Take Sir_Didier_Drogba's ultimate sexual profiling test

[Sir Calumn]

Hello everyone I'm back in England, or Scotland as of tomorrow, and I would like to say that I've missed you all dearly but that would be gay.

Anyway in my absence I have devised something worthy of Freud and better than Barthes - the ultimate sexual profiling test. All you have to do is answer all the questions with simple yes or no answers and then post (or PM if you want to keep it anon though I will post your results publicly) your answers here so I can compare them to my deeply detailed and scientific response chart and come back to you with an in depth psychosexual profile of yourself.

Dont delay - take the test today!

---

Part one - which of the following give you an erection - answer yes or no to each question...

1) When a girl rubs against you on a crowded bus/tube

2) Sleeping in the same bed as a girl even though nothing sexual happens

3) Watching female newsreaders

4) The gay rape scene in pulp fiction

5) Muslim woman in full postbox attire

6) Any scene in the first two harry potter movies

7) Fitness videos

8) John Wayne beating the **** out of someone

9) Marks and Spencers food adverts (non UK members answer N/A)

10) Jessica Lovejoy in the Simpsons

11) Watching two ladybugs get it on

12) Listening to any form of rap/R&B music

13) Bald britney

14) Orthadox jews in full attire

15) Reading prossie ads in phoneboxes or the "entertainers" section of the yellow pages

Part 2 - do the following statements apply to you

1) I would rather drive 30 miles in a toyote pickup truck than eat a single piece of toast and honey

2) If I get cum on the carpet I dont care so long as the white mark is not easily distinguishable as semen and dont try to clean it up

3) If I accidently get onto a bestiality site I take a quick look round before exiting

4) If I cant tell a girl is actually a man but someone tells me (s)he is it's still ok to jerk off to her/him

5) I find homeless people sexy

6) I wash my hands immediately after touching a dog

7) I would pay considerable money for the Obama and Clinton porn video if one ever leaked

8) I think I could make Ann Coulter change her wicked ways in just one night

9) If I cum in a girls eye and she gets really pissed off and I have to apologise secretly I dont mean it

10) I would have sex with Kader's girlfriend no matter what she looks like

11) I think Sylvester Stallone should make more movies

12) I would shove my dick in a vacuum cleaner if I didnt fear the consequences

13) I'd like to **** Prussian Blue in the shape of a swastika

14) I read the bible for the sex scenes

15) During a gay sex act I would rather be the hamster than the man with the hamster in his ass

----

Now, all you need to do is answer the questions honestly and I will come back to you with your sexual profile which will tell you everything you need to know about your ideal partners, fetishes, orientation etc etc

 

[Parra Power]

1. No
2. Maybe
3-14. No
15. Maybe. Depends on my mood.

1. No
2. Yes
3. Yes
4-8. No
9. Yes
10. Yes to the first part, no to the second.
11. No
12. Yes
13. If they were born in 90 instead of 92 then yes.
14. No
15. I guess so. Girlrs have asses too and I have an imagination - two axioms I could employ if I ever had to be in such a situation.

I await your response.

 

[Avalanche]

Part I

1. Yes
2. No
3. No
4. No
5. No
6. No
7. No
8. No
9. N/A
10. No
11. No
12. No
13. No
14. No
15. No

Part II

1. Yes, especially if it was the Hilux that Jeremy Clarkson and James May tried to destroy on Top Gear.
2. Yes
3. No
4. No
5. No
6. No
7. Maybe, depends on what they're doing.
8. Yes
9. Yes
10. No
11. No
12. No
13. No
14. What's the Bible?
15. Yes

 

[rony31]

1) No
2) No
3) No
4) No
5) No
6) No
7) No
8) No
9) N/A
10) Not anymore
11) No
12) Pop Lock & Drop It... I mean No
13) No
14) No
15) No

Part 2 - do the following statements apply to you

1) No
2) Yes
3) Yes
4) No
5) No
6) No
7) Ye....... No
8) Definately
9) Yes... never done it before but I'd figure that's how it'll go
10) Yes
11) No
12) No
13) ...Who?
14) I did in high school
15) No

 

[RobbieD_PL]

Part one - which of the following give you an erection - answer yes or no to each question...

