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The Lame Joke Thread
- Thread starter hot_player7
- Start date
Question: Why did the boy throw the clock out of the window?
Answer: Because he wanted to see if time could fly.
Answer: Because he wanted to see if time could fly.
> It is near the Christmas break of the school
> year. The students have turned in all their work and there
> is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless
> and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
>
>
> Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first
> and correctly can leave early today."
>
> Little
> Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here.
> I'm smart and will answer the question."
>
>
> Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years
> Ago'?"
> Before
> Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham
> Lincoln."
>
> Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go
> home."
> Johnny
> is mad that Susie answered the question first.
>
>
> Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
>
> Before
> Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther
> King."
>
> Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
>
> Johnny
> is even madder than before.
>
> Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can
> do for you'?"
> Before
> Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F.
> Kennedy."
>
> Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also
> leave."
> Johnny
> is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of
> the questions.
> When
> the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these
> bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
>
> The
> teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
>
> Johnny:
> "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
> year. The students have turned in all their work and there
> is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless
> and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
>
>
> Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first
> and correctly can leave early today."
>
> Little
> Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here.
> I'm smart and will answer the question."
>
>
> Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years
> Ago'?"
> Before
> Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham
> Lincoln."
>
> Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go
> home."
> Johnny
> is mad that Susie answered the question first.
>
>
> Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
>
> Before
> Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther
> King."
>
> Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
>
> Johnny
> is even madder than before.
>
> Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can
> do for you'?"
> Before
> Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F.
> Kennedy."
>
> Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also
> leave."
> Johnny
> is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of
> the questions.
> When
> the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these
> bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
>
> The
> teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
>
> Johnny:
> "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
newbie original;2741565 said:Knock Knock
Who's there?
Victor-
Victor who?
Victor-ious, Happy and Glorious!
Long to reign over us?
What a lengthy thread, for what could be succinctly summarised with:
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
Jaboldinho
Fan Favourite
newbie original;2801882 said:
FYP.
^^^^Quit making excuses......you're just jealous that my jokes are MUCH lamer than yours!
--------------
Question: What do you call a sleeping cow?
Answer: A bulldozer!
-------------
Question: Did you hear about the cat that swallowed a ball of yarn?
Answer: She had mittens!
----------
Two vomits(that's right....2 vomits) are walking down the street when one vomit started to cry. The other vomit said "what's wrong?" The first vomit replied, "this is where i was brought up!"
-------------
Question: Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road???
Answer: He ran out of juice!!
----------------------
--------------
Question: What do you call a sleeping cow?
Answer: A bulldozer!
-------------
Question: Did you hear about the cat that swallowed a ball of yarn?
Answer: She had mittens!
----------
Two vomits(that's right....2 vomits) are walking down the street when one vomit started to cry. The other vomit said "what's wrong?" The first vomit replied, "this is where i was brought up!"
-------------
Question: Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road???
Answer: He ran out of juice!!
----------------------
1: Knock Knock
2: Who's there?
1: If you
2: If you who(<----uhu, HAHA)
1: If you skip school and go bungee jumping, you will be suspended.
2: Who's there?
1: If you
2: If you who(<----uhu, HAHA)
1: If you skip school and go bungee jumping, you will be suspended.
Q: Whats the difference between a hedgehog and a BMW?
A: The hedgehog has pricks on the outside.
--------------------X-----------------------
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Awful!
----------------X----------------
Person 1: *sigh*
Person 2: *sigh*
Person 3: *sigh*
Person 4: *sigh*
Other Person: Too small for me.
Persons 1-4: Huh?
Other Person: A sighs four that is.
----------------X-----------------
A white horse walks into a pub and orders a pint of cider.
The bartender says "This pub is named after you."
The horse says "What, Brian?"
----------------X-----------
A chicken walks into a bar and the bartender shouts "We don't serve meat here!"
----------------X---------------
Uranus is a gas giant...
--------------x-----------
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: Too prove it wasn't a chicken!
----------------X-------------
Q: What goes zzub?
A: A bee that is flying backwards.
--------------X-------------
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired.
--------X--------------
Q: Why do we ride bicycles?
A: Because bicycles can't ride us!
----------------X-----------
Q: What goes on and on, and has an 'I' in the middle?
A: An onion.
----------------X------------------
A: The hedgehog has pricks on the outside.
--------------------X-----------------------
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Awful!
----------------X----------------
Person 1: *sigh*
Person 2: *sigh*
Person 3: *sigh*
Person 4: *sigh*
Other Person: Too small for me.
Persons 1-4: Huh?
Other Person: A sighs four that is.
----------------X-----------------
A white horse walks into a pub and orders a pint of cider.
The bartender says "This pub is named after you."
