• This is a reminder of 3 IMPORTANT RULES:

    1- External self-promotion websites or apps are NOT allowed here, like Discord/Twitter/Patreon/etc.

    2- Do NOT post in other languages. English-only.

    3- Crack/Warez/Piracy talk is NOT allowed.

    Breaking any of the above rules will result in your messages being deleted and you will be banned upon repetition.

    Please, stop by this thread SoccerGaming Forum Rules And Guidelines and make sure you read and understand our policies.

    Thank you!

Joe Lemon's Simpsons Christmas Special Episode: 1000A

J

Joe

Starting XI
Well, I just started. I need to know what you think. Should I waste my time and keep writing it? Heh.


=======================================================================
Title sequence
=======================================================================

Blackboard: I WILL NOT EAT / REINDEER TESTICLES

I WILL NOT EAT at cutoff

Couch: The family runs into the living room. They reel in shock when they see the Flanders family sitting in their seats, including the ghost of Maud hovering over the couch. Cue horror music.


=======================================================================
Scenes and Scripts
=======================================================================


Camera depicts Springfield Shopping Mall. A long line has formed outside of the department store. The crowd seems anxious and tired. The time is about 5 am. Signs on the store tell of large savings and sales.

Store Manager: People, people! We will begin the savings extravaganza very soon! Please, please, remain calm—the store will open soon!

Moe: Waiting? Waiting! I can’t wait no more I says! Open the store.

Man in Crowd: Yea, open!

The mob—crowd begins to press towards the store manager and a few other teenager employees acting as bouncers.

Crowd: Savings, savings, savings!

Crowd moves closer to doors on each yell. Store Manager begins to panic.

Store Manager: Back off I say (pushed back to door)! Ah!

Manager and employees flee to inside the store. Mob breaks glass windows and doors, make their way inside the store. Pushing and shoving looking for anything marked on sale.

Nerd: Womanizer 3000! Neaa—great day! (Pushed aside)

Comic Book Guy: (Grabs Womanizer 3000 from Nerd) At last, she’s mine! Move over Spiderman, there is a new man in town!

A dressed down Peter Parker (Spiderman), after hearing the news, drops his items (cobweb sprayer and book “Becoming Spiderman in 5 Easy Steps”), lowers his head, and walks away. Chaos continues while other people vie and fight for other products. Lenny and Carl are seen punching each other.

Willy: (To store employee) Excuse me lad, where do ye keep your bagpipe plugs?

Employee: That would be in the Scottish department sir, near the Northern Ireland and Iceland section.

Camera shows racks of bagpipes, various colors of kilts, and Scottish flags. Moe is seen grabbing a kilt from the Bargain Bin.

Willy: Cheers ye lousy sack of terrier feces! (Walks away)

Employee: OK.

Camera shows the checkout line a few minutes later. The store windows, shelves, are completely destroyed. Instead of chaos, everyone is in line, patiently waiting. Camera outside store shows destroyed windows and townspeople walking outside of the store. Lenny and Carl walk out of the store, bruised and beaten, carrying purchased items

Lenny: (To Carl) Excuse me my good man.

Carl: Indeed. You are excused.

Lenny: Thank you kind sir!

Camera goes to “Big Boys Donuts.” Homer and Bart have staked out overnight in front of the store.

Homer: (Looking across parking lot to mall) Suckers. Crawling, Scratching, and digging for anything they can get. Not us, we’re the smart ones, boy. It feels good to be on the top.

Donut employee walks by and uses key to open door. Door shuts.

Homer: (Sniffing air) DONUT! (Dives towards door as it shuts. Crawling, scratching and digging his hands into the bottom crack in the door.

Bart: My how the mighty have fallen.
 
J

Joe

Starting XI
OK. Synopsis:

The beginning really has nothing to do with anything. Except that after Homer is injected with donuts, he becomes addicted with anything that contains excess amounts of fat. Soon he becomes overweight and becomes Santa Clause. After fighting off his addiction he decides he will give back to the community by becoming the real Santa Clause. However, after a few unfortunate mishaps on Christmas Eve, and after working the whole city of Springfield as Santa Clause he realizes that he has worked off all his weight. He can no longer be old Saint Nick.

OK, it's as crazy as most of the Simpsons story lines. :crazyboy:

More script to first commercial. I'm thinking this first part has taken about 3-4 minutes. Heh. :(

====================================
Homer continues to claw at the door and make sounds of frustration. View from inside the donut store.

Teenage Employee: (Staring at Homer on other side of door) Uhh, sir—we’ve got a code 62.

Manager: Oh, Sweet Jelly FILLING! A code 62! It’s raining donuts—I’m ruined!

Teenage Employee: Sir, a code 62—obese patron in need of assistance.

Manager: Oh, oh—right…right. (Nervously chuckles) I’ll get on that.

