmmmmm............................ What kind of beer?

==============

Sect Member (trying to break Homer's will by insults from other members): You are bald and fat!
Homer: Well, I lost some hair.... I also gained pounds or two
Member: You are the dumbest person I know! You are complete looser!
Homer: Yeah, you are right, I never achieved anything. Um, how smart is that group!
Member: You stink like a dog!!!
Homer: NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, MOE! THIS TIME YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR! [smells under his arm] Hm. Or maybe not.

===============

Sect Members (trying to break Homer with monotonous songs): nanananananana - leader! nanananananana - leader! leader! leader! LEADER!
Homer: BATMAN!!!
...............
err...I mean: LEADER!!!

===============

with reproach: Marge, I thought when I join a sect I can count on support from my own family!

===============

Lisa: You cant go there! You are to susceptible to others influence!
Homer (automaticly): Yeeees. I am very susceptible to influence...................

this is from memory so it isn't 100% accurate(or anywhere near it:

Bart and Homer are looking through trashcans at night for "lost treasures." Homer reaches into a can and puts on a sports bra.

Homer: look at this muscle shirt!
Bart:that's a sportsbra
Homer: all i know is i'm finally getting the support i need.

Homer - "I've got 2 questions for you. 1, where's the fife? 2, give us the fife."

Homer - "Pfft, Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now lets go back to that place... where our beds and tv... is..."

Grandpa - "We must kill the boy!"
Marge - "How'd you know he's a vampire?"
Grandpa - "He's a vampire?! AHHHHH!"

Homer - "Trapapoli! Tramapoli!"

Homer - "If this was a cartoon, the cliff would break off now" >time passes< "I'm thirsty..." *crack* "ahhhhhhhhhhhh"

Homer - "Hello? Yes? Oh, it's you. If you're looking for your giant donut, Flanders has it. Just go and break open his house. He came to life... good for him. Hello? You again?! I told you, Flanders has it!... or Moe... go kill Moe."

Homer - "If my dad marries your mom we’ll be brother and sister! And our kids, they’ll be horrible mutants with pink skin and five fingers on each hand! AHHH!"

SALESMAN: Sory, but to buy a gun you have to wait five days. The law requiers to run a background check...
HOMER: Five days?!! But I'm mad now!!!

Originally posted by Lior
Homer: Hey operator get me the number for 911
lol ... in the same style

Chief Wiggum (busy at the Police station as always)
=== Phone Rings =====
Wiggum: yeah ?
.... uhm, you got the wrong number this is 91 ..... ummm 2 !
hangs up

-----------------------

My favourite quote by Homer:

HOMER: "Bart, Elves aren't real. Like Pixies, Gnomes and Eskimos!"

----------------------------

by Dr. Hibbert:

DR HIBBERT: Sure, you never forget something like Siames Twins!

MARGE: Don't they prefer to be called Conjoined Twins?

DR. HIBBERT: Hippies prefer to be called 'friends of the earth', but it aint gonna happen!

---------------------------

by Moe:

Ned Flanders: You Evil, twisted, conceted man.

Moe: Hey hey hey, I may be evil, twisted and conceted but what was that last thing you said!

---------------------------

In South Park:

JIMBO: Well, thanks to federal law our old 'It was comin' right at us' line doesn't work anymore so now we have to say we're 'thinning the animals out'

NED: (Kills whole field of deer with flame thrower)

JIMBO: Now, we killed those deer so they don't stave. Come on Ned, lets go thin out some endangered species!

***GANDALF***

I also love this one:

HOMER: So, you promise I'll win my Bowling Championship?

MARGE: I promise nothing, Homy.

HOMER: Woo'hoo, Thanks Marge. I wont be needing this anymore!

Picks up stolen Oscar, runs into bathroom and flushes toilet several times

HOMER: Marge! Someone broke the toilet!!!

back to THE SIMPSONS

Dr Hibbert:
"I'm afraid Homer, that you are victim of what we call the 'homer simpson syndrome'"

Homer:
"OOhhhh !!! ..... Why ME !!!??"

"He only comes out on friday nights....like erkel. And he has a strange green glow.....like erke
~HOMER

Homer and Bart borrow a video, a western shoot em up. Marge and Lisa are ticked off. They put in, the film "Paint Your Wagon".

Clint Eastwood rocks in a town with his horse and cart. And this guy says:
"You gotta pretty sorry lookin' wagon there"
Clint: "Guess it could use a, coat of paint.
Guy: Then what are we waitin for?
Together (singing) Gonna paint a wagon,
gonna paint it good,
we aint braggin,
we're gonna coat that wood.

