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The Lame Joke Thread
- Thread starter hot_player7
- Start date
Jaboldinho
Fan Favourite
Well, I've got one (sort of). It's also from Jimmy Carr.
Surveys suggest that women kiss with their eyes closed.
-That's why it's so hard to recognize a rapist from the police line.
Surveys suggest that women kiss with their eyes closed.
-That's why it's so hard to recognize a rapist from the police line.
hot_player7
Youth Team
Tech Jokes
Rick, fresh out of engineering school, went to a interview for a good paying job.
The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"
"22," Rick replied.
After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator
(he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!)
and realized he wouldn't get the job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job!
Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but he was very curious.
So,the next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong.
The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked the hot-shot young Engineer, fresh out of MIT,
"And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The engineer cooly said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - for starters, say, a red Corvette?"
The engineer tried to control his excitement, but sat straight up and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
"Yeah," the interviewer shrugged, "But you started it"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now."
Person: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Person: "How do I know when it's ready?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My friend went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to make his rounds.
A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery.
My friend looked at the neighbor and said:
"No, My computer keeps telling me I have mail"
Rick, fresh out of engineering school, went to a interview for a good paying job.
The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"
"22," Rick replied.
After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator
(he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!)
and realized he wouldn't get the job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job!
Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but he was very curious.
So,the next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong.
The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked the hot-shot young Engineer, fresh out of MIT,
"And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The engineer cooly said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - for starters, say, a red Corvette?"
The engineer tried to control his excitement, but sat straight up and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
"Yeah," the interviewer shrugged, "But you started it"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now."
Person: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Person: "How do I know when it's ready?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My friend went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to make his rounds.
A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery.
My friend looked at the neighbor and said:
"No, My computer keeps telling me I have mail"
Jaboldinho
Fan Favourite
I guess you missed the talk about the birds and the bees...
Ubik Valis
Croatian Viking
prockoop;2726130 said:
harry
harry
harry
harry
harry
harry
harry
What`s big, bad & purple and eats people?
The big, bad purple people eater of course.
__________________
Why do Elephants wear green tennis shoes?
To hide on pool tables.
Why do Elephants wear red tennis shoes?
The green ones are in the wash.
The big, bad purple people eater of course.
__________________
Why do Elephants wear green tennis shoes?
To hide on pool tables.
Why do Elephants wear red tennis shoes?
The green ones are in the wash.
prockoop;2728844 said:
NOT!
It should be thing.
prockoop;2729288 said:hey! dont edit quote of myself!
when I wrote: "edit: hey! i wrote it right, or not?" I thought hurry up
and when I wrote: "think(g)" it was lame joke, understand?
Oh I get it.....it was a lame joke, because this is the lame joke thread.
prockoop;2729288 said:
It should be don't, not dont.
prockoop;2729288 said:
It should be Hey, not hey....
prockoop;2729288 said:
It should be don't quote, NOT don't edit quote..............
prockoop;2729288 said:
It should be don't quote me!, NOT don't edit quote of myself!..................................
Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me!
Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me!
Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Don't quote me! Do
Keegan;2730219 said:
I was going for the Bart Simpson thing....you know, writing on a chalkboard. I couldn't remember how he left his sentences.....with a "..." or just abruptly ended his words without anything.
Mandieta6;2730223 said:
Good sir, you have to learn to appreciate the little things.