JOKES!! Post them here!

[Deisler]

Liverpool

What's that bird on Liverpool's badge?

A pterdactyl, to remind them of the bird that flew in the skies when they last won a league/cup/anything at all

This joke is expired.


What do you do if in the middle of the night you see your stereo floatting?
You shoot the blake dude stealing it.

Winning the marathon for people with limited brain functions doesn't mean anything. Youre still retarded.

Totti happily tells his girlfriend he found a book titled "How to solve 50 % of the problems." His gf curios asked him if he bought it? Totti proudly answers. Yes honey i bought 2 of them.

Totti in the police precint is being interrogated
Police officer: Name?
Francesco: Totti
Police officer: Borned?
Francesco: Yes.
Police officer: Sex?
Francesco: No thanks i'm engaged.

 

[IceBlu]

This joke is expired.


What do you do if in the middle of the night you see your stereo floatting?
You shoot the blake dude stealing it.

Winning the marathon for people with limited brain functions doesn't mean anything. Youre still retarded.

Totti happily tells his girlfriend he found a book titled "How to solve 50 % of the problems." His gf curios asked him if he bought it? Totti proudly answers. Yes honey i bought 2 of them.

Totti in the police precint is being interrogated
Police officer: Name?
Francesco: Totti
Police officer: Borned?
Francesco: Yes.
Police officer: Sex?
Francesco: No thanks i'm engaged.

.... you and your modified versions of already crappy jokes. Good job. Now please kill yourself now for posting that rubbish

 

[Deisler]

yo mama

 

[Scotto]

1.
I bought a box of animal shaped biscuits & on the box it said do not eat if seel broken. I opened the box, layed them all out, i wouldya know the seel was broken!

2.
Leann Rhymes!!




No it don't!!

3.
Get a toy globe & get a housefly, and put the housefly over the globe and see him go 'oh know i've gone too far!

 

[mark77]

This is another dear tech support joke, hope it hasen't been posted.

_______________________________________________________________


Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system>activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.



Please help! Thanks, A Troubled User.

-----



REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support.

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command CAPOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.

Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag, Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.



Best of luck, Tech Support

 

[dubcrazy]

(no offence)
chocci bicci= choclate biscuit

A Tourist from india bumped into a women outside a supermarket and knocked all her shopping on the ground.
the women asks will you help me pick these up and he replies
not unless u give me a chocci bicci,so she gives him a biscuit
will u help me carry these home he replies,not unless u give me a chocci bicci,so she gives him a biscuit,she says will u have dinner with me and he replies not unless u give me a chocci bicci,so she gives him a biscuit
she says will u have sex with me and he replies
not unless u give me a chocci bicci,so she gives him a biscuit
she runs upstairs and gets undressed,in the middle of it she hears honey im home
she says quick quick get in the closet the husband comes in and says why are u nacked she says for you love he says dont lie ill rip all your (hairs down below)out she says i nacked for u.he replies lier so he is riping them all out and 1 big fat black juicy hair is left he roars come out you black bast***d. NOT UNLESS YOU GIVE ME A CHOCCI BICCI .

 

[gian]

A guy goes to the doctor. He knows he is not good so he decides to ask the doctor straight.

-Doctor, There is a problem rite?
-Yes i am afraid we can't do anything you are doomed.
-Wat what nothing! How..
After a while the guy realises there is nothing he can do so he decides to ask the doctor :
-So doctor how long will i live?
-10
-10? 10 what? Days?Months?Years? Tell me!
-10..9..8..7

 

[Joe Star]

Old . Anyway here's 1
A guy calls his friend, who happens to be having a shower at that time so his servant picks up the phone. When asked what his friend was doing, the servant promptly replied "Masturbating" (Master Bathing)

 

[gian]

lol

another one

A blonde enters a taxi.
The taxi drivers ask her. "Where are we going?"
The blonde asnwers : "Why are you coming too?!"

:P

 

[King]

Old . Anyway here's 1
A guy calls his friend, who happens to be having a shower at that time so his servant picks up the phone. When asked what his friend was doing, the servant promptly replied "Masturbating" (Master Bathing)

Hahahahahahaha

 

[Will]

IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY RELIGIOUS JOKES DO NOT READ THIS JOKE.




















A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks the assistant for a blow up doll. The assistant asks "male or female?" "Female". "Black or white?" "White". "Christian or Muslim?" The man replies: "why the fucking hell does that matter, it's only a bloody doll?" The assistant replies "Well, the Muslim ones blow themselves up....."

 

[Joe Star]

As fvcked up as that was.............














I LAUGHED MY DAMN ASS OFF!!!!!!

 

[King]

Taking ur cock off.

 

[Will]

Taking ur cock off.

????


WTF
​

 

[Joe Star]

Leave him alone. No one can ever understand King .

 

[nird]

How do you manage to seat 4 gays in a single chair?
You turn the chair upside down and use a legchair for each.

How many jews can you fit in a Wolzwagen?
6 million ashes.

Haw many cops you need to arrest a black dude?
You need 3 of am. 1 to hold the black guy and 2 to hold his stereo system.

Why jewish women like guys circumsized?
Because its 25 % off the original prize.

Still got some in your blood, huh?

 

[gian]

lol FC united that was good 1!

 

[goal_machine84]

Dunno if its posted before....but here it goes:


Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the
men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last
month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest
psychological techniques: visualization, association. It was great."

"Wow! What was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a
smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower
with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of
that memory clinic?"

 

[b-ytter]

IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY RELIGIOUS JOKES DO NOT READ THIS JOKE.




















A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks the assistant for a blow up doll. The assistant asks "male or female?" "Female". "Black or white?" "White". "Christian or Muslim?" The man replies: "why the fucking hell does that matter, it's only a bloody doll?" The assistant replies "Well, the Muslim ones blow themselves up....."

hahahahaha!!
good one!

 

[Joe Star]

Man walks up to the bar & asks the waitress for a glass of milk. The waitress takes off her top & offers him her tits. The guy then tells her "Lucky I didnt ask for water......."