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The Lame Joke Thread

P

prockoop

Reserve Team
1: ding ding
2: who is it?
1: watchtowers
2: what do you want?
1: we want to talk
2: hm. and how much are you?
1: two
2: so speak to each other
____________________

Little Peter come back home from the last day of school of first class. He brings his school report to show it to his parents.
Father: Wow Peter, great results. Would you like to have something like fee?
Peter: Yes, father. I would like a white bullet.
Father thinking: White bullet? Why white bullet? But whats up... He has great results, so I'll give him a white bullet.
<year later>
Father: Hi Peter, so how about your todays school results?
Peter: Great father, just like the first year.
Father: Good. So would you like to get something for this? Any toy? Little car?
Peter: No father, I would like a white bullet.
Father: Hmm, white bullet. Ok sone, here you are...
<year later>
Peter: Here goes my school results.
Father: Cool, would you like a white bullet?
Peter: Yea, father.
<year later>
Peter: Here goes my school results.
Father: Cool, would you like a white bullet?
Peter: Yea, father.
<year later>
Peter: Here goes my school results.
Father: Cool, would you like a white bullet?
Peter: Yea, father.
<year later>
Peter: Here goes my school results.
Father: Cool, would you like something? Bicycle?!
Peter: No father, I would like a white bullet!
Father: Ok son, here you are and dont be angry please...
<year later>
Peter: Here goes my school results.
Father: Cool, would you like a white bullet?
Peter: Yea, father.
<year later - now Peter is in 8th class>
Peter: Here goes my school results.
Father: Cool, would you like something? Motorcycle?
Peter: No, FATHER! I would like a white bullet!!!
<year later>
Peter: Here goes my school results.
Father: Cool, would you like a white bullet?
Peter: Yea, father.
<year later - now peter is on high school>
Peter: Here goes my school results.
Father: Cool, would you like a car?
Peter: Oh, father, you are really stupid, father. I would like a white bullet, lie every year.
Father: Ok, ok.
<year later>
Peter: Here goes my school results.
Father: Cool, would you like a white bullet?
Peter: Yea, father.
<year later>
Peter: Here goes my school results.
Father: Cool, would you like a white bullet?
Peter: Yea, father.
<year later - wow, Peter done the school-leaving exam!!>
Peter: Here goes my school results.
Father: Cool, would you like a white bullet?
Peter: Yea, father.
Father: Ok Peter, I'll give you one, but tell me. Tell me why you always want it? Why you always want a WHITE BULLET??!!
Peter: Ok father, I'll tell you now. I'll tell you now why was I taken the white bullet always. Its because -- -- ho, uh, blé, jayé, ding and blink -- --

Peter died at this moment. How ironic...

EDIT: the second one you have to tell, write form isnt as good.
 
D

Deisler

Red Card [Being a douche] exp. 22/1/06
after being in prison for 15 years, a man escapes. He breaks into a house to look for money & guns but finds a youg couple in bed. He orders the man out of bed and ties him to a chair. He tied the girl to the bed and kisses her neck. Than he gets up& goes in to the bathroom. The husband tells his wife: " Listen, this guy'd a dangerous escaped convict! He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants to **** you, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you or he might kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." The wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I LOVE YOU TOO.
 
D

Deisler

Red Card [Being a douche] exp. 22/1/06
What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?

"Hey, y'all ... Watch this!"
 
J

Javyol

Reserve Team
Deisler;2779463 said:
after being in prison for 15 years, a man escapes. He breaks into a house to look for money & guns but finds a youg couple in bed. He orders the man out of bed and ties him to a chair. He tied the girl to the bed and kisses her neck. Than he gets up& goes in to the bathroom. The husband tells his wife: " Listen, this guy'd a dangerous escaped convict! He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants to **** you, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you or he might kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." The wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I LOVE YOU TOO.
Click to expand...

Haha that's Quality(Y)

I'm sure everyone is looking for a recipe for some christmas cake, so here it it.....

Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
flour
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
nuts
1 bottle Vodka
1 can of red bull
2 cups of dried fruit

Method:
Sample the vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and mix with a little red bull & drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large, fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point it’s best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK. Flavour with red bull to taste. Try another cup…. just in case turn off the mixerer.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuckin the cup of dried fruit.

Pick fruit off floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a screwscriver.

Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity - flavour with a little Bed Rull.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.

Throw a pinch of Bed Rull over your shoulder.

Pick up the can, mop the floor.

Check the vodka.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or whatever you can find.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and fall into bed.

CHERRY MISTMAS!
(H)
 
A

Alejandrix

Reserve Team
WANTED:
A tall well built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classical music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please only read lines 1,3,and 5
 
D

Duong

Starting XI
Alejandrix;2781626 said:
WANTED:
A tall well built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classical music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please only read lines 1,3,and 5
Click to expand...
good one (Y)
 
C

cmc211

Starting XI
Dear Kevin.

Feeling so sad, I'm writing this letter becuse you should come back home.
Unless you come back, then I'll call your school.
Call me where you are. It will make us safer.
Kevin, stop playing with me. Come back. I'm missing you.
You may like being free but actually it won't help you in your life.
Oh, Kevin, you are my son. I'm hoping you to be back safe.
Urgently asking.

From your mom.
 
S

Sir Calumn

Guest
What do you say to a man with no arms and no legs when you've forgotten your watch?







Have you got the time on your cock?
 
N

newbie original

We apologize for keeping the yellow too long
Yellow Card
An internet user is sick and tired of his internet being slow. So he sent the following message to his Internet Service Provider:

"One of your computer techs should go into the server room and find the errant computer and give it a swift kick in the rear end."

-------------------

A clown who has to entertain and be happy on the outside, but on the inside, he is very sad.

Also, he has severe diarrhea.

----------------------
 
M

mrromaniac

Reserve Team
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more 'special'."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account," he said.
"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"


A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.
So he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."
 
Keegan

Keegan

Yardie
mrromaniac;2789123 said:
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more 'special'."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account," he said.
"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"


A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.
So he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."
Click to expand...

These jokes are rather inappropriate for this thread... they are funny! :D
 
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