Teenage Employee: You could just open the store, you know sir.

Manager: I could, couldn’t I. You’d like that wouldn’t you?

Close up of manager’s face.

Scene goes back out a few minutes later with Homer lying nearly motionless. A white van with “Donut Patrol” written on the sides pulls up.

DP Man 1: Hold on. Hook him up.

The men attach an IV to his arm. Homer is relieved and slowly begins to recover.

Homer: (Drooling) Deep-fried fat in bloodstream. Ughghgh.

Onlooker: It’s a good thing we recently got this Donut Patrol! You never know when it might come in handy.

Bart: I feel much safer knowing the Donut Patrol is roaming our streets!

Random Man: Ah yes. Don’t we all--yes, don’t we all?

=======================================================================
COMMERCIAL
=======================================================================
 
J

Joe

Starting XI
Scene is now in Dr. Hibbert’s office. Hibbert looks concerned. The whole Simpson family is gathered around their father.

Hibbard: Well, Homer. It appears that the IV they gave to you after your donut-induced panic attack has caused you to become addicted to all foods with at least 200 percent saturated fat. (chuckles)

Marge: What does it mean doctor?

Hibbard: My diagnosis: unless he can beat the addiction, he will become obese. (stares at Homer)—more obese. (chuckles)

Homer: Hey! Don’t mock me—I take pride in my body.

Marge: Oh my poor Homey. What else can we do Doctor Hibbard?

Hibbard: We could give him vegetables, a well-balanced diet, and a few good recipes. (chuckles)

Homer: Ah!

Hibbard: Or you could spend hundreds of dollars for medication that may not work.

Homer: (pulling out wallet) Uh yes. I would like to purchase one box of the dysfunctional pills please.

Hibbard: Well, Homer, you’re going to have to—

Homer: Good day to you Doctor.

Walks out of door. Next scene is in the living room. Homer has a pile of assorted food around him: Duff beer, donuts, pork rinds, turkey, pig roast, and candy bars, as well as trash and empty wrappers. He is sitting on the couch and has already gained a noticeable amount of weight. Homer is munching on food as we hear on the television:

Television announcer: Tonight on One Hour. Monty Burns: Grumpy Old Man or Passionate Lover, an in-depth interview with Springfield’s Mrs. Skinner.

Homer: Awwwwww (reaches for remote on opposite end of couch). Lousy remote. Why did you have to move so far? (grunts) C’mon. (rips shirt) Almost…got it…

Santa’s Little Helper runs to couch and grabs remote to the ground and begins to lick the remote control on the ground.

Homer: Doh!(throws a piece of meat from plate to other side of the room) Hehe. Stupid dog.

Camera shows dog walk over to the left side of camera. Homer sits silently and watches the dog eat the turkey. The dog walks back over, picks up the remote and walks out of the room.

Homer: D’oh!

Television announcer: But first, obesity in Springfield! Who’s the victim? The consumer or company?

Marge: Oh Homer, you need to stop eating. We need to put the Christmas tree soon and you’re not even going to be able to help!

Homer: Christmas, in the middle of summer? Who are we—the AUSSIES?

Marge: It’s the middle of winter Homer.

Homer looks outside. Snow is falling. Maggie, Bart, and Lisa are outside building a snowman. A car slides and crashes into their trashcan.

Homer: And……

Marge: And you need to stop eating like this! Get up and do something Homer! Wake up and….

Homer: And…

Marge: And Christmas is coming in two weeks and we haven’t done anything yet! Every year is a special year, except for the time Bart ruined Christmas for all of us by burning down the Christmas tree and telling the whole town that we were robbed.

Homer: (Pause, holding in anger) Call the boy in maw, and get the whippin’ belt. (pause) And some more beer. (pause) And some of those colorful things, you know—those, things. Ooo, they make me so happy.

Marge: As your wife I ask you to get up, get showered, and help out around here. You haven’t showered for one week and you smell like a fast food employee.

Homer: Be nice to the young workers, Marge. Sure, their hair may smell like fries, and their face may be as greasy as hamburgers, but they are people too Marge—people.

Marge: You haven’t been to work in over a month.

Homer: I’ve got that covered

Scene goes to Homer’s office. A scarecrow is sitting in his chair with “Homer” written on his hat. Burns walks by his office door.

Burns: Excellent work Simpson! You are looking great, have you lost weight? (the scarecrow slumps on the chair) (Burns laughs gleefully) Modesty! Keep up the good work, Simpson! Tata!
 
J

JTNY

Starting XI
Sounds good. That is a lot work in there. Or what seems to be a considerable amount.


Good stuff. (SmileX) (GrinX) (H)
 
D

Deutschland

Starting XI
Yeah you really could send this in. I could be watching TV one evening when this episode comes on. "I know the man that wrote this," i'll say :)
 
J

Joe

Starting XI
Meh, I'm just doing it for fun when I'm bored and have nothing better to do. It's challenging, but fun. ;)
 
J

Joe

Starting XI
Back to living room conversation.

