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Footballing Jokes.
- Thread starter Rob
- Start date
i say its all good man. Hehe keep em coming man 
Here's 1
A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The honored judge said to him "So why don't you want to live with your dad?"
"Because he beats me" said the little boy.
"Why don't you want to live with your mum then?" asked the judge.
Because she beats me aswell.
"Oh" said the judge "Well who would you like to live with then?"
The little boy replied" I would like to live with Southampton FC, because they don't beat anyone!!"
Here's 1
A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The honored judge said to him "So why don't you want to live with your dad?"
"Because he beats me" said the little boy.
"Why don't you want to live with your mum then?" asked the judge.
Because she beats me aswell.
"Oh" said the judge "Well who would you like to live with then?"
The little boy replied" I would like to live with Southampton FC, because they don't beat anyone!!"
darkaznknight
Youth Team
hers a great joke.............
..Arsenal
..Arsenal
TheBlueBalla
Starting XI
Originally posted by ogsimon
- too much- why do u guys all hate arsenal and their fans so much??
I guess its just the ease of jokes. If you ask me, Chelsea gets, far and away, the most unmitigated hatred from all teams fans on here.
That Rhizome one about the priest, and the 800 10 10 10 ones were pure class
Torontolynx
Youth Team
Look at my sig.
kickin_kyle
Senior Squad
here come the Celtic jokes.....
Question: What do Rab Dougles and Michael Carlos*son have in common?
Answer: They both wear gloves for no obvious reason.
Question: What's the difference between a rooster and a Celtic supporter?
Answer: Rooster says 'cock a doodle do', and a Celtic supporter says 'any cock'll do'.
Q: If you see a Celtic fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him??
A: It could be your bike!!!
Q: What do Celtic fans use as a form of contraception?
A: Their personalities!
Q: What has a dead dog on the road have in front of it that a dead Celtic fan does not?
A: Skid marks!
A Rangers fan and a Celtic fan get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars (with football stickers on windows) are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the Celtic fan says, "So you're a Rangers fan, that's interesting. I'm a Celtic fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There totally wrecked, but fortunately we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends putting our differences behind us."
The Rangers fan replied," I agree with you completely, this must indeed be a sign from God!" The Rangers fan continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune."
Then he hands the bottle to the Celtic fan. The Celtic fan nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Rangers fan. The Rangers fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Celtic fan.
The Celtic fan asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The Rangers fan grins and then replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
Q: How do you get a Celtic fan to stand up?
A: Say "Will the defendant please rise.
Question: What do Rab Dougles and Michael Carlos*son have in common?
Answer: They both wear gloves for no obvious reason.
Question: What's the difference between a rooster and a Celtic supporter?
Answer: Rooster says 'cock a doodle do', and a Celtic supporter says 'any cock'll do'.
Q: If you see a Celtic fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him??
A: It could be your bike!!!
Q: What do Celtic fans use as a form of contraception?
A: Their personalities!
Q: What has a dead dog on the road have in front of it that a dead Celtic fan does not?
A: Skid marks!
A Rangers fan and a Celtic fan get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars (with football stickers on windows) are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the Celtic fan says, "So you're a Rangers fan, that's interesting. I'm a Celtic fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There totally wrecked, but fortunately we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends putting our differences behind us."
The Rangers fan replied," I agree with you completely, this must indeed be a sign from God!" The Rangers fan continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune."
Then he hands the bottle to the Celtic fan. The Celtic fan nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Rangers fan. The Rangers fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Celtic fan.
The Celtic fan asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The Rangers fan grins and then replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
Q: How do you get a Celtic fan to stand up?
A: Say "Will the defendant please rise.
Without a doubt.
And when people fight fire with fire (like myself and the Glazer sig a few weeks ago) they get all upset and pissed off, yet look we lose to Newcastle in the FA Cup and theres more Arsenal fans and Man Utd fans in there boasting that we lost, rather then Newcastle fans celebrating their team win.
meh.
Liverpool manager Gerard Houllier sends scouts out round the world looking
for a new striker to replace Emile Heskey, and hopefully win Liverpool the
title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks
will turn out to be a true superstar. So Gerard flies to Iraq to watch him,
and is suitably impressed, and arranges for him to come over to Anfield. Two
weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down at home to Man Utd with only 20 minutes
left. Houllier gives the young Iraqi striker the nod to go on, and takes off
Emile Heskey.
The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for
Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and
the media love the new star. When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum
to tell her about his first day in English football.
"Hi Mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0
down, but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the players
and the media, they all love me".
"Great," says his Mum, "let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot
in the street, your sister and I were attacked and beaten, and your brother
has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time".
The young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, I'm so sorry."
"Sorry?!" says his Mum ...
"Its your bloody fault that we moved to Liverpool in the first place!"
for a new striker to replace Emile Heskey, and hopefully win Liverpool the
title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks
will turn out to be a true superstar. So Gerard flies to Iraq to watch him,
and is suitably impressed, and arranges for him to come over to Anfield. Two
weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down at home to Man Utd with only 20 minutes
left. Houllier gives the young Iraqi striker the nod to go on, and takes off
Emile Heskey.
The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for
Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and
the media love the new star. When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum
to tell her about his first day in English football.
"Hi Mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0
down, but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the players
and the media, they all love me".
"Great," says his Mum, "let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot
in the street, your sister and I were attacked and beaten, and your brother
has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time".
The young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, I'm so sorry."
"Sorry?!" says his Mum ...
"Its your bloody fault that we moved to Liverpool in the first place!"
celtic_bhoy
Senior Squad
Almost every joke posted ive heard with diffent teams used so stop your bitching ffs.
and kyle the only one that is actually true of those is the Rab one
and kyle the only one that is actually true of those is the Rab one
Wenger, Fergie, and Mourinho were on a plane. The door was open and so fergie threw 2 pounds off the plane and said "look, i made 2 people in the world happy".. Wenger threw 50 pounds off the plane and said "haha, there, i made 50 people happy".. than mourinho said "oh yah! i'll make the whole world happy!", so he jumps off the plane