RealMatriX
Youth Team
i need a really good quote, or a quote that's really good related or not related to football. i need it for my grad blurb.. so if you got any please post, ty
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famous quotes
- Thread starter RealMatriX
- Start date
RealMatriX
Youth Team
hmm, maybe, but i don't think they'll really use that in the yearbook
"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with." Marty Feldman.
"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture." Robin Williams.
"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
Paul Merton.
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
Rodney Dangerfield.
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
George Carlin.
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
Charlie Brown.
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
David Letterman.
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
Dick Cavett.
"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
Jerry Seinfeld.
"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest."
Rowan Atkinson.
"He was a wise man who invented beer."
Plato.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
Benjamin Franklin.
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry.
"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."
Dave Barry.
"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy."
Fred Allen.
"Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol." NF Simpson.
"If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it."
W.C.Fields
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
Sue Murphy.
"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
Tommy Cooper
"If you cannot read this, please ask the flight attendant for assistance."
United Airlines Flight Safety Brochure
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
Homer Simpson
(sorry that was necessary)
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
Rita Mae Brown.
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
George Gobol
any of those good?
"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture." Robin Williams.
"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
Paul Merton.
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
Rodney Dangerfield.
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
George Carlin.
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
Charlie Brown.
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
David Letterman.
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
Dick Cavett.
"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
Jerry Seinfeld.
"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest."
Rowan Atkinson.
"He was a wise man who invented beer."
Plato.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
Benjamin Franklin.
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry.
"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."
Dave Barry.
"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy."
Fred Allen.
"Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol." NF Simpson.
"If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it."
W.C.Fields
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
Sue Murphy.
"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
Tommy Cooper
"If you cannot read this, please ask the flight attendant for assistance."
United Airlines Flight Safety Brochure
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
Homer Simpson
(sorry that was necessary)"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
Rita Mae Brown.
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
George Gobol
any of those good?
manutd4eva
Fan Favourite
That one cracked me up:funny:
Homer Simpson is the king of quotes. Where do you start?
Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! --Homer Simpson
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. --Homer Simpson
Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%, and it's all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come. --Homer Simpson
No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. Thats the Amercian Way! --Homer Simpson
Son, being popular is the most important thing in the whole world. --Homer Simpson
There's a New Mexico? --Homer Simpson
They have the Internet on computers, now? --Homer Simpson
What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway? --Homer Simpson
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! --Homer Simpson
Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! --Homer Simpson
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. --Homer Simpson
Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%, and it's all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come. --Homer Simpson
No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. Thats the Amercian Way! --Homer Simpson
Son, being popular is the most important thing in the whole world. --Homer Simpson
There's a New Mexico? --Homer Simpson
They have the Internet on computers, now? --Homer Simpson
What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway? --Homer Simpson
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! --Homer Simpson
:funny:manutd4eva
Fan Favourite
:funpost::funny:
"Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent."
RD Laing.
"Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions."
Woody Allen.
"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex."
Edgar Wallace.
"It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother."
Charles Pierce.
"A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'."
Woody Allen.
"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love."
Woody Allen.
"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less."
Brendan Francis.
"There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid."
Denis Leary.
"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic."
Woody Allen.
"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."
Emo Philips.
"When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
Matt Groening.
"Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them."
Steve Martin.
"It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who."
Joan Rivers.
"If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield.
"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one."
Woody Allen.
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
Emo Philips.
"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home."
Ken Hammond.
"Like most men, I am consumed with desire whenever a lesbian gets within twenty feet."
Taki.
"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."
Steve Martin.
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
Joan Rivers.
"I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though."
Elton John.
"My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'."
Emo Philips.
"I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women."
Bernard Manning.
"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen.
"It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."
Marylyn Munroe.
"I'm not a breast man, I'm a breast person."
Jo.
"When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better."
Mae West.
"Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer."
Joan Rivers.
RD Laing.
"Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions."
Woody Allen.
"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex."
Edgar Wallace.
"It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother."
