The Lame Joke Thread

[hot_player7]

A 75-year-old man went to the doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The Doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."
The next day, the 75-year-old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as the previous day.
The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, Doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then with her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get that jar opened!"

 

[Rocky]

Good stuff, keep 'em coming.

 

[night]

Wasn't funny 20 years ago. Still isn't..

 

[Dipanjan]

Lame.

 

[Filipower]

Wasn't funny 20 years ago.

When you were 7 years from being born?

 

[Ubik Valis]

When you were 7 years from being born?

Most be some Philip K. Dick inspired, alternate universe thing.

 

[night]

That's correct, Drag0n.

 

[Keegan]

...so a Bear and a Rabbit were taking a **** in the woods. The Bear turned to the Rabbit and said "Excuse me, but do you have a problem with **** sticking to your fur?" The Rabbit replied, "Why, no - I don't have a problem with **** sticking to my fur." So the Bear wiped his ass with the Rabbit.

 

[Johnny_Big]

...so a Bear and a Rabbit were taking a **** in the woods. The Bear turned to the Rabbit and said "Excuse me, but do you have a problem with **** sticking to your fur?" The Rabbit replied, "Why, no - I don't have a problem with **** sticking to my fur." So the Bear wiped his ass with the Rabbit.

Classic

Why do blondies put red lipstick in the lips?
Stop - wrong hole.

 

[hot_player7]

A Tough Golf Shot

Bill was playing golf one afternoon with his wife, Emma, and hit a nasty slice off the second tee – landing in an impossible lie in front of the greenkeeper’s shed. Being helpful, his wife suggested “No need to take a penalty shot darling, just open both the front and back doors and push the tractor out. Then, you’ll can hit hit it straight through the shed with a 3 iron.”

Golfer“Brilliant idea darling!” and with that, Bill took a mighty whack at the ball, which struck the rear of the building – bouncing off and hitting his wife in the head, killing her stone dead.

A few years later, Bill was plahing the same hole with his new wife… and by sheer coincidence landed at the exact same place in front of the shed.

“No need to take a penalty shot,” said his new wife, “we can push the tractor out and open both sets of doors. You can hit straight through the shed!”

“No way,” he said. “Last time I tried that I ended up with a triple bogey!”

 

[night]

Dude. Seriously.

 

[Dipanjan]

Err, Jokingly.

 

[newbie original]

Wasn't funny 20 years ago. Still isn't..

hence the title "lame" joke thread...

 

[Jaboldinho]

Was changed by a mod...

 

[leungtl]

*puts hand up*

 

[ShiftyPowers]

There are mods here?

 

[Mandieta6]

Can anyone think of a (good) rape joke? Don't think I've ever heard one.

Sir_Didier_Drogba probably has millions of them.

 

[MaSsiVe]

The other day I was walking down the street in a massive fur coat drinking a gin tonic (would have been better if it was a martini but for accuracy reasons I have to confess it was a gin tonic) interviewing scottish people about why they hate the english when some woman came up to me and screamed at me that fur was murder and that I was a monster etc etc but I replied "go away or I'll rape you" and she went away.

go figure

 

[Jaboldinho]

Can anyone think of a (good) rape joke? Don't think I've ever heard one.

Sir_Didier_Drogba probably has millions of them.

I think I saw one somewhere in the forum with Santa in it. Was it Fili?...

 

[Arnau]

A french, an argentinian and 2 catalans, got it??


madrid's defense neither