Ubik Valis
Croatian Viking
Rob said:
HAHAHAH! A fu*king Berretta?!
!!!!
-
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R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet"
- Thread starter Voltaic Borusse
- Start date
HAHAHAH! A fu*king Berretta?!
!!!!
CoolBobby said:Then I said baby, we must slow down
Before I bust a vessel in my brain
And she said please no dont stop
And I said I caught a cramp
And she said please keep on goin
I said my leg is about to crack
Then she cries out
Oh my goodness, I'm about to climax
And I said cool
Voltaic Borusse
Fan Favourite
Read all of Chapter 5, it will have you rolling on the floor in tears.
True work of art: http://rkellyout.ytmnd.com/
True work of art: http://rkellyout.ytmnd.com/
And now I’m like
Right about now I say the following
well, well, well, what the **** is this
Well, my goodness, what could possibly be happening here?
a condom in my bed
(self explanatory)
you better start talking bitch
You better have a good explaination for this, you well rounded female
fore I take a match and burn this mother****er down
If not I plan to burn this house to the ground, and add arson to my already extensive rap sheet
I said you better start talking and start talking right Goddamn now
I strongly recommend you explain
then she said baby I’m so speechless
She was flabbergasted
then I said my baby you gonna be breathless
I'll kill you, and add murder as well
if you don’t start talking quick
I'm serious
woman I’m gonna have a fit
Madam, I may start having convulsions very soon
you don’t know what you ******* with
You're becoming quite the nuisance
girl you better cut the bull ****
Madam, I advise that you start giving me direct answers
now its obvious somebody has been all up in my home
It has become obvious to me that someone has been tresspassing on my property
in my bed plus I smell cigarettes
Marlboro Lights (brand)
now I’m sniffing and looking around
Something smells amiss
suspicious like someone’s here
I have every right to believe the tresspasser never vacated the premises
then I looked in her eyes and in her eyes there was so much fear
As I looked into her eyes I could smell fear, my penis begin to solidify
pull out my gun and says is he still here
I pulled out my firearm, which I may or may not have a permit for, and said "The assailant is still in the area, I will locate him
she shook her head and said no
(Self explanitory)
I’m checking behind every door
I check every inch of my home
she cried out he left right after you called
She said "That nigga done played you, you'll never see him again"
I said what the **** was you thinking
I ask her what she could have possibly been thinking
thought that I wouldn’t find this out
She had taken me for a fool, inside I begin to feel like less of a man
then I said you must be crazy or
I told her that she must be insane, or
on crack to have somebody up in my mother******* house
under the influence of crack cocaine to have someone inside my house
she hopped up and said that’s enough
She jumped to her feet and told me to cease
she said I can’t take no more
She has reached her threshold
and then she said you’ve made your point
She said "I can agree with your opinion"
but now it’s time to even the score
Now is not the time to set about exacting revenge
she said I know all about last night
She knows about last night
and where you went when you left the club
That I had attended some sort of party establishment
said that’s right nigger I was there
Yes, negro, I was at that establishment
with this guy in the back of the club
With a gentleman, we were positioned at the rear of the establishment
I said I thought you was with your girls
I said I thought you were with other women, cooking and washing my underpants
she said I thought you was with you guys
She thought I was having some beverages with the guys
she said you was at that bitches house
You were at that harlet's house
and don’t you even try to act surprised
and that I should not act shocked
I said babe she said shut up
that I should stop talking, and ponder suicide
don’t you say a word
basically repeating what she just said
it ain’t nothing you can say
it's getting a bit tautological now
that I ain’t already heard
She has heard everything there is to hear
then I said woman don’t you try to turn it all around
Then I said "Ma'am, the fact remains that you are guilty"
cause the fact still remains that someone else was in my house
someone was in the house, and he urinated on you
then she said youre right about that
She said that kind of thing turns her on
something did go down
She said that he stimulated her orally
but I don’t have to turn it around
She said that I am also guilty, my back is to the wall
cause what goes around comes back around
Hammurabi's code
I’m moving a little closer to her
I decide to move in for the kill, It's the only weapon remaining in my depleated arsenal
she’s tripping over the furniture
She cannot escape
she said wait precious let me explain
She attempts to sweet talk me
I said no need to just give me his name
I ask the gentleman's name
and then she says uh un
She is formulating a lie
I say uh what
Spit it out, you jezebel!