By this stage Lee Marvin comes out, and Homer is excited because he is always drunk and violent.
Lee: What are you doin in my town?
Clint: We just be painting this wagon
Lee: Well, you missed a spot
Clint: Well, what are you waitin for?
Lee and Clint (singing):
Gonna paint a wagon,
gonna paint it fine,
gonna used some oil based paint,
because the wood is pine.....

Wasn't hilarious but the mock actors singing was funny.

Originally posted by ShearerM4
lol ... in the same style

Chief Wiggum (busy at the Police station as always)
=== Phone Rings =====
Wiggum: yeah ?
.... uhm, you got the wrong number this is 91 ..... ummm 2 !
hangs up

-----------------------

lol . . . just reading that cracks me up :p

Taken from an episode when Homer joins the navy and Bart gets an ear ring. Homer is dissapointed with Bart about him getting an ear ring. The family is seeing Homer off to the navy and everyone has said goodbye apart from Bart. Bart says to Homer "come on da, sureely you must have done some wild things when you were a boy"

Homer replies "well when i was ten i got an ear ring, but this is completely different!!!!!!"

I love that call!

Also the garbage episode when Marge forges Homers signature on an apology letter.

Homer is annooyed and replies " You stole my dignity"
Marge says "Come on Homer, you've forged my signature hundreds of times"
Homer "But this isn't like a loan application or a will"


awwwww Homer, cracks me up every day.

Simpsons are simply THE BEST! :rockman:

The one when Homer want to find his middle name:

Homer: I need a middle name, besides Homer Simpson only lies once per application.

Marge: You lied dozens of times on our mortgage application.

Homer: But that was all part of a big WEB of lies!

Homer runs out of the shower to answer the phone and says "You'll have to speak up i'm wearing a towel"


What does having a towel on have to do with deafness!!!!!?????? ahahhaha

Originally posted by monkee
After Homer's posted an insulting letter to Mr Burns because he didn't receive a gift for Bart saving his life. Now he wants it back.

Homer (at mailroom): My name is Mr Burns. Could I have my mail?

Mail Clerk: What's your first name?

Homer: (pause) erm, Mister.

Not Quite - it goes like this...


Homer (at mailroom): Can I have my mail?

Mail Clerk: What's your name?

Homer: Mr Burns.

Mail Clerk: What's your first name?

Homer: I don't know!

for me i like what Ralph Wiggum says:


[in the school bus having a fruit race]

Bart, "Go Apple!"
Nelson, "Go Orange!"
Ralph, "GO BANANA!"



here's another one from the same episode:


Lisa, "All we found were these ooozing berries, and they look
pretty poisonous."

Ralph, "I eated the purple berries."
[falls down on the ground hurting]

Bart, "How are they ralph? Good?"

Ralph, "They taste like............BURNING........."

:crazyboy: :mrpimp: :crazyboy:

Originally posted by ytwoaone
Not Quite - it goes like this...


Homer (at mailroom): Can I have my mail?

Mail Clerk: What's your name?

Homer: Mr Burns.

Mail Clerk: What's your first name?

Homer: I don't know!

Not quite either :p :rolleyes:

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr Burns. I believe you have some mail for me?

Mail Clerk: Alright Mr Burns, what's your first name?

Homer: I don't know...

:crazyboy:

I dont want you stalking anyone tonight!

Oh, okay Marge! I'll be back in a minute. I'm...going...oooutside...toooo....STALK (with triumphant smile) Lenny and Carol........................ D'OH!!!

i like the one where homer goes: mrs burns, this is mr burns... when he is pretending to be mr burn's mum.

How about one from Ralph: Me fail English. That's unpossible.

From one of the haloween specials:

Homer: mmmm unexplained bacon :shades:

That one reminds me of the time when Mr Burns and Smithers are trying to steal Bobo back - they get into cat burglar mode and then Homer comes into the kitchen:

'Mmmm..64 slices of American cheese' and proceeds to eat them all..

(Dr. Hibbert is in his office with Homer and Marge after Homer had a heart attack)

Dr. Hibbert: Now Mrs Simpson, I must warn you that these operations are VERY very expensive...

Marge: Oh, I'll do anything to save my Homey... How much?

Dr. Hibbert: Twenty-thousand dollars

*Homer has another heartattack and falls heavily on the ground*

Dr. Hibbert: I'm afraid that's now THIRTY-thousand dollars...

Mmmm... Unproccessed Fish Stick

Homer staring at 3d fish.

Does Homer represents the average american men

I think they try to use him as a representative of the average working/lazy class men in america, who try to be a good dad but fail.:fluffy: :jambo:

I know this, because they said it on a documentary on the making of the simpsons.

