The Lame Joke Thread

[newbie original]

Where do you find this sh*t dude!!!! is just ridiculous!!! don´t tell me you are making up some of those jokes

Shh...no talking. This is a library!
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Q: Where does the general keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies!

---------------------------

-Knock Knock
---Who's there?
-Interrupting Cow
---Inter-
-MOOOOO!

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Q: What is greater than 25?
A: 26!

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Q: Why did the orange go to the doctor?
A: Because he wasn't PEELING well.

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Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A: Because he was feeling CRUMB-y.

 

[Keegan]

Moooo!

 

[newbie original]

Q: What is Purple and goes Slam, Slam, Slam, Slam?
A: A Four Door Grape

Q: What is green and can be found at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Moby Dill

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because the lights were green and the cars had stopped.

Q: What happens when you toss a Blue Rock into a Red River?
A: It Gets Wet

Q: What is black and white and red all over?
A: A zebra playing with razor blades

Q: Why do farmers place bells onto cows?
A: Because their horns do not work

Q: Why couldn’t the kids see the pirate movie?
A: Because it was rated “ARRRRRRRRRGH”

Q: Where do military leaders keep their armies?
A: In their sleeves

Q: What are vegetables known as in math class?
A: Square Roots

Q: What are they called when two spiders get married?
A: Newlywebs

Q: What is red and green and travels over 100 mph?
A: A frog in a blender

 

[newbie original]

This post has been brought to you by:
Don't love me for fun girl
Let me be the one girl
Love me for a reason
Let that reason be love

Don't love me for fun girl
Let me be the one girl
Love me for a reason
Let that reasuuuun beeee looooove


Q: What do clouds wear under their clothes?
A: Thunderware.

Q: Why did the scarecrow win a nobel prize?
A: He was outstanding in his field

Q: Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?
A: Because the cow has the udder!

Q: What's pink and fluffy?
A: Pink fluff.

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A brown stick.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because he was EGGed on.

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Turnip
Turnip who?
Turnip for work tomorrow or you'll be in big trouble.

Knock knock.
Who's there.
Cabbage.
Cabbage who?
How are you not surprised by a talking cabbage?

 

[newbie original]

This post has been brought to you by a flying broomstick:
Look there, in the sky, it's a bird!!! It's a plane!!! It's Super-----a broomstick!!!

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a pen?
A: An Elepen.

Q: Where do cows go for fun?
A: The MOOvies.

Q: How did the nucleus get in touch with the mitochondria?
A: On his Cell Phone!

Q: What do you get when you cross a Cow and a Skateboard?
A: An udder catastrophe.

Q: What did one ninja say to the other?
A: Hi Ya!!!

Q: What did the sensai say to the waitress when asked what he'd like to drink?
A: I'll have some wa-taaaaah!

Q: What do an elephant and a bird have in common?
A: They both fly, except for the elephant.

Two markets are flying.
Market1: Wait a minute, markets don't fly.
Market2: I'm not a regular market, I'm a SUPER-MARKET!

Q: What's green and invisible?
A: These apples of course >>

Q: What did the Newspaper say about the huge cattle stampede?
A: It was UDDER MADNESS!

-----------------X-----------------------

Commercial Break:

Squabble Squabble, Squirrel Squirrel, Squabble Squirrel, Squirrel Squabble.

Can you git a ghost with a belt? No!! But with this chocolate, you can climb a beanstalk and meet Little Red Riding Hood!!!

- How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood!
- Eat your green vegetables! This lettuce is better than that lettuce because it is greener.
- This beer went to the moon and stayed there.

--------------------X---------------------

And now the ending:

Three tomatoes are walking down the street. A papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby tomato starts to lag behind so the papa tomato goes back and squishes him and says "ketchup".

 

[Alejandrix]

you are killing me...

 

[leungtl]

Okay this thread is past its use-by date.

 

[Tom]

One more:

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?










































A Stick.

!

 

[Keegan]

Why close the thread? Newbie liked posting them, I liked reading them. What exactly was the harm?

 

[Tom]

Agreed.

 

[Alejandrix]

Yeah!!!! good news, Newbie´s recovered his job!!!

 

[Keegan]

When is a thread not a thread?

When it is corny.

 

[Mandieta6]

MOD FIGHT!!!!

 

[newbie original]

A man walks into a bar and proclaims with a loud voice; I'm feeling mean enough right now to whop a bear.
A very large and powerfully built man, smelling of alcohol, straddles up to him and asks; Just what kind of a bear are you talking about?
To which the first man, gesturing with a thumb and forefinger, replies; A little bitty bear!

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Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A piiig

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Q: What did a hand say to a face?
A: "Slap!"

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Q: How do Elephants hide in Cherry Trees???
A: They paint their toe nails red.

Newbie Original (2009 ©)

Why close the thread?...

Antinewbieism.

 

[yoyo913]

Q: How do Elephants hide in Cherry Trees???
A: They paint their toe nails red.

Newbie Original (2009 ©)

God you're lame. You're creating them??

 

[newbie original]

Q: Why do elephants wear blue sneakers?
A: Because the red ones are in the laundry.

Q: Why do elephants wear green sneakers?
A: So they can hide in the grass.

Q: Why do elephants hide in the grass?
A: To trip ants as they walk by.

Q: Why do elephants climb trees?
A: To try out their new sneakers.

Q: Why did the elephant float down the river upside down?
A: He didn't want to get his sneakers wet.

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: For stomping out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: For stomping out burning ducks.

Q: Why can't an elephant ride a bike?
A: It doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.

Q: How many elephants can fit into a VW bug?
A: 4-- 2 in the front, 2 in the back

Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in your house?
A: There's a footprint in the Jell-O.

Q: How do you know if there are 2 elephants in your house?
A: There are 2 footprints in the Jell-O.

Q: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your house?
A: There are 3 footprints in the Jell-O.

Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your house?
A: There's a VW bug parked in the garage.

Q: Why does an elephant have a trunk?
A: To hide itself when it sees a mouse.

Q: Why do elephants have teeth?
A: To chew their toenails.

Q: Why do elephants have toenails?
A: To have something to chew.

Q: What's the difference between a boy elephant and a girl elephant?
A: One sings bass, the other sings soprano.

Q: Why do girl elephants wear angora sweaters?
A: So you can tell them apart from boy elephants.

Q: How do elephants dive into swimming pools?
A: Head first.

Q: Why aren't elephants green?
A: So you wouldn't think they are crocodiles. Newbie Original (2009 ©)

Q: Why are elephants trumpeters?
A: Because it's too hard to learn the piano.

 

[newbie original]

By the way, the rest of you CAN also post Lame Jokes in this thread. Go ahead....I'm sure you know ATLEAST 30 to 40 lame jokes off the top of your head.....

I hereby give you permission to post lame jokes in this thread.

 

[Jaboldinho]

I give you permission to stop posting lame jokes in the thread.

 

[night]

I give everyone permission to agree with Jaboldinho.

 

[Theodorakis]

Q: Why aren't elephants green?
A: So you wouldn't think they are crocodiles. Newbie Original (2009 ©)

Last edited by newbie original; Today at 05:30:AM. Reason: changed "were" to "are" because elephants STILL exist today..they aren't creatures of the past..

guys **** me and tell this is a clinical trial..