MaestroZidane
YELLOW CARD: Untrustworthy
I heard a fan tried to attack lampard, but eventually drogba and terry got involved.
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CHELSEA FC Thread [2006 - 07]
- Thread starter Rob
- Start date
- Status
Just a bit of fun this is. Don't ever post anything like it in a Liverpool thread though because they won't get it. Anyways:
Chelsea's Business Tactics
These are examples of how a typical transfer occurs within Chelsea:
[edit]
Typical Transfer no. 1
Mourinho: Hmm...that player that I saw the other day, lets buy him.
Russian Mafia Spy: That was a documentary on Franz Beckenbauer, the West German football legend.
Mourinho: Yeah, yeah spare me the details, offer him some cash so he will play for us.
Russian Mafia Spy: He retired from football like 30 years ago...I doubt he will be for sale
Mourinho: In that case, lets buy another German that begins with a B.
Russian Mafia Spy: Hmm...Ballack?
Mourinho: Sure, whatever, what have we got to lose anyway? Money? HAHAHAHA
Russian Mafia Spy: HAHAHAHAHA good one
[edit]
Typical Transfer no. 1
Mourinho: I received some shocking news yesterday. Apparently we are not at the top of the tables in the Premiership? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!
Russian Mafia Spy: Its been like this the whole season, Manchester Utd. were on top since the beginning
Mourinho: WHAT!? Why was I not aware of this?
Russian Mafia Spy: Erm...I can think of several reasons, but thats not the point, we need to solve this problem
Mourinho: Hmmm this should be simple, lemme just check my FIFA 07 on my PC and see which players are the most valueable...lets see...Rooney? Nah too ugly. Messi? Nah silly name. Hey check this guy out, Salomon Kalou is rated quite high! Lets buy this player!
Russian Mafia Spy: ...Hes on our team already...
Shevchenko: Ahaacijia
aiwuepr Kaka giiaw jiowe jsguw wahuihwe (Lets buy Kaka, I played with him in AC Milan and I think he is a great player)
Russian Mafia Advisor: Or, how about we get someone who is 10 years older. Either that or we buy a Cole.
Mourinho: I like your thinking Ima Sonofabitch! Hmmm what about this Cantona fellow?
Everyone: *silence*
Chelsea Squad
1. Petr Cech: Annoyingly tall, annoyingly talented goalkeeper who makes up one half of the 'good' Chelsea team.
3. Cashley Cole: One of the brightest players in football. Appreciates that he is lucky to be in a position to earn more than £55,000 a week.
4. Claude Makelelelelele: Horrifically tiny Defensive midfielder, and yet is still stronger than 99% of the opposition. That is, the combined entire opposition.
5. Michael Essien: Came to England with a grudge against knees. Nearly killed Didi Hamann and Talal Ben Haim before realising the error of his ways. Now actually half-decent.
6. Ricardo Carvalho: Apparently Portugese, despite his scruffy French appearance. Tends to enjoy trying to rip oppositions' shirts off.
7. Andriy Shevchenko: Ukrainian striker who took only 45 months to get going. Now has a strike rate of 1 goal every 8 matches.
8. Frank Lampard: Master of the pinball shot. Yet to score without the ball hitting every player on the pitch and wrong-footing the keeper.
9. Khalid Boulahrouz: Former rapist and drug addict (being dutch and all) Boulahrouz has lots of pent up aggression, which is evident in his wild "tackling" (more like aggravated assault.
10. Joe Cole: Good when he wants to be. Crap and mysteriously injured when he doesn't
11. Didier Drogba: Powerful Ivorian who adapted to English football at a similar rate to Shevchenko. Drogba sold his soul to Santa (thats right, Santa) to get a pair of magical boots that miraculously makes all his shots this season lethal.
12. John Obi Mikel: Really a Manchester United player, but he's crap so they let Chelsea have him.
13. Michael Ballack: German Midfielder. Once ranked up there with Gerrard and Deco, now more in common with Jagielka or Mokeona
14. Geremi: Now used only when every other member of the team is dying, which is pretty much once every other week.
16. Arjen Robben: Former olympic diving champion. Rumour has it he was disqualified for lying about his age (23? Yeah right).
18. Wayne Bridge: Back-up for Cashley Cole. In danger of wasting talent.
20. Paulo Ferreira: The forgotton defender. Once called the best defender in the world by Mourinho, which was a really good joke at parties.
23. Carlo Cudicini: Second choice keeper. Once considered for England squad, before the FA realised it was a stupid idea, English citizenship or not.
24. Shaun Wright-Phillips: Has tragically disappeared from everything. Once England's replacement for David Beckham, now England's replacement for Aaron Lennon.
26. John Terry: The other half of the 'good' Chelsea team. With him, Chelsea let in one goal every 54 games. Without him, that figure is somewhere near 4 goals every 0.5 games.