FROM HOMER:
Homer: Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all!
-----
Lisa: Can I watch football with you again next Sunday, Dad?
Homer: Sure, honey. You'll find it gets rid of the unpleasant aftertaste of church.
-----
Bart: I know a website that shows monkeys doing it!
Lisa: Bart, the Internet is more than a global pornography warehouse...
Homer: (already in car and honking horn) Come on, Lisa! Monkeys!
-----
Homer: Mmm, forbidden doughnut....
-----
Homer: If I don't let him see the movie he could become a Supreme Court justice like Warren Burger. Mmm, burger...-----
Homer: This is it, Marge! Your child against mine! The winner will be praised and cheered; the loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore!
-----
Marge: Where are we going, Homer?
Homer: I don't know!
Marge: Then why are we going so fast?
Homer: BECAUSE I'm TRYING to THINK!

FROM RALPH WIGGUM:
Ralph: Why do people run from me? (Ralph proceeds to wet himself)
-----
Ralph: Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!
-----
Marge: Your boy has quite an imagination, Chief Wiggum
Clancy: Oh, yeah, the special schools are all over him!
-----
Lisa: You want to play anagrams? We take the name of a famous person and rearrange the letters to spell a clever phrase about them.
Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.
OTHER PLAYERS:
Bart: I've got to save Lisa! (Dials 911)
Voice: Welcome to the Springfield Police Department "RescuePhone!" If you know the name of the crime being comitted, press one now. If you're trapped in a burning building, press two now. If you are being murdered or are using a rotary phone, stay on the line and an operator will assist you shortly.
Bart: Aw! (presses random buttons on phone)
Voice: You have selected Regicide. If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press one now.
-----
Bart: Aw, Mom! Why the hell do we have to go to stupid church!
Marge: You just answered your own question with that commode mouth! Church teaches you to love and be kind to your fellow man.
CUT TO PULPIT
Timothy Lovejoy: And the Judeans did pierce their swords in the eyes of their fellow men and did feast upon what flowed forth.
-----
Burns: Shine on, you crazy diamond.
Uriah the Hippie: Sounds like someone's living in the past. Contemporize, man!
-----
Lisa: (flipping through card catalogue in library) Let's see... football, football, football... Homoeroticism in..., Oddball Canadian rules..., Phyllis George and...
-----
Todd: (floating down river) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Flanders: Flanders to God, Flanders to God, get off your cloud and save my Todd!
(Falling tree catches Todd)
Flanders: Thanks God!
God: (reaches down from sky with Okay gesture) Okely-dokely!
-----
Lisa: Pablo Naruta says that the soul is the essence of being!
Bart: I am aware of the works of Pablo Naruta.

Homer goes to college


Prof: "I see a lot of new faces, but, you know
the old saying: out with the old, in with the nucleus."
"Now before we begin I would just like to, whoops..." *drops his notes*
Homer: "Ahahahahahahah, you see that jerk! He dropped his notes! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahaha"
__________________________________________________ _

Prof: "Now if anyone would like to stay, I'm going to hold a
comprehensive review session after every class."
Homer: "[waving] Do we have to?"
Prof: "No"
Homer: "Then kiss my curvy butt goood-bye!"

:rockman: :rockman: :rockman:

Homer to bart:

"You could change your name to Homer Jr. The kids could call you 'Ho-ju'."

From the episode where Homer forgets to pay his taxes and hes at the IRS getting a grilling

"I'm sorry sir, an older boy me to do it sir"

Bart: Dear Lord, if You keep Homer from embarassing us today we promise to built several churches in your honour!

Marge: So you wanna go on tour with a travelling freak show...
Homer: I dont think I have a choice Marge...
Marge: Of course you have a choice!
Homer: How do you figure?
Marge: You dont have to join a freak show just because a oportunity came along.
Homer: You know Marge, in some way you and I are very different people!

What about the one where Marge was going to cheat on him because he brought here a bowling ball for her birthday!
When she went to the Nuclear Power Plant and Homer said

"Tell the boss i'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love and I won't be back for a whole Half hour!"

Classic, What a man

Homer " God bless those Pagans ! "
Or ...
DR NICK RIVERIA " Hi everybody "
TANNOY " Dr Riveria, Dr Nick Riveria ... please report to the Coroner's office ! "
DR NICK RIVERIA " The Coroner ? I'm so sick of that guy ! "

Homer after causing a meltdown on the Nuclear test vehicle.

Homer: "Arrrrrrgggggggghhhh !!! Must destroy mankind."
Beep Beep Beep !
Homer looks at watch.
"Ooooooooohhhhhhh ... Lunchtime !!! "

1- Homer: "You gay fagot"
2- Homer: "Marge, look! There is a country called U-R-GAY hahahah"