she says please sit down in the chair
She requests that I take a seat
and I say no I’m standing up
Denied
and then she cries out I’m so scare to tell
I have her so scared she's in tears, I feel like a big man
you because of what you might do
She says I might kill him
and I scream now look girl you better give me this man’s name
I demand to know the man's moniker
and I’m not playing with you
and this is no game
she says ok wipes her nose then asks me about a girl name tina
She wipes the mucus from under her nose and says she knows a female by the name of Tina
I thought to myself says it sounds familiar
"I bet that's the woman I slept with", I thought
then said that’ll I probably know her if I seen her
I replyed, I may know her face
and then I said any way girl what the hell has that got to do
then I asked what any of this had to do
with this man
with Cobra Commander
she said you know my girl roxanne
She said you know my good friend, Roxanne
I said who the hell is roxanne
Not that I recall
then she says roxanne’s a friend of mine
Roxanne is a good friend of her's
who knows this guy name Chuck
She knows the homosexual, Chuck
Chuck’s cool with this guy named Rufus
Chuck is having relations with a man named Rufus
and I’m sitting there like what the ****
At this point I am completly bewildered
then she says Rufus wife Cathy
Rufus has a wife, Cathy
we both went to high school
We both attended High School
she introduced me to the policeman that stopped you
Where I met the law enforcment official that stopped you
I'll get my coat
Right about now I say the following
well, well, well, what the **** is this
Well, my goodness, what could possibly be happening here?
a condom in my bed
(self explanatory)
you better start talking bitch
You better have a good explaination for this, you well rounded female
fore I take a match and burn this mother****er down
If not I plan to burn this house to the ground, and add arson to my already extensive rap sheet
I said you better start talking and start talking right Goddamn now
I strongly recommend you explain
then she said baby I’m so speechless
She was flabbergasted
then I said my baby you gonna be breathless
I'll kill you, and add murder as well
if you don’t start talking quick
I'm serious
woman I’m gonna have a fit
Madam, I may start having convulsions very soon
you don’t know what you ******* with
You're becoming quite the nuisance
girl you better cut the bull ****
Madam, I advise that you start giving me direct answers
now its obvious somebody has been all up in my home
It has become obvious to me that someone has been tresspassing on my property
in my bed plus I smell cigarettes
Marlboro Lights (brand)
now I’m sniffing and looking around
Something smells amiss
suspicious like someone’s here
I have every right to believe the tresspasser never vacated the premises
then I looked in her eyes and in her eyes there was so much fear
As I looked into her eyes I could smell fear, my penis begin to solidify
pull out my gun and says is he still here
I pulled out my firearm, which I may or may not have a permit for, and said "The assailant is still in the area, I will locate him
she shook her head and said no
(Self explanitory)
I’m checking behind every door
I check every inch of my home
she cried out he left right after you called
She said "That nigga done played you, you'll never see him again"
I said what the **** was you thinking
I ask her what she could have possibly been thinking
thought that I wouldn’t find this out
She had taken me for a fool, inside I begin to feel like less of a man
then I said you must be crazy or
I told her that she must be insane, or
on crack to have somebody up in my mother******* house
under the influence of crack cocaine to have someone inside my house
she hopped up and said that’s enough
She jumped to her feet and told me to cease
she said I can’t take no more
She has reached her threshold
and then she said you’ve made your point
She said "I can agree with your opinion"
but now it’s time to even the score
Now is not the time to set about exacting revenge
she said I know all about last night
She knows about last night
and where you went when you left the club
That I had attended some sort of party establishment
said that’s right nigger I was there
Yes, negro, I was at that establishment
with this guy in the back of the club
With a gentleman, we were positioned at the rear of the establishment
I said I thought you was with your girls
I said I thought you were with other women, cooking and washing my underpants
she said I thought you was with you guys
She thought I was having some beverages with the guys
she said you was at that bitches house
You were at that harlet's house
and don’t you even try to act surprised
and that I should not act shocked
I said babe she said shut up
that I should stop talking, and ponder suicide
don’t you say a word
basically repeating what she just said
it ain’t nothing you can say
it's getting a bit tautological now
that I ain’t already heard
She has heard everything there is to hear
then I said woman don’t you try to turn it all around
Then I said "Ma'am, the fact remains that you are guilty"
cause the fact still remains that someone else was in my house
someone was in the house, and he urinated on you
then she said youre right about that
She said that kind of thing turns her on
something did go down
She said that he stimulated her orally
but I don’t have to turn it around
She said that I am also guilty, my back is to the wall
cause what goes around comes back around
Hammurabi's code
I’m moving a little closer to her
I decide to move in for the kill, It's the only weapon remaining in my depleated arsenal
she’s tripping over the furniture
She cannot escape
she said wait precious let me explain
She attempts to sweet talk me
I said no need to just give me his name
I ask the gentleman's name
and then she says uh un
She is formulating a lie
I say uh what
Spit it out, you jezebel!
