Crime

[Bobby]

I'm considering going to Fiji and sucking up the dignified chap who has named himself in control of all governmental functions.

 

[Dipanjan]

Pakistan needs you more than Fiji.

 

[Theodorakis]

I'm struggling to see whats so funny here.. and I'm not being the grouchy smurf this time..

 

[Sir Calumn]

Alright, three days ago I finally achieved an ambition I have been aspiring to my entire life. For years I have wondered, dreamed, fantasized as to what it would be like to punch a cow in the face, and I finally made that dream into a reality. I tricked said cow into approaching me with false kindness, holding out grass (obviously over a fence, I didnt have the balls to do this mano a mano) and making mooing sounds (I have a natural talent for animal impressions), gained its trust and then WHAM, let her have a right hook straight in the jaw. The big bastard didnt know what to make of it, looked totally shocked and staggered back. I was kinda hoping it would stampede like cows do in movies, but it just didnt know what had happened. I did feel a twinge of guilt as I saw the sadness and disappointment in her glistening eye, but all in all it was a very worthwhile experience.

I am aware that my recent criminal activities have been somewhat animal orientated, I next intend to branch out into more dynamic thefts and petty vandalism.

 

[Filipower]

Alright, three days ago I finally achieved an ambition I have been aspiring to my entire life. For years I have wondered, dreamed, fantasized as to what it would be like to punch a cow in the face, and I finally made that dream into a reality. I tricked said cow into approaching me with false kindness, holding out grass (obviously over a fence, I didnt have the balls to do this mano a mano) and making mooing sounds (I have a natural talent for animal impressions), gained its trust and then WHAM, let her have a right hook straight in the jaw. The big bastard didnt know what to make of it, looked totally shocked and staggered back. I was kinda hoping it would stampede like cows do in movies, but it just didnt know what had happened. I did feel a twinge of guilt as I saw the sadness and disappointment in her glistening eye, but all in all it was a very worthwhile experience.

Your poor mom.









sorry, someone just had to

 

[Mus]

Alright, three days ago I finally achieved an ambition I have been aspiring to my entire life. For years I have wondered, dreamed, fantasized as to what it would be like to punch a cow in the face, and I finally made that dream into a reality.

i have actually felt like that before

 

[Run DMB]

Alright, three days ago I finally achieved an ambition I have been aspiring to my entire life. For years I have wondered, dreamed, fantasized as to what it would be like to punch a cow in the face, and I finally made that dream into a reality. I tricked said cow into approaching me with false kindness, holding out grass (obviously over a fence, I didnt have the balls to do this mano a mano) and making mooing sounds (I have a natural talent for animal impressions), gained its trust and then WHAM, let her have a right hook straight in the jaw. The big bastard didnt know what to make of it, looked totally shocked and staggered back. I was kinda hoping it would stampede like cows do in movies, but it just didnt know what had happened. I did feel a twinge of guilt as I saw the sadness and disappointment in her glistening eye, but all in all it was a very worthwhile experience.

I am aware that my recent criminal activities have been somewhat animal orientated, I next intend to branch out into more dynamic thefts and petty vandalism.

No cow tipping? Or is that a brutish American custom unbecoming of a refined English degenerate such as yourself?

 

[Bobby]

Alright, three days ago I finally achieved an ambition I have been aspiring to my entire life. For years I have wondered, dreamed, fantasized as to what it would be like to punch a cow in the face, and I finally made that dream into a reality. I tricked said cow into approaching me with false kindness, holding out grass (obviously over a fence, I didnt have the balls to do this mano a mano) and making mooing sounds (I have a natural talent for animal impressions), gained its trust and then WHAM, let her have a right hook straight in the jaw. The big bastard didnt know what to make of it, looked totally shocked and staggered back. I was kinda hoping it would stampede like cows do in movies, but it just didnt know what had happened. I did feel a twinge of guilt as I saw the sadness and disappointment in her glistening eye, but all in all it was a very worthwhile experience.

I am aware that my recent criminal activities have been somewhat animal orientated, I next intend to branch out into more dynamic thefts and petty vandalism.

You should be advised that if our paths ever cross there is an extreme likelihood of your demise.

 

[Ubik Valis]

Haha, C0lumn's gonna get his ass kicked by the tall, skinny, tree-hugging hippie.

 

[Mandieta6]

Says the pale, animal-hugging hippie.


I gots my money on Bobby.

 

[Sir Calumn]

You should be advised that if our paths ever cross there is an extreme likelihood of your demise.

Bobby, remember that pitch I made to you a while back about starting a child brothel in Cambodia? Well, I've been thinking about it further and I think it's a very viable possibility, what with the crackdowns in other S.E.Asian countries more and more men with intergenerational fetishes are being forced to turn to lawless Cambodia to indulge in their sexual preferences. With my knowledge of the country and the easy availability of orphaned children thanks to poverty and civil war combined with the ingovernability of the country and increasing popularity of child ass, I sense a massive business opportunity. I was even thinking of some nice additional touches such as using limbless landmine children and emotionally scarred children from warzones so that they're easier to control. I can still bring you in as a partner of "Sir_Didier_Drogba (and Bobby's?) Kiddies Corner - The Creche with many Happy Endings" if you're interested? What do you say?

Btw to conform with your environmental views the whole brothel will be carbon neutral.

 

[Bobby]

Btw to conform with your environmental views the whole brothel will be carbon neutral.

Hahaha.

I think you need to come on in a venture we're planning involving US Military, rednecks, NFL fans, Saudi terrorists, gays, 80's rockers, bankers, catholic priests, and Burt Reynolds.

All to run opposite the super bowl.

 

[Sir Calumn]

Sounds like the perfect microcosm of morality in global politics. I'm in.