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The joke thread.

G

Gerrard 17

Fan Favourite
Originally posted by Dragan T
A chinese man and an israeli are talking. All of a sudden, the israeli goes:
"You know what, I don't like you chinese."
"Why the hell not?!", said the chinese.
"Cause ya'll bombed Pearl Harbor", said the israeli.
"What the fu**", said the chinese man, "that wasn't the chinese, that was the japanese!"
"Bah", said the israeli, "chinese, japanese, vietnamese, it's all the same!"
To which the chinese man replied:
"Well, you know what, I don't like you israelis!"
"Why?", said the israeli.
"Cause you guys sunk the Titanic!", said the chinese man.
"What are you talking about? That wasn't an israeli, that was an iceberg!", replied the israeli.
To which the chinese man replied:
"Bah, Iceberg, Goldberg, Spielberg, it's all the same!"

:crazyboy:
Click to expand...

Chinese don't talk like gangstaz man!

An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It is the first time they have flown together and it is obvious by the silence that they do not get along.
After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters:
"I do not like Chinese."
The First Officer replies:
"Oooooh, no likee Chinese? Why dat?"
"You bombed Pearl harbor. That is why I do not like Chinese."
"Nooooo, noooo... Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese."
"Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese...it does not matter, they are all alike."
Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally the First Officer says:
"No likee Jew."
"Why not? Why do not you like Jews?"
"Jews sink Titanic."
"No, no. The Jews did not sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Steinberg, Rosenberg... no mattah... all same!"
 
U

Ubik Valis

Croatian Viking
Originally posted by MastaLFC
Chinese don't talk like gangstaz man!

An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It is the first time they have flown together and it is obvious by the silence that they do not get along.
After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters:
"I do not like Chinese."
The First Officer replies:
"Oooooh, no likee Chinese? Why dat?"
"You bombed Pearl harbor. That is why I do not like Chinese."
"Nooooo, noooo... Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese."
"Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese...it does not matter, they are all alike."
Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally the First Officer says:
"No likee Jew."
"Why not? Why do not you like Jews?"
"Jews sink Titanic."
"No, no. The Jews did not sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Steinberg, Rosenberg... no mattah... all same!"
Click to expand...

OK...professor...:|
 
G

Gerrard 17

Fan Favourite
what's the difference between a priest and a pimple?














































a pimple doesn't come on your face until you're a teenager


:funny: :funny: :funny:
 
O

OWENISAGUN

Reserve Team
Alright i got some jokes. But take not
DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED!!!
THESE ARE REALLY MESSED UP!!
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
TAKE A DEEP BREATH!




**4 REALLY MESSED UP ONES!!! (about Babies)**
Q: what's the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies?
A: i don't have a ferrari in my garage...

Q: Why couldnt the baby crawl?
A: Coz it was nailed to the ground.

Q: Why couldnt the baby crawl through the door?
A: Coz it had a javelin through its head.

Q: What's more fun than fitting 12 babies into 1 bucket?
A: Fitting 1 baby into 12 buckets!

Q: what does superman eat for breakfast?
A: kryptonite by the looks of it.

IF YOU ARE OFFENDE BY RELIGIOUS JOKES DONT READ THE NEXT TWO!!
Q: Whats is the diffrence between a catholic priest and acne?
A: Acne waits until your 13 to come on your face.

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A: You only need one nail to hang the picture...


I got some more, but are way 2 offensive 2 post here, this is the final one, this is only offensive to women,

Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time

Thats it, if you were offended by these I apoligise, but i warned you!
________
Mazda Familia Astina Picture
 
B

Bobby

The Legend
Originally posted by MastaLFC
what's the difference between a priest and a pimple?














































a pimple doesn't come on your face until you're a teenager


:funny: :funny: :funny:
Click to expand...


:rockman: :funny: :funny:
 
I

IceBlu

Guest
Originally posted by OWENISAGUN
Alright i got some jokes. But take not
DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED!!!
THESE ARE REALLY MESSED UP!!
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
TAKE A DEEP BREATH!




**4 REALLY MESSED UP ONES!!! (about Babies)**
Q: what's the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies?
A: i don't have a ferrari in my garage...

Q: Why couldnt the baby crawl?
A: Coz it was nailed to the ground.

Q: Why couldnt the baby crawl through the door?
A: Coz it had a javelin through its head.

Q: What's more fun than fitting 12 babies into 1 bucket?
A: Fitting 1 baby into 12 buckets!

Q: what does superman eat for breakfast?
A: kryptonite by the looks of it.

IF YOU ARE OFFENDE BY RELIGIOUS JOKES DONT READ THE NEXT TWO!!
Q: Whats is the diffrence between a catholic priest and acne?
A: Acne waits until your 13 to come on your face.

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A: You only need one nail to hang the picture...


I got some more, but are way 2 offensive 2 post here, this is the final one, this is only offensive to women,

Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time

Thats it, if you were offended by these I apoligise, but i warned you!
Click to expand...




HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA :D:D:D:D:D thanks for making my day !

if u can send me the more offensive ones via PM that would be great :)
 
G

GreeningforEng!

Senior Squad
Originally posted by SID7
What's the difference between acne and a man from Middlesbrough?
Acne doesn't come on your face until you're 13

How do you know when it is bedtime in Middlesbrough?
When the big hand touches the small hand.
Click to expand...
With all due respect, could you please remove these jokes? I'm a man from Middlesbrough with several nieces and nephews, and certainly don't indulge in this sort of behaviour, and quite frankly, I don't know what makes you think that Middlesbrough is a hotbed for paedophilia

Nothing against you personally, but the first post said nothing offensive and I find this quite offensive, and I don't want to have to report this post to the mods or anything, and I'm sure you're compromising enough to remove 'em

Thanks in advance
 
O

OWENISAGUN

Reserve Team
WOW did i kill this thread?? LOL,

heres a couple non offensive jokes then.

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: The kid thru a fridge at it

Q: What is the difference between Pornography and Art??
A: A government grant

NOTE: I stole that last one from Family Guy (Best show in history!)
________
Easy vape vaporizer
 
yoyo913

yoyo913

Team Captain
There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesn't know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he's going with his donkey.
"Anywhere I go, she goes."
"I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you can't take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and we'll take good care of her." So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesn't want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.
''Great!'' replied Bozo. ''How much do I have to pay?'' he asks.
''One thousand dollars for the food.''
''But I haven't touched the food."
''It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand dollars for the TV."
''But I didn't even know how to turn the damn thing on!''
''It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for sleeping on the bed."
''But I slept on the floor!''
''It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars."
''You owe me ten thousand dollars for screwing my donkey.''
''But sir, I didn't screw your donkey.''
''It was there. You should have!''
 
J

JeffBoy15

Guest
Not everyone gets this one, just bare with me though...

A guy is at the airport and he's about to buy a ticket for him and his friend. So he gets to the front of the line to see the chick selling tickets has got the biggest rack he's ever seen, "Can I get two pickets to Tittsburg?" He says, stummbling over his words. "I'm so sorry!" He is quick to apologize, obviously embarrased. "It's Okay, really. I get it all the time," she reassures him. They both have a good laugh.

So the guy gets on his plane and tells his buddy what happened. His friend says, "You know, the same thing happen to me this morning, I was asking my wife to pass the Pop Tarts and what came out was, 'You ruined my life you stupid whore.'"
 
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