Chelsea's Business Tactics
These are examples of how a typical transfer occurs within Chelsea:
[edit]
Typical Transfer no. 1
Mourinho: Hmm...that player that I saw the other day, lets buy him.
Russian Mafia Spy: That was a documentary on Franz Beckenbauer, the West German football legend.
Mourinho: Yeah, yeah spare me the details, offer him some cash so he will play for us.
Russian Mafia Spy: He retired from football like 30 years ago...I doubt he will be for sale
Mourinho: In that case, lets buy another German that begins with a B.
Russian Mafia Spy: Hmm...Ballack?
Mourinho: Sure, whatever, what have we got to lose anyway? Money? HAHAHAHA
Russian Mafia Spy: HAHAHAHAHA good one
[edit]
Typical Transfer no. 1
Mourinho: I received some shocking news yesterday. Apparently we are not at the top of the tables in the Premiership? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!
Russian Mafia Spy: Its been like this the whole season, Manchester Utd. were on top since the beginning
Mourinho: WHAT!? Why was I not aware of this?
Russian Mafia Spy: Erm...I can think of several reasons, but thats not the point, we need to solve this problem
Mourinho: Hmmm this should be simple, lemme just check my FIFA 07 on my PC and see which players are the most valueable...lets see...Rooney? Nah too ugly. Messi? Nah silly name. Hey check this guy out, Salomon Kalou is rated quite high! Lets buy this player!
Russian Mafia Spy: ...Hes on our team already...
Shevchenko: Ahaacijia
aiwuepr Kaka giiaw jiowe jsguw wahuihwe (Lets buy Kaka, I played with him in AC Milan and I think he is a great player) Russian Mafia Advisor: Or, how about we get someone who is 10 years older. Either that or we buy a Cole.
Mourinho: I like your thinking Ima Sonofabitch! Hmmm what about this Cantona fellow?
Everyone: *silence*
Chelsea Squad
1. Petr Cech: Annoyingly tall, annoyingly talented goalkeeper who makes up one half of the 'good' Chelsea team.
3. Cashley Cole: One of the brightest players in football. Appreciates that he is lucky to be in a position to earn more than £55,000 a week.
4. Claude Makelelelelele: Horrifically tiny Defensive midfielder, and yet is still stronger than 99% of the opposition. That is, the combined entire opposition.
5. Michael Essien: Came to England with a grudge against knees. Nearly killed Didi Hamann and Talal Ben Haim before realising the error of his ways. Now actually half-decent.
6. Ricardo Carvalho: Apparently Portugese, despite his scruffy French appearance. Tends to enjoy trying to rip oppositions' shirts off.
7. Andriy Shevchenko: Ukrainian striker who took only 45 months to get going. Now has a strike rate of 1 goal every 8 matches.
8. Frank Lampard: Master of the pinball shot. Yet to score without the ball hitting every player on the pitch and wrong-footing the keeper.
9. Khalid Boulahrouz: Former rapist and drug addict (being dutch and all) Boulahrouz has lots of pent up aggression, which is evident in his wild "tackling" (more like aggravated assault.
10. Joe Cole: Good when he wants to be. Crap and mysteriously injured when he doesn't
11. Didier Drogba: Powerful Ivorian who adapted to English football at a similar rate to Shevchenko. Drogba sold his soul to Santa (thats right, Santa) to get a pair of magical boots that miraculously makes all his shots this season lethal.
12. John Obi Mikel: Really a Manchester United player, but he's crap so they let Chelsea have him.
13. Michael Ballack: German Midfielder. Once ranked up there with Gerrard and Deco, now more in common with Jagielka or Mokeona
14. Geremi: Now used only when every other member of the team is dying, which is pretty much once every other week.
16. Arjen Robben: Former olympic diving champion. Rumour has it he was disqualified for lying about his age (23? Yeah right).
18. Wayne Bridge: Back-up for Cashley Cole. In danger of wasting talent.
20. Paulo Ferreira: The forgotton defender. Once called the best defender in the world by Mourinho, which was a really good joke at parties.
23. Carlo Cudicini: Second choice keeper. Once considered for England squad, before the FA realised it was a stupid idea, English citizenship or not.
24. Shaun Wright-Phillips: Has tragically disappeared from everything. Once England's replacement for David Beckham, now England's replacement for Aaron Lennon.
26. John Terry: The other half of the 'good' Chelsea team. With him, Chelsea let in one goal every 54 games. Without him, that figure is somewhere near 4 goals every 0.5 games.
BayernFan01
Reserve Team
LOOOL those were funny man 
Chelsea played really well under pressure today, Shevchenko's goal was sweet as hell. Wright-Phillips' goal wasn't bad either, good assist by Drogba. Ballack, Lampard,Mikel, Diarra and Terry all had a decent game tonight. The penalty was a fair call, but if Carvalho had touched the ball then i don't think he would of called it. Chimbonda was going crazy at the end of the match LOL.
