The Dating/Courtship Thread

[ShiftyPowers]

We've had a Sex Thread, which is one of the classic SG threads of all time, and now the Dating thread! I really just used "courtship" because I think it's a funny word.

Anyway, share your tips, stories, experiences, and failures ye Lotharios of SG!

Suggested Topics:

First Dates
Venues
Alcohol
Conversation Topics
Online Dating
Meeting
Asking Out
Getting to Sex
Long Term Relationships
Long Distance Relationships

 

[ARIAGA II]

I once met the perfect girl, no exaggeration she was perfect. Ticked every box on my list and added a few. Unfortunately she moved way too far from me, so even if we do meet again I'll have to start all over again. Somehow she's still single which means either the boys in her area are idiots or do not like girls.

*sighs*

Moral of the story is if Joe Cabot and Nice Guy Eddie actually did some background research on Mr. Orange they'll have avoided the whole fiasco that took place in the movie.

and yes she is courtship perfect.

 

[Mandieta6]

I get that. When I was 16 I fell for this girl who would be moving to the States in the summer. I courted her anyway and it never got anywhere serious, even though we both wanted to. When she left I remember lamenting it and going ape**** when she told me that she actually hadn't wanted it to get serious for fear 'of getting hurt' to which I told her to **** off and if I remember corectly, I added Sir_Didier_Drogba to a convo with her in the hope that he'd scar her for life. Can't remember how that went, but that was definitely the worst 'relationship' I've had. Totally ****ed that up from start to finish and I had a 'I'm not doing that **** again' attitude for years.

Understandably though, I wrote her a ******* poem and told her I loved her without getting anything out of it. I'm still embarassed by that ****.

Also once ****ed up by not pulling the trigger even when a chick told me, and I quote '****, you turn me on.' Same chick I got drunk once and tried to get her to come to my house for a booty call. She said 'I can't now, how about tomorrow?' and I said '**** off, I want it now." I didn't get none.

Another weird one I walked home after a night out with classmates, where everything was going right, Ikept pushing her buttons and she was eating it up, I unknowingly pulled a move out of the 'The Notebook' handbook by having her lay down in the middle of a bridge with me, and when we got within 5 minutes to her house (having walked for an hour in the rain), she decided to take a cab home. To this day I dunno what went wrong.

With my current girlfriend I think things went smoother because we were friends and she kept seeing me hit on other girls and discuss PUA tactics with her, I think it itched her the wrong way and we wound up making out. Moral of the story is... never fall in love in the Jersey Shore.

Actually, the only thing I've learned, and which I profess to all my friends now, is to avoid oneitis.

 

[ShiftyPowers]

Ilaje has the oneitis. Az, your dating history is cringe worthy, or at least the mistakes that you have detailed here.

I think a good rule of thumb is to follow Han Solo: "Chase them, but don't look like you're trying to chase them." You never want the trail to go cold, and a girl who likes you and sees you as relationship material might mistakenly think that you don't like her if you wait a week between texts and try to seem too cool. The most basic human psychological principle is that we like people who like us. But at the same time you don't want to seem desperate. It's a dance.

For *ahem* shorter term things, "active disinterest" is the best. Sounds similar, but isn't. This is where you don't let the trail go cold, but you tease and neg to get her really attracted to you. You communicate, but it's not necessarily about sharing interests and building a connection (foundations of a good LTR) as much as its about building attraction. While you obviously want to do some of that to all girls, some good advice on girls you're trying to wife is to BACK THE **** OFF ON THE COCKY **** once you have them. Positive one night stand traits like being someone who has sex with a lot of girls are not positive LTR traits. You want to have options and be in control, but you need to prove "I'm not going to leave once we have sex."

And remember:

"Charm is interest with a smooth, polished approach"

"Creepy is showing interest before she's attracted"

 

[Mandieta6]

Yeah, some of that stuff is painful to read.

 

[ARIAGA II]

With my current girlfriend I think things went smoother because we were friends and she kept seeing me hit on other girls and discuss PUA tactics with her, I think it itched her the wrong way and we wound up making out.

That's strange to me, I've never been friends with any of my girlfriends prior to us going out. I have no idea how to transform the friendship into anything else.

Yes that story was pure oneitis, no shame.

 

[::shinji::]

Also once ****ed up by not pulling the trigger even when a chick told me, and I quote '****, you turn me on.' .

I used to do this quite a bit when I was younger, I would try to be TOO much of a gentleman and show women way too much respect before they actually earned any. The results would be that I would go out on a few dates with a chick and never make any moves, be overly careful with how I spoke, and gave her lots of breathing room, all out of fear of coming off as creepy or pushy. In the end, she'd actually get bored and/or think I wasn't into her and the relationship would just fizzle out. I blame feminism.

I talked to one of these girls online like a year after going out with her and she said something like "what ever happened with us, did I do something to offend you?"

 

[Sir Calumn]

I met him online. We used to post on a forum together, about soccer and gaming. We had mutual interests in films and championship manager. We laughed, we cried. And then he left me.

When she left I remember lamenting it and going ape**** when she told me that she actually hadn't wanted it to get serious for fear 'of getting hurt' to which I told her to **** off and if I remember corectly, I added Sir_Didier_Drogba to a convo with her in the hope that he'd scar her for life.

Hahaha I half remember that...

 

[Sir Calumn]

I posted this somewhere before, but it's absolutely true....