Charles Pierce.
"A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'."
Woody Allen.
"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love."
Woody Allen.
"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less."
Brendan Francis.
"There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid."
Denis Leary.
"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic."
Woody Allen.
"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."
Emo Philips.
"When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
Matt Groening.
"Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them."
Steve Martin.
"It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who."
Joan Rivers.
"If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield.
"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one."
Woody Allen.
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
Emo Philips.
"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home."
Ken Hammond.
"Like most men, I am consumed with desire whenever a lesbian gets within twenty feet."
Taki.
"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."
Steve Martin.
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
Joan Rivers.
"I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though."
Elton John.
"My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'."
Emo Philips.
"I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women."
Bernard Manning.
"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen.
"It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."
Marylyn Munroe.
"I'm not a breast man, I'm a breast person."
Jo.
"When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better."
Mae West.
"Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer."
Joan Rivers.
Essendon BFC
Senior Squad
"Me Fail English, Thats unpossible" - Ralph Wiggum
"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
John Mendosa.
"What's another word for thesaurus?"
Steven Wright.
"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two."
George Burns.
"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire PR officers."
Daniel J. Boorstin.
"Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me."
G.W. Hegel.
"To write a diary every day is like returning to one's own vomit."
Enoch Powell.
"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet."
Mark Twain.
"When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read."
Hilliare Belloc.
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
Hunter S. Thompson.
"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Terry Pratchett.
"Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything."
Ivana Trump.
"In Australia, not reading poetry is the national pastime."
Phyllis McGinley.
"It's not a good idea to put your wife into a novel; not your latest wife anyway."
Norman Mailer.
"I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind."
Patrick Dennis.
"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days."
Garrison Keilor.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
Socrates.
"The most important thing for poets to do is to write as little as possible."
TS Eliot.
"My reputation grows with every failure."
George Bernard Shaw.
"Beware of the man who denounces women writers; his penis in tiny and he cannot spell."
Erica Jong.
"The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense."
Tom Clancy.
"The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time."
Bob Monkhouse.
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Mark.
"Write something, even if it's just a suicide note."
Gore Vidal.
"What would I do if I had only six months left to live? I'd type faster."
Isaac Assimov.
"The only imaginative fiction being written today is income tax returns."
Herman Wouk.
"I adore adverbs; they are the only qualifications I really much respect."
Henry James.
"Victor Hugo was a madman who thought he was Vistor Hugo."
Jean Cocteau.
"Once you've put one of his books down, you simply can't pick it up again."
Mark Twain (talking about Henry James).
"What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke?"
Gore Vidal.
"Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts."
Jeffrey Robinson.
"An incinerator is a writer's best friend."
Thornton Wilder.
"Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales"
Stephen Hawking (A Brief History of Time).
"The covers of this book are too far apart."
Ambrose Bierce.
"The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid and stable business."
John Steinbeck.
"I have been commissioned to write an autobiography and I would be grateful to any of your readers who could tell me what I was doing between 1960 and 1974."
Jeffrey Bernard.
"Dr Donne's verses are like the peace of God; they pass all understanding."
James I.
"They told me that Gladstone read Homer for fun, which I thought served him right."
Winston Churchill.
"The Compleat Angler is acknowledged to be one of the world's books. Only the trouble is that the world doesn't read its books, it borrows a detective story instead."
Stephen Leacock.
"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."
Dorothy Parker.
"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."
Robert Benchley.
"An author who speaks about their own books is almost as bad as a mother who speaks about her own children."
Benjamin Disraeli.
"Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal."
TS Eliot.
"If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research."
Wilson Mizner.
"I am the kind of writer that people think other people are reading."
VS Naipaul.
"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
Groucho Marx.
"A publisher who writes is like a cow in a milk bar."
Arthur Koestler.
"Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction."
Adlai Stevenson.
"All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling."
Oscar Wilde.
"Nothing induces me to read a novel except when I have to make money by writing about it. I detest them."
Virginia Woolf.