This might be old news but,
German goalkeeper Niclas Heimann has confirmed reports that he will be moving to Chelsea in the summer.
The 15-year-old, regarded as the brightest German prospect of his age-group, is currently with Bundesliga side Bayer Leverkusen.
He had been linked with the likes of Barcelona earlier in the season but has now agreed a switch to Stamford Bridge after impressing on a recent trial.
Heimann has put pen-to-paper on a three-year contract with the Premiership champions, meaning he will be tied to the club until 2010.
"A dream has come true for me," he said.
Heimann will go straight into Chelsea's youth team when he arrives in London and his development will then be monitored by the senior setup.
Chelsea played really well under pressure today, Shevchenko's goal was sweet as hell. Wright-Phillips' goal wasn't bad either, good assist by Drogba. Ballack, Lampard,Mikel, Diarra and Terry all had a decent game tonight. The penalty was a fair call, but if Carvalho had touched the ball then i don't think he would of called it. Chimbonda was going crazy at the end of the match LOL.
This might be old news but,
German goalkeeper Niclas Heimann has confirmed reports that he will be moving to Chelsea in the summer.
The 15-year-old, regarded as the brightest German prospect of his age-group, is currently with Bundesliga side Bayer Leverkusen.
He had been linked with the likes of Barcelona earlier in the season but has now agreed a switch to Stamford Bridge after impressing on a recent trial.
Heimann has put pen-to-paper on a three-year contract with the Premiership champions, meaning he will be tied to the club until 2010.
"A dream has come true for me," he said.
Heimann will go straight into Chelsea's youth team when he arrives in London and his development will then be monitored by the senior setup.
Good game for us today, that’s one step closer to FA Cup glory great goal by sheva and what about that goal by SWP we seem to be playing well and we got Watford next in the EPL so the next few weeks are looking good I’m really looking forward to the Valencia game that should be entertaining.
MaestroZidane
YELLOW CARD: Untrustworthy
This is worrying
untouchable
Senior Squad
I think I'll support Chelsea next season.
MaestroZidane;2296983 said:
There must be plenty of clubs who wish they were in the same position though.
Nah, worrying is being a West Ham fan staring relegation in the face or, the amount of Spurs fans who thought Lampard being attacked on the pitch by some spotty juvenile yiddo was an act to be proud of.
Anyway.....Goals from the semi
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1hs6e_tottenham-hotspur-1-chelsea-2
Sheva......actions speak louder than words. Suffer all ye Sheva haters.:mexican:
ivanchin99
Youth Team
"The 15-year-old, regarded as the brightest German prospect of his age-group, is currently with Bundesliga side Bayer Leverkusen.
Oh man, another BS by the media.. Everytime a youngster signs for a big club, Blablalba is regarded as the brightest [Insert Nation] prospect of his age-group. sigh..
Oh man, another BS by the media.. Everytime a youngster signs for a big club, Blablalba is regarded as the brightest [Insert Nation] prospect of his age-group. sigh..
BayernFan01
Reserve Team
treble41;2300084 said:
Yea thats a good point. They are thinking about the future.
MaestroZidane
YELLOW CARD: Untrustworthy
To labeled it a criminal offense is a very harsh
CarlosDanger
Starting XI
The clause 17 rule from FIFA about transfers. If Robben wants to come, he can do so provided the buying squad pays the rest of his salary for the duration of his contract to his former club. It applies to any player under 28 who has been with his club for 3 years on the same contract. For players over 28, it's only two years.
A player with a contract longer than 3 years can ask for the cancellation of his contract as long as he is moving to a different country after those periods I mentioned above.
Mexes did it. Andy Webster did it. So don't think it isn't possible.
A player with a contract longer than 3 years can ask for the cancellation of his contract as long as he is moving to a different country after those periods I mentioned above.
Mexes did it. Andy Webster did it. So don't think it isn't possible.
And they say that agents are the bad ones : - )
Wingers aren't a problem, the board should really have a confident state of mind of f uck off and the knowledge that they can buy a good replacement if a player leaves; something which I don't feel that they are in. These rumours of players leaving will keep heightening when we don't perform well because the press doesn't necessarily like to make trouble, they just like to capitalize on a story oppurtunity and signalling that players are leaving which they're doing like crazy is a big part of that.
Wingers aren't a problem, the board should really have a confident state of mind of f uck off and the knowledge that they can buy a good replacement if a player leaves; something which I don't feel that they are in. These rumours of players leaving will keep heightening when we don't perform well because the press doesn't necessarily like to make trouble, they just like to capitalize on a story oppurtunity and signalling that players are leaving which they're doing like crazy is a big part of that.
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