she says please sit down in the chair
She requests that I take a seat
and I say no I’m standing up
Denied
and then she cries out I’m so scare to tell
I have her so scared she's in tears, I feel like a big man
you because of what you might do
She says I might kill him
and I scream now look girl you better give me this man’s name
I demand to know the man's moniker
and I’m not playing with you
and this is no game
she says ok wipes her nose then asks me about a girl name tina
She wipes the mucus from under her nose and says she knows a female by the name of Tina
I thought to myself says it sounds familiar
"I bet that's the woman I slept with", I thought
then said that’ll I probably know her if I seen her
I replyed, I may know her face
and then I said any way girl what the hell has that got to do
then I asked what any of this had to do
with this man
with Cobra Commander
she said you know my girl roxanne
She said you know my good friend, Roxanne
I said who the hell is roxanne
Not that I recall
then she says roxanne’s a friend of mine
Roxanne is a good friend of her's
who knows this guy name Chuck
She knows the homosexual, Chuck
Chuck’s cool with this guy named Rufus
Chuck is having relations with a man named Rufus
and I’m sitting there like what the ****
At this point I am completly bewildered
then she says Rufus wife Cathy
Rufus has a wife, Cathy
we both went to high school
We both attended High School
she introduced me to the policeman that stopped you
Where I met the law enforcment official that stopped you
I'll get my coat
songs should be made, so that people will listen to them. Who the feck will be walking on the street with his ipod and listening to the same dumb story over and over again? .
Try to imagine one of the chapters being played during some party
. What is R. Kelly thinking, he used to be cool.
. Try to imagine one of the chapters being played during some party
. What is R. Kelly thinking, he used to be cool.TheBlueBalla
Starting XI
My god
I downloaded chapter one a few months ago. When I finally got listening to it, I immediately started looking for the rest. At that point, I got 1-5.
I was stupified by what I heard. I couldnt believe a drama was being played out in a rap song. At the same time, though, it was so riddiculous, and above all, hillarious, that I in no way assumed he was actually for real. But at the end, he finished with "and a man picks up the phone" and I assumed the saga was at an end...sadly
Now, I find myself wanting to listen to chapters 6-9. I cant belive he sang in a southern female accent, and one of his plot twists was a damn MIDGET Still, R Kelly must have some sense of how much of a laughing stock this has become. Even the most hardcore supporter he has must have a chuckle at something like...
"Now pause the movie ya'll
because what Im bout to say is so damn twisted
not only is there a man in this closet
but the man....is a midget (midget) (midget)"
In any event, I think this is a brilliant spoof. The laughable plot that grows ever more cartoonishly absurd, the accentuated lines, and above all the riddiculous comments that just dont translate like: "Now get to the point/or I swear im ouuuut" or "Sh*t think, sh*t think, sh*t put me in the closet"
Legend(?)
I downloaded chapter one a few months ago. When I finally got listening to it, I immediately started looking for the rest. At that point, I got 1-5.
I was stupified by what I heard. I couldnt believe a drama was being played out in a rap song. At the same time, though, it was so riddiculous, and above all, hillarious, that I in no way assumed he was actually for real. But at the end, he finished with "and a man picks up the phone" and I assumed the saga was at an end...sadly
Now, I find myself wanting to listen to chapters 6-9. I cant belive he sang in a southern female accent, and one of his plot twists was a damn MIDGET
Still, R Kelly must have some sense of how much of a laughing stock this has become. Even the most hardcore supporter he has must have a chuckle at something like..."Now pause the movie ya'll
because what Im bout to say is so damn twisted
not only is there a man in this closet
but the man....is a midget (midget) (midget)"
In any event, I think this is a brilliant spoof. The laughable plot that grows ever more cartoonishly absurd, the accentuated lines, and above all the riddiculous comments that just dont translate like: "Now get to the point/or I swear im ouuuut" or "Sh*t think, sh*t think, sh*t put me in the closet"
Legend(?)
Voltaic Borusse
Fan Favourite
Still haven't gotten around to the other chapters. Am going to download them tommorow.
I've told Rob my possible answer for what happens at the end.
Here it is:
Chuck gave Rufus AIDS. Rufus gave AIDS to Cathy. Cathy -> Sylvester. Sylvester -> Gwendolyn. Gwendolyn -> James (Cop). Cop -> Bridget (Cop's wife). Bridget -> Midget.
Now they all have AIDS, and R. Kelly proclaims that AIDS is a creation of the US Government, and attempts to become a social hero based off of this work, thus regaining his dignity after he was found peeing on a girl. But he goes to jail for peeing on another girl.
Here it is:
Chuck gave Rufus AIDS. Rufus gave AIDS to Cathy. Cathy -> Sylvester. Sylvester -> Gwendolyn. Gwendolyn -> James (Cop). Cop -> Bridget (Cop's wife). Bridget -> Midget.
Now they all have AIDS, and R. Kelly proclaims that AIDS is a creation of the US Government, and attempts to become a social hero based off of this work, thus regaining his dignity after he was found peeing on a girl. But he goes to jail for peeing on another girl.