Preparing the Women for Gross Neglect

[Reg Wright]

As release day nears, and with the game looking outstanding - especially with the advent of online play and career modes - we have to be ready for the annual backlash of wives, girlfriends, et al. who are confounded by our erratic behaviour in the wake of a new game release.

To heighten my complete loserdom, I have arranged with the boss to take a day off so I can have uninterrupted gaming for a day.

The fiancee will be wondering, aloud, how a game could devour so much of my time, how my hygiene so ignored, how I can spend more time online playing with some dude in Luxembourg than with her.

My efforts to co-opt her into FIFA gaming have failed. Seems to me, sports games are difficult to master, and women prefer racing or shoot-em-up games. Plus, she still hasn't grasped the offside trap.

Last year, a long few days after release of FIFA 2003, she said, "What would you rather do, have sex with me or play that game?"

Problem being, there was a pause as I considered it. That three-seconds of contemplation cost me dearly.

Anyway, I am to get married this April, so I'm hoping we can make it through Fifa 2004. I suggest we all set aside some coin and send the women off on a collective spa day (or week), say in Finland somewhere. I think EA should also have a special forum which provides FIFA Widows Counselling.

If anyone has thoughts with how to balance our competing loves, would love to hear them.

By the way, sex is better than FIFA 2003, but, as for 2004, it remains to be seen ...