Marge: You won’t be able to do that forever.

Homer: Relax Marge. Work is for fools.

Marge: Well, how do you expect to pay the bills?

Homer: I don’t know. For the past 14 years we’ve never had to worry about money. Why start not? The bill fairy will take care of it all.

Homer munches pork rinds and takes a sip of Duff beer.

Marge: Oh right Homer. (sarcastic) A magical fairy flies in here every month and takes care of all of our bills and money!

Marge exits. Camera changes to view of table as Marge walks into kitchen. On the table is a neatly folded envelope, neatly stacked receipts, a checkbook, and on top of that a decoratively packaged mint.

Marge: (surprised) (gasp)


Scene cuts to North Pole. Cutscene to elves in their “workshop,” which resembles more of a sweatshop with guards holding whips ordering the elves to work faster. Cutscene to North Pole capital. Various characters are assembled similar to a UN meeting. Some of the figures have names on their desks: Easter Bunny (a rabbit on the top of the desk), Tooth Fairy (a princess looking character), Weihnachtmann (a fat figure dressed in leiderhosen and assorted German dress), Bill Fairy (an accountant with a crown and magic wand in a business suit), and Chief of Elves, and various other characters. They are seated in a large hall with large banners and flags of Santa Clause. All are standing and discussing to each other.

Chief of Elves: ORDER ORDER! (pause)(yells) Hail Clause! (characters bow, take seats) As you all know, I have summoned you here for this emergency meeting due to Saint Nick’s injury in the (clears throat) incident between Blitzen and Rudolph. In punishment for their actions against our Supreme Ruler, Rudolph has been fined 10,000 dollars and Blixon 5,000 dollars. Now, let’s get down to business. We have scoured the globe for Santa replacements and will now present you with the top three candidates.

Weihnachtmann: (German accent) I shall be Santa Klause, JA?

Chief of Elves: I’m thinking along the lines of No.

Weihnachtmann: VAS? I want to be Santa Klause, and I shall be! HA HA HO – MERRY--CHRISTMAS, JA? (stands)

Chief of Elves: SEIZE HIM!

Three elves appear from the darkness and carry him off.

Weihnacthmann: Neeeeeeeeinnnnnnnn! (voice fades down corridor)

Chief of Elves: Shall we continue?


A giant screen rolls down, with a picture of an older man resembling a different Santa Clause.

Chief of Elves: Our first candidate: Frederick Lemont. Age 57. Weight: 365 pounds. Occupation: Shopping Mall Santa. Location: New York, New York. Favorite food: Cinnabon. He seems to be our best option, but you will be allowed to decide very soon.

Screen changes. This time depicting a much more rough and dirty white-haired man.

Chief of Elves: This is Dakemba Motumtbijiula. Age 45. Weight: 404 pounds. Occupation: Village beggar. Favorite food: children. (council gasps) Location: Mountains of New Zealand. He also seemed like a great candidate, until he ate our reporting agent.

Screen changes. Depicting Homer Simpson.

Chief of Elves: Finally, we have Homer J. Simpson. Age thirty-four—agents it took to investigate his age, and we still don’t know. Weight: 295. Occupation: Nuclear Power plant at nuclear power plant. Location: Springfield, I—OH, look! It’s Chanukah Henry—nice of you to join us (looking embarassed character finds his marked seat)!

Now, I will leave you to vote for the replacement candidate.

Camera shows characters writing down their votes.

Announcer: Statistically, Dakemba is the weakest link. While Frederick Lemont is the strongest link. Who will be forced to go through the walk of shame? Tune in next time. Cue Weakest Link commercial music.
=======================================================================
Commercial
=======================================================================
 
I

IceBlu

Guest
SEND IT BIATCH !!! its worth a shot !

i'll find out where u can send stuff like this...
 
J

JTNY

Starting XI
Originally posted by Joe
Location: Springfield, I—OH, look! It’s Chanukah Henry—nice of you to join us (looking embarassed character finds his marked seat)!
Click to expand...


Ah, a dedicated Simpson's fan. Knows about the gag of never revealing the state they're from.

eg. when Marge is talking about the Vincent Price Egg Magic to get a recall..... when it comes to state O - hi yo Maude, (Maude Flanders walks in).

:p :crazyboy: :D :rolleyes:
 
J

Joe

Starting XI
Stumbled upon this. It seems so stupid to me now. Maybe I should brush it off and pick it up sometime.
 
K

KLINSMANN

Reserve Team
Send it it dude!! You have to! YOU HAVE TO!!!! If you don't..... oh I don't know, but make sure to send this in. I can picture the episode as I'm reading. It would be so sweet if I could turn on the TV once and see this episode.

Keep up the good work! :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.


Top