nickclubman
Starting XI
WC 2002 Guide: EA SPORTS: £50. SPECIAL OFFER!!! Reduced from £150.
Hi, welcome to the EA SPORTS guide for 2002 FIFA World Cup, the game that lets you take part in the only officially licensed game by yours truly EA SPORTS!
You all know the slogan “If it’s in the game, it’s in Pro Evolution Soccer”
Right, well, lets get started.
First of all, this is the most realistic football game ever created by top programmers. It’s sometimes hard to get them to work, so feeding them bananas and letting them swing on the office lights, sometimes makes them get to work faster.
When getting started in a match, try passing the ball round, in fact, ALWAYS try passing the ball round, it’s very fun and relaxing, maybe if you try and pass to your players it would give you a chance, but I’ll get back to that hidden game later.
If you’re standing on the half way line, don’t shoot, you won’t get enough power, or accuracy to beat the goalkeeper, so you should always header the ball, as we at EA SPORTS are dedicated to bringing you the worst ball physics you could ever imagine. You should get the power and the accuracy to beat the goalkeeper.
By trying to tackle the opposition, it’s always best to slide tackle. Sure you might foul him, but by trying a conservative tackle, you might…foul yourself. Rolling over and over and taking 20 seconds to get back up makes the game, we feel, no one else in the entire universe, but WE as a team feel this makes a game of football more realistic and fun for everyone, especially people who’ve never played football. You don’t think we actually aim our football games at football fans do you?
We like team kits and licensing, we like it THAT much that we like to make our own kits at times and slap them on players that should be wearing their official kits. It’s something we can’t help, we enjoy it and the Monkeys, I mean programmers find it hard to make all them kits for the teams.
The player faces have improved this year, yep, they are great…we know this makes the gameplay better; cause football isn’t actually that important in a football game, but knowing which player you are controlling is.
I enjoy eating out, don’t you?
Oh, what else do you need to know to become a master of 2002 FIFA World Cup? Oh yeah, shooting, to shoot on target, aim the other way and watch the player turn round and blast it on target. This is really fun, and takes the opposition by surprise. This is the key to shooting, and ads the realism points, up and up, no doubt about that. We know our football; we just don’t like to incorporate the actual football.
Now we thought (when we got bored) that it would be funny to piss you guys off, so we added lots of special little glowing things on players. We couldn’t be mean though, so to make the game more realistic, star players can shoot fire from the balls arse!
Goal keepers are hard to master, so we can’t be bothered with them and besides they aren’t that important, as shots from the opposition usually always go in, so perhaps when the opposition is 1 on 1 with your goalkeeper, call him out. They were going to score anyway.
Try crossing the ball, see what you can do, show off, you know it helps scoring a goal. Maybe if you cross it with a bit more profession. For example; when crossing the ball, don’t actually cross the ball, pass it back and take a nice long range shot, it’s going in!
Have you ever seen a header go faster then a shot, we haven’t so we wanted it in our game!
Thanks for reading; I’m sure if you read this over and over (which you will) then you’ll become a master of 2002 FIFA World Cup in seconds!!
Thank you!
***
I think this is kind of funny, I get bored. If no one likes it, then I'll delete it, simple as that.
hahaha, it's so funny.
Nick Clubman
Hi, welcome to the EA SPORTS guide for 2002 FIFA World Cup, the game that lets you take part in the only officially licensed game by yours truly EA SPORTS!
You all know the slogan “If it’s in the game, it’s in Pro Evolution Soccer”
Right, well, lets get started.
First of all, this is the most realistic football game ever created by top programmers. It’s sometimes hard to get them to work, so feeding them bananas and letting them swing on the office lights, sometimes makes them get to work faster.
When getting started in a match, try passing the ball round, in fact, ALWAYS try passing the ball round, it’s very fun and relaxing, maybe if you try and pass to your players it would give you a chance, but I’ll get back to that hidden game later.
If you’re standing on the half way line, don’t shoot, you won’t get enough power, or accuracy to beat the goalkeeper, so you should always header the ball, as we at EA SPORTS are dedicated to bringing you the worst ball physics you could ever imagine. You should get the power and the accuracy to beat the goalkeeper.
By trying to tackle the opposition, it’s always best to slide tackle. Sure you might foul him, but by trying a conservative tackle, you might…foul yourself. Rolling over and over and taking 20 seconds to get back up makes the game, we feel, no one else in the entire universe, but WE as a team feel this makes a game of football more realistic and fun for everyone, especially people who’ve never played football. You don’t think we actually aim our football games at football fans do you?
We like team kits and licensing, we like it THAT much that we like to make our own kits at times and slap them on players that should be wearing their official kits. It’s something we can’t help, we enjoy it and the Monkeys, I mean programmers find it hard to make all them kits for the teams.
The player faces have improved this year, yep, they are great…we know this makes the gameplay better; cause football isn’t actually that important in a football game, but knowing which player you are controlling is.
I enjoy eating out, don’t you?
Oh, what else do you need to know to become a master of 2002 FIFA World Cup? Oh yeah, shooting, to shoot on target, aim the other way and watch the player turn round and blast it on target. This is really fun, and takes the opposition by surprise. This is the key to shooting, and ads the realism points, up and up, no doubt about that. We know our football; we just don’t like to incorporate the actual football.
Now we thought (when we got bored) that it would be funny to piss you guys off, so we added lots of special little glowing things on players. We couldn’t be mean though, so to make the game more realistic, star players can shoot fire from the balls arse!
Goal keepers are hard to master, so we can’t be bothered with them and besides they aren’t that important, as shots from the opposition usually always go in, so perhaps when the opposition is 1 on 1 with your goalkeeper, call him out. They were going to score anyway.
Try crossing the ball, see what you can do, show off, you know it helps scoring a goal. Maybe if you cross it with a bit more profession. For example; when crossing the ball, don’t actually cross the ball, pass it back and take a nice long range shot, it’s going in!
Have you ever seen a header go faster then a shot, we haven’t so we wanted it in our game!
Thanks for reading; I’m sure if you read this over and over (which you will) then you’ll become a master of 2002 FIFA World Cup in seconds!!
Thank you!
***
I think this is kind of funny, I get bored. If no one likes it, then I'll delete it, simple as that.
hahaha, it's so funny.
Nick Clubman
)liked it. Honest. Cos' it shows that you THINK. Once in a while it nice to see someone from the *ahem* other side of the fence *ahem* starts thinking....unfortunately a lot of people still dont share your feeling. Help them Nick!!! Help them see the light!!!
. Then you go for a shot and see a f*cking, fire, farty rainbow thing stuck to the balls behind, seriously UNREALISTIC! 
Simply import the crows graphics from soccer games from the late 80's such as the ZX Spectrum or BBC computer. Don't worry that we've made the players look so realistic that you can at last recognise them by sight, just take notice of the 'anybody could draw this in five seconds on photoshop' approach to crowd animations. Remember that in real soccer every crowd member looks identical and move in identical patterns for the full 90 minutes.