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My Summer - Theo Walcott

Stotty

Fan Favourite
What I did in the Summer -Theo Walcott

I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some other grown
up's. It is a country in Europe where a bad man called Adolf used to
live with his nazties, he does not live there anymore, Uncle Owen does
live there, and the grown up's say I cant talk about the bad man as it
will make Uncle Owen cry if I do. In Germany there are lots of castles
and some mountains. We are staying in a place called Baden Baden that's
a silly name, Uncle Frank has the same name as his dad, that's silly
too, his mum must get their underpants mixed up all the time.

On the aeroplane Uncle Sol sat next to me, he got me some toffee and
wants to be my friend, he works at the place where I do my YTS, so does
Uncle Freddy but him and Uncle Sol are not best friends anymore.

Uncle Owen met us at the airport, he talks foreign, Uncle Wayne, Uncle
Steven and Uncle David also talk funny, my mum says Uncle David talks
like Orville, he is a duck, Uncle Sol say's uncle David wears dresses
and knickers, and asked me if I had ever worn them. Uncle Sol got me
some pop.

In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my grandad says we
beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a long time
ago.

While the grown up's went to play football so I went shopping with
Auntie Vicky and some other girls she bought me a big ice cream and got
herself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten any
and threw it away. She bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me play
with Brooklyn. She say's she used to be in a pop band and sang me one of
her songs, I think she was telling fibs.

I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and he sulked, then he
bought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred's and thousands
on it.

All the other grown up's have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so he plays
with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle Sol happy,
that's why I got taken on holiday.

The grown up's went to play Football against somebody called Sweden,
Uncle Sol was crying as Uncle Freddy played for them and would not talk
to him. Uncle Sol bought me lots of toffee today and some crisps. Uncle
Sven is from Sweden and I heard him on the phone to their boss last
night. Uncle Michael hurt his knee and had to go home to his mum for a
plaster. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in books,
he is rubbish at football though.

Uncle Wayne had a sore toe at the start of out holiday but it got better
so they let him play football. Uncle Sol got me a present but I do not
like it. He says all Germans wear leather underpants and I should while
we are here, they are too tight for me.

All the grown up's started to call Uncle Wayne a potato head who stood
on somebodys spuds. He got shouted at by the referee. They are all
saying that we have to go home now. Uncle Sol was crying again and I had
to sit on his knee to make him stop. He had his mobile phone in his
pocket, I think. And it weren't one of those new small phones, it was
proper big.
 

JJSFC

Youth Team
Haha! Legend story, and poor Theo... Sven is an asshole for crushing his dreams - why take him and not play him?! thats torture!
 

AlienSeafood

Senior Squad
hahahahaha!!

While the grown up's went to play football so I went shopping with
Auntie Vicky and some other girls she bought me a big ice cream and got
herself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten any
and threw it away. She bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me play
with Brooklyn. She say's she used to be in a pop band and sang me one of
her songs, I think she was telling fibs.

that has to be my fav part!!
 

NottsSupporter

Sgt. Pseudo Dane
came across this joke and I wasn't sure where to post it, so I'll just post it here :D

Out on the Royal Yacht the queen was enjoying the sea air when she spied a man in the water off the port bow - clearly being menaced by a very large shark. Through her binoculars she could see it was Christian Ronaldo, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark

She ordered the captain to change course to try and save the poor man, but she knew the yachts top speed would never get them there in time.

At that exact moment a speedboat containing three men wearing white tops sped into view. One of the men took aim at the shark and fired a harpoon into its ribs, immobilising it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled Ronaldo from the water and, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.

They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Ronaldo into the speedboat along with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic calling ....... It was the Queen calling them to the yacht.

On reaching yacht the Queen went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I'll give you a knighthood for your brave actions. I thought the England team would hate Ronaldo after the world cup. But I see that the England team are true heroes and should serve as a model for sportsmanship to other countries." She knighted them and sailed away.

As she departed Rooney asked the others, "Who was that?!" "That," Beckham answered, "was our Queen. She rules the Commonwealth and knows everything about our country."

"Well," Rooney replied, "she knows f**k all about shark fishing. How's the bait holding up ?"
 


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