Dating tip: When taking a girl out to a restaurant for the first time, I am firmly of the opinion that it is more than acceptable to act like a complete glutton. Obviously order with taste, but personally I order as much as I want (which is a lot), always three courses plus cheese, always large portions, if she finishes before me **** her, I'm not speeding up, if she doesnt want a starter because she's watching her figure, **** it, I want a big starter, if she only wants one glass of wine, **** it, I want a bottle, and desert wine, and calvados, and whiskeys after. If I feel like using my hands, I use them. I have good table manners, but I am a very messy eater, usually by the end of a meal my napkin is covered in stains and the area around my chair resembles a landfill site.

Anyway, I think gluttony is an attractive quality in a man. Shows you know how to enjoy life, shows you're prepared to be yourself, shows your not a sleaze ball trying to stay sober and eat quick just to get in her pants. And, if it doesnt work out, at least you had a bloody good meal.

Not so long ago I took a girl out to lunch and made her sit and watch me eat 16 oysters, a kilo of mussels, a creme brulet and a cheese platter with a bottle of white wine, a desert wine, a cognac and four whiskeys while she had a fruit juice and nibbled half of a small salad. And it was her birthday

"This is one of the best birthdays I ever had, it's so nice to just relax and talk to someone." I didnt answer because my mouth was too full.

 

[ShiftyPowers]

I used to do this quite a bit when I was younger, I would try to be TOO much of a gentleman and show women way too much respect before they actually earned any. The results would be that I would go out on a few dates with a chick and never make any moves, be overly careful with how I spoke, and gave her lots of breathing room, all out of fear of coming off as creepy or pushy. In the end, she'd actually get bored and/or think I wasn't into her and the relationship would just fizzle out. I blame feminism.

I used to do this as well, but in Az's example it could just be a girl testing him. Girls can say all kinds of forward **** and then when you respond like "okay! sounds great!" they're not into it.

 

[Mandieta6]

That's strange to me, I've never been friends with any of my girlfriends prior to us going out. I have no idea how to transform the friendship into anything else.

Yes that story was pure oneitis, no shame.

We didn't try to transition, it just happened. And objectively speaking, it's not recommended.

 

[Keegan]

If a girl wants to talk about herself, listen and take mental notes - there will be a test.

If, while on a date, she seems to have taken particular care in her appearance, take note of what she is wearing and where you are. On a future date when she is prattling on and you may have zoned her out, if she asks "what are you thinking about?" you can say : "I was just remembering our date at ------- when you wore that really nice -----. That was hot!"

Points on the board.

 

[Filipower]

Until I was like 15/16, I was probably the worst in my group of friends when it came to flirting/asking out/dating and other shenanigans. From 16 to 19 things happened that lead me to be much more open minded, laid back and outgoing. The girls-interested chart began to shoot up, and after a couple of years with on-and-offs and short term flings, I'm now in a long-term relationship. My face hasn't changed much since I was 16, the main thing is the attitude imo.

 

[::shinji::]

Until I was like 15/16, I was probably the worst in my group of friends when it came to flirting/asking out/dating and other shenanigans. From 16 to 19 things happened that lead me to be much more open minded, laid back and outgoing. The girls-interested chart began to shoot up, and after a couple of years with on-and-offs and short term flings, I'm now in a long-term relationship. My face hasn't changed much since I was 16, the main thing is the attitude imo.

What changed if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Filipower]

It's specific that's why I didn't mention it, because it can't really be used as an example, but I guess among other things my parents divorce helped that. It could have made me more introvert but it worked the other way around because it put things in perspective, I guess? So that was a big factor...

 

[::shinji::]

I understand, that's pretty impressive actually that you'd turn it into a positive. I have a habit of doing the opposite and reacting poorly to life changing events.

 

[Jaboldinho]

I'm just going to sit back and try to learn from this thread.

I'm pretty popular, social, etc. But I'm also a huge pussy, and never make a move. This results with me having a lot of girl friends.

 

[ShiftyPowers]

I'd actually say that 95% of the logistical work is done for you, like you say, it's just about calibrating your attitude.

1) USE YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS! Girls are superficial as ****, and seeing a guy around good looking women gets them interested. If you're the dude hanging out with a bunch of hot chicks and you go up to a new girl to chat her up, I think you will probably get a "oh hi!" response from her instead of a "yeah?" Why is this? Because she noticed you already! ****, from there it's almost like you're playing to just not **** it up instead of trying to impress and attract her.

1b) USE YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS! Girls know girls, and girls LOVE to play match maker. Ask them to hook you up.

2) Alcohol is your friend. Don't go on dinner or coffee dates, get some social lubricant and the moon to help you out. Inhibitions are about as low as they can get at night time in a bar.

3) IMO, the two hardest parts are knowing what to say to attract a girl, and knowing when she's interested. The first one, I'd actually recommend PUA material, although I wouldn't recommend any played out routines you see in The Game, for instance. The second one, I think is either natural or from experience. But needless to say, there becomes a point when you can read it all over a girl's face that she's down for some serious physical escalation and your job is to provide her with it. In this case, alcohol can help lower your inhibitions as well.

4) Humor really is your friend. Guys without experience scoff when all the girls in Playboy list their turnoffs as "sense of humor", but it really is true. You just have to calibrate your own natural witticism and comedic timing with the kind of humor girls like. A good rule of thumb is that anything that was good on the playground in 2nd Grade is good for pickup.

 

[Filipower]

A good rule of thumb is that anything that was good on the playground in 2nd Grade is good for pickup.

Sexist

 

[ShiftyPowers]

I know you are, but what am I