"I never read the life of any important person without discovering that he knew more and could do more than I could ever hope to know or do in half a dozen lifetimes."
JB Priestley.
John Mendosa.
"What's another word for thesaurus?"
Steven Wright.
"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two."
George Burns.
"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire PR officers."
Daniel J. Boorstin.
"Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me."
G.W. Hegel.
"To write a diary every day is like returning to one's own vomit."
Enoch Powell.
"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet."
Mark Twain.
"When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read."
Hilliare Belloc.
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
Hunter S. Thompson.
"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Terry Pratchett.
"Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything."
Ivana Trump.
"In Australia, not reading poetry is the national pastime."
Phyllis McGinley.
"It's not a good idea to put your wife into a novel; not your latest wife anyway."
Norman Mailer.
"I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind."
Patrick Dennis.
"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days."
Garrison Keilor.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
Socrates.
"The most important thing for poets to do is to write as little as possible."
TS Eliot.
"My reputation grows with every failure."
George Bernard Shaw.
"Beware of the man who denounces women writers; his penis in tiny and he cannot spell."
Erica Jong.
"The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense."
Tom Clancy.
"The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time."
Bob Monkhouse.
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Mark.
"Write something, even if it's just a suicide note."
Gore Vidal.
"What would I do if I had only six months left to live? I'd type faster."
Isaac Assimov.
"The only imaginative fiction being written today is income tax returns."
Herman Wouk.
"I adore adverbs; they are the only qualifications I really much respect."
Henry James.
"Victor Hugo was a madman who thought he was Vistor Hugo."
Jean Cocteau.
"Once you've put one of his books down, you simply can't pick it up again."
Mark Twain (talking about Henry James).
"What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke?"
Gore Vidal.
"Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts."
Jeffrey Robinson.
"An incinerator is a writer's best friend."
Thornton Wilder.
"Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales"
Stephen Hawking (A Brief History of Time).
"The covers of this book are too far apart."
Ambrose Bierce.
"The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid and stable business."
John Steinbeck.
"I have been commissioned to write an autobiography and I would be grateful to any of your readers who could tell me what I was doing between 1960 and 1974."
Jeffrey Bernard.
"Dr Donne's verses are like the peace of God; they pass all understanding."
James I.
"They told me that Gladstone read Homer for fun, which I thought served him right."
Winston Churchill.
"The Compleat Angler is acknowledged to be one of the world's books. Only the trouble is that the world doesn't read its books, it borrows a detective story instead."
Stephen Leacock.
"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."
Dorothy Parker.
"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."
Robert Benchley.
"An author who speaks about their own books is almost as bad as a mother who speaks about her own children."
Benjamin Disraeli.
"Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal."
TS Eliot.
"If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research."
Wilson Mizner.
"I am the kind of writer that people think other people are reading."
VS Naipaul.
"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
Groucho Marx.
"A publisher who writes is like a cow in a milk bar."
Arthur Koestler.
"Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction."
Adlai Stevenson.
"All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling."
Oscar Wilde.
"Nothing induces me to read a novel except when I have to make money by writing about it. I detest them."
Virginia Woolf.
"I never read the life of any important person without discovering that he knew more and could do more than I could ever hope to know or do in half a dozen lifetimes."
JB Priestley.
All good so far, but I still think that the great drunken former British PM, Winston Churchill had some of the best ever...(along with Homer of course)...
QUOTE 1
Lady at Press Conference: Winston you're drunk!
Winston: Yes maddame, and you are ugly, but when I wake up Ill be sober...
QUOTE 2
Lady: Winston, your penis is poking out!
Winston: Dont flatter yourself dear, its merely hanging out...
QUOTE 1
Lady at Press Conference: Winston you're drunk!
Winston: Yes maddame, and you are ugly, but when I wake up Ill be sober...
QUOTE 2
Lady: Winston, your penis is poking out!
Winston: Dont flatter yourself dear, its merely hanging out...
i go for that one anyday
