The war against terror has opened a new front. Buoyed by victories in Afghanistan and Iraq, the US has launched an attack on Jupiter in what one source admits has taken the nation 'by surprise'.
Somewhat aggrieved that they had been left out of the intelligence loop in previous conflicts, the national space agency NASA were this time handed the reigns, and allowed to launch the first in a series of pre-emptive strikes on what vice -president Dick Cheney describes as 'rogue planets'.
"We can never be sure where the next threat is coming from, and just because our intelligence agencies have not pinpointed Jupiter as behind the 9/11 attacks, does not mean that they were not somehow involved" said Mr. Cheney in a Whitehouse press briefing held to announce the strike.
Given the size of Jupiter, the conflict is expected to last for some time, leading some skeptics to suggest that the new war is an ill-disguised attempt by President George Bush to secure re-election in 2004 and take the media spotlight off of perceived shortcomings of the US occupation of Iraq. Mr Bush was unavailable for comment on these claims, apparently attending a 3rd grade reading recital at an undisclosed Washington school.
The Galileo spcaecraft was used in the attack, having spent 14 years preparing for just such a mission, with initial preparations underway in the days when Ronald Reagan was president. Some democrats have suggested that this is further evidence that the strike on Jupiter has been planned well in advance, and had nothing to do with the War on Terror but was an ill-disguised attempt to secure the natural gas resources so abundant on Jupiter.
In related matters, French president Jacques Chirac is said to be furious that the US has launched this latest attack without recourse to the United nations security council.
Meanwhile, a Washington Post poll taken immediately after the strike has found that 65% of Americans think it 'entirely possible' that the planet of Jupiter was behind the 9/11 attacks. 54% also thought that Jupiter may be harbouring ex-Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein.
Even though US military forces are stretched to the brink at the current time, a Whitehouse spokesman said there were no plans for the draft to be reintroduced, given that soldiers would age and die in the time it took to reach the planet. This has not stopped a surge in volunteers for the US army, with Chuck Steiner, 19, of Milwaukee claiming "I will die for the freedoms my country stands for, and if that means I die on the way to execute the mission, then so be it".
Jupiters leaders were unavailable for comment, preferring to wait until they assess the repercussions of the intitial strike.
Somewhat aggrieved that they had been left out of the intelligence loop in previous conflicts, the national space agency NASA were this time handed the reigns, and allowed to launch the first in a series of pre-emptive strikes on what vice -president Dick Cheney describes as 'rogue planets'.
"We can never be sure where the next threat is coming from, and just because our intelligence agencies have not pinpointed Jupiter as behind the 9/11 attacks, does not mean that they were not somehow involved" said Mr. Cheney in a Whitehouse press briefing held to announce the strike.
Given the size of Jupiter, the conflict is expected to last for some time, leading some skeptics to suggest that the new war is an ill-disguised attempt by President George Bush to secure re-election in 2004 and take the media spotlight off of perceived shortcomings of the US occupation of Iraq. Mr Bush was unavailable for comment on these claims, apparently attending a 3rd grade reading recital at an undisclosed Washington school.
The Galileo spcaecraft was used in the attack, having spent 14 years preparing for just such a mission, with initial preparations underway in the days when Ronald Reagan was president. Some democrats have suggested that this is further evidence that the strike on Jupiter has been planned well in advance, and had nothing to do with the War on Terror but was an ill-disguised attempt to secure the natural gas resources so abundant on Jupiter.
In related matters, French president Jacques Chirac is said to be furious that the US has launched this latest attack without recourse to the United nations security council.
Meanwhile, a Washington Post poll taken immediately after the strike has found that 65% of Americans think it 'entirely possible' that the planet of Jupiter was behind the 9/11 attacks. 54% also thought that Jupiter may be harbouring ex-Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein.
Even though US military forces are stretched to the brink at the current time, a Whitehouse spokesman said there were no plans for the draft to be reintroduced, given that soldiers would age and die in the time it took to reach the planet. This has not stopped a surge in volunteers for the US army, with Chuck Steiner, 19, of Milwaukee claiming "I will die for the freedoms my country stands for, and if that means I die on the way to execute the mission, then so be it".
Jupiters leaders were unavailable for comment, preferring to wait until they assess the repercussions of the intitial strike.