The horse says "What, Brian?"
----------------X-----------
A chicken walks into a bar and the bartender shouts "We don't serve meat here!"
----------------X---------------
Uranus is a gas giant...
--------------x-----------
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: Too prove it wasn't a chicken!
----------------X-------------
Q: What goes zzub?
A: A bee that is flying backwards.
--------------X-------------
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired.
--------X--------------
Q: Why do we ride bicycles?
A: Because bicycles can't ride us!
----------------X-----------
Q: What goes on and on, and has an 'I' in the middle?
A: An onion.
----------------X------------------
newbie original;2808208 said:
Keegan;2811321 said:
Another uhoooo!!!
Recrero152
Reserve Team
Have you ever noticed how men always leave the toilet seat up? ... That's the joke.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
If -
If who?(<-----HAHA, effoooo?? Effyou???)
If you play a Windows installation disk backwards, a Satanic voice commands you to kill puppies!
Oh come on, that's nothing. If you play it forwards, it installs Windows.
Who's there?
If -
If who?(<-----HAHA, effoooo?? Effyou???)
If you play a Windows installation disk backwards, a Satanic voice commands you to kill puppies!
Oh come on, that's nothing. If you play it forwards, it installs Windows.
Two elephants are flying next to each other
One of the elephants screams to the other: "You got a piece of bread in your eye!"
The second elephant answers "What?!"
The first elephant screams again: "YOU GOT A PIECE OF BREAD IN YOUR EYE!"
The second elephant reply is: "What did you say?!"
The first elephant screams loudly: "YOU GOT A PIECE OF BREAD IN YOUR EEEEYEEE!!!!!!"
The second elephant says: "I can't hear you, i got a piece of bread in my eye!"
---------------------------X---------------------------
Two penguins on a block of ice.
Penguin 1; push me off of this block of ice.
Penguin 2 pushed him of the block of ice.
-------------------------X-----------------------
3 birds were flying. One turned left, the 2nd went right, the 3rd followed them.
______________X-----------------
There are these three guys named "somebody" "nobody" and "mad". For some reason "somebody"and "nobody" start fighting.. now this fight gets out of hand and somebody kills nobody.
Now mad who is hanging out nearby finds calls the cops. They ask him to describe the situation. Mad replies: " somebody just killed nobody!"
The cops, not understanding, then ask him:
"Dude are you MAD"
Mad replies "YES! I am mad".
_------------------X--------------------
Zorro sees a hot looking blonde girl on the street....to impress her, he makes a big "Z" on the wall. The hot looking blonde girl says : Wow , Zuperman !
--------------------X---------------------
Question: What has four legs and it hangs from the tree?
Answer: A pool table.
------------------X--------------------
2 guys walked on the bridge and the guy in the middle had a hat.
-----------------------X------------------
Question: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
Answer: To stamp out fires.
-------------------X----------------
Question: Why do elephants have flat feet?
Answer: To stamp out burning ducks.
---------------------X------------------
One of the elephants screams to the other: "You got a piece of bread in your eye!"
The second elephant answers "What?!"
The first elephant screams again: "YOU GOT A PIECE OF BREAD IN YOUR EYE!"
The second elephant reply is: "What did you say?!"
The first elephant screams loudly: "YOU GOT A PIECE OF BREAD IN YOUR EEEEYEEE!!!!!!"
The second elephant says: "I can't hear you, i got a piece of bread in my eye!"
---------------------------X---------------------------
Two penguins on a block of ice.
Penguin 1; push me off of this block of ice.
Penguin 2 pushed him of the block of ice.
-------------------------X-----------------------
3 birds were flying. One turned left, the 2nd went right, the 3rd followed them.
______________X-----------------
There are these three guys named "somebody" "nobody" and "mad". For some reason "somebody"and "nobody" start fighting.. now this fight gets out of hand and somebody kills nobody.
Now mad who is hanging out nearby finds calls the cops. They ask him to describe the situation. Mad replies: " somebody just killed nobody!"
The cops, not understanding, then ask him:
"Dude are you MAD"
Mad replies "YES! I am mad".
_------------------X--------------------
Zorro sees a hot looking blonde girl on the street....to impress her, he makes a big "Z" on the wall. The hot looking blonde girl says : Wow , Zuperman !
--------------------X---------------------
Question: What has four legs and it hangs from the tree?
Answer: A pool table.
------------------X--------------------
2 guys walked on the bridge and the guy in the middle had a hat.
-----------------------X------------------
Question: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
Answer: To stamp out fires.
-------------------X----------------
Question: Why do elephants have flat feet?
Answer: To stamp out burning ducks.
---------------------X------------------