JOKES!! Post them here!

Discussion in 'SG Players Lounge' started by b-ytter, Jul 13, 2004.

  1. Bilo90

    Bilo90 Senior Squad

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    hahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhahahahahahahh.....


    thats classic.. i love you gian:mrpimp:
     
  2. Klobb

    Klobb Starting XI

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    ROFL! That was pretty good:rockman:
     
  3. Panna

    Panna Youth Team

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    I hope this one hasn't been posted before.. i can't be bothered to check, enjoy!


    There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

    Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

    She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.

    So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

    She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!

    Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

    She went completely ballistic.

    "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

    The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

    "I'll explain the toy... you explain the kids."


    (H)
     
  4. Joe Star

    Joe Star Starting XI

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    haha dude.....do we like share the same frens or something.....i got that thru the mail bout a year ago (H)
     
  5. gian

    gian Starting XI

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    you mean seperated from a joke thread? I thought there was one but i think it was too long. Didn't bother to look for it because then i would have to look through it to see if it is already posted.

    Anwyaz credit goes to stamatopolis :D my friend who joined for just a few pms admins can delete his account i think) he has no posts.
    I got some more but i will post on that joke thread (if it was on this forum
    :confused: )
     
  6. Panna

    Panna Youth Team

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    Actually, I've had that mail in my mailbox for about six months now :) I liked the joke so i just kept it
     
  7. goal_machine84

    goal_machine84 Senior Squad

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  8. gian

    gian Starting XI

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    hhaaha panna.That was a good 1.
    Ok here we go. My sister told me that 1 about a year ago too. Sry for ****ty translation.

    A drumer just moved houses.
    He started playing drums and then an old man went up to his appartement and asked him politely if he could be quiet because he just got operated and the doctor told him that he should not listen to rough sounds. The drumer said oh ok I am so sry last rehearsal and 2mmorow i will stop.He said it's ok then. (Since i am ****ty with translating this) that happened for 2-3 days now.One day the drummer was playing and the old man didn't go up. He though "**** damn , maybe I killed him". He went down to old man's appartment to check. He was looking for him and he found him in the bathroom. The old man was playing smth indeed...He asks him " Hey , oooold man wha what are you doing there?" And he said "Last Rehearsal and 2mmorow I am coming to **** you!"


    (H)
     
  9. gian

    gian Starting XI

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    i just pressed on a page. Phil the joke on PAGE 28 is really really class! The best!!
     
  10. Panna

    Panna Youth Team

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    I nicked this one from ebaumsworld, i hope it hasn't been posted before..

    Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

    She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

    Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"

    Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

    The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

    She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

    The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"

    Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

    By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

    She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

    The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
     
  11. Joe Star

    Joe Star Starting XI

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    Hehe heard that one bout 6 years ago seriously!!! :p Well anyway here's my contribution

    See everyone knows just how bad the Scottish national team is. Well they went to a new low recently. The English team went over to Scotland for a friendly. However the whole team found the Scottish pubs much more inviting than the football field. Everyone except Rooney(guess he's seen enough pubs :p). Anyways he insisted on going for the match so Beckham jokingly told him, "Hey those guys suck so bad you might be able to do the job yourself." Well Rooney took it seriously & went to the stadium to play. A few hours later someone in the pub turned on a radio & the commentor said that England had won the friendly 1-0. Shocked, the whole team rushed to the stadium to congratulate Rooney. Instead they found him sulking in the dressing room. So they asked him why. And Rooney replied "I'm sorry guys but i got sent off in the 1st minute........."
     
  12. Scotto

    Scotto Reserve Team

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    i tried to drink and drive yesterday. its very hard i kept spilling it!
     
  13. jani

    jani Fan Favourite

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    heard that one bout 6 years ago seriously!!! :p :rolleyes: :(


    except it was Man Utd vs Man City and Keane got sent off.
     
  14. Scotto

    Scotto Reserve Team

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    I don't sniff coke, the ice cubes get stuck to my nose

    This is my step ladder, my real ladder left home when i was 5

    :rockman:
     
  15. AcillateM

    AcillateM Senior Squad

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  16. Deutschland

    Deutschland Starting XI

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    This is GOLD! I am going to use this with all different teams now :D
     
  17. houston3721

    houston3721 Senior Squad

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    i have read this one before, in a Chinese magazine. :) its nice.
    I have one which is translated from Chinese by myself...

    There are only 3 types or people in the whole world, the people who can count number and the people who cannont count.
     
  18. Scotto

    Scotto Reserve Team

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    Michael Carlos*son swore on the pope's life that he never did it.
     
  19. shokz

    shokz The Red Devil

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    (H)
     
  20. Deisler

    Deisler Red Card [Being a douche] exp. 22/1/06

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    How do you manage to seat 4 gays in a single chair?
    You turn the chair upside down and use a legchair for each.

    How many jews can you fit in a Wolzwagen?
    6 million ashes.

    Haw many cops you need to arrest a black dude?
    You need 3 of am. 1 to hold the black guy and 2 to hold his stereo system.

    Why jewish women like guys circumsized?
    Because its 25 % off the original prize.
     
      

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