1) No

2) Maybe

3) Depends who it is lol

4) No

5) No

6) No

7) Maybe

8) No

9) N/A

10) Yes

11) No

12) F*ck No

13) F*ck No

14) Nein, Ich sagen!

15) Yes

Part 2 - do the following statements apply to you

1) pick-up

2) No

3) No

4) No, I can tell.

5) No, I have higher standards.

6) Yes

7) Yes, the less copies the Republicans have the better.

8) Yes

9) Yes/No

10) Yes

11) Yes, In a non sexual way.

12) Well, yeh. But I do fear the consequences.

13) Yep

14) nope

15) Hampster

 

[ShearerM4]

Go on then...

Part one -

1) no
2) If I fancy her, yes
3) no
4) nope
5) no
6) no
7) no
8) hum, no
9) haha, no!
10) nah
11) no
12) no
13) no
14) no
15) no

Part 2 -

1) yes
2) no (as in I don't care )
3) yes
4) no
5) no
6) yes, well as soon as I can
7) nah, don't pay for porn man!
8) nahh
9) yeap, don't mean it
10) no
11) no
12) humm... no
13) nah
14) no
15) no

 

[Tajike]

Part one - which of the following give you an erection - answer yes or no to each question...

1) When a girl rubs against you on a crowded bus/tube
No

2) Sleeping in the same bed as a girl even though nothing sexual happens
No

3) Watching female newsreaders
No

4) The gay rape scene in pulp fiction
No

5) Muslim woman in full postbox attire
No

6) Any scene in the first two harry potter movies
No

7) Fitness videos
Yes... Sometimes...

8) John Wayne beating the **** out of someone
No

9) Marks and Spencers food adverts (non UK members answer N/A)
NA

10) Jessica Lovejoy in the Simpsons
No

11) Watching two ladybugs get it on
No

12) Listening to any form of rap/R&B music
No

13) Bald britney
No

14) Orthadox jews in full attire
No

15) Reading prossie ads in phoneboxes or the "entertainers" section of the yellow pages
No

Part 2 - do the following statements apply to you

1) I would rather drive 30 miles in a toyote pickup truck than eat a single piece of toast and honey
Yes

2) If I get cum on the carpet I dont care so long as the white mark is not easily distinguishable as semen and dont try to clean it up
Yes

3) If I accidently get onto a bestiality site I take a quick look round before exiting
No

4) If I cant tell a girl is actually a man but someone tells me (s)he is it's still ok to jerk off to her/him
No

5) I find homeless people sexy
No

6) I wash my hands immediately after touching a dog
Yes

7) I would pay considerable money for the Obama and Clinton porn video if one ever leaked
No

8) I think I could make Ann Coulter change her wicked ways in just one night
Yes

9) If I cum in a girls eye and she gets really pissed off and I have to apologise secretly I dont mean it
Yes

10) I would have sex with Kader's girlfriend no matter what she looks like
Definetly yes

11) I think Sylvester Stallone should make more movies
No

12) I would shove my dick in a vacuum cleaner if I didnt fear the consequences
No

13) I'd like to **** Prussian Blue in the shape of a swastika
No

14) I read the bible for the sex scenes
Yes

15) During a gay sex act I would rather be the hamster than the man with the hamster in his ass
Depends on the guy (obviously no)

 

[leungtl]

Part one - which of the following give you an erection - answer yes or no to each question...

1) When a girl rubs against you on a crowded bus/tube
No

2) Sleeping in the same bed as a girl even though nothing sexual happens
When I wake up in the morning maybe... But that's out of my control!

3) Watching female newsreaders
No

4) The gay rape scene in pulp fiction
Haven't seen it, but I'm guessing no

5) Muslim woman in full postbox attire
No

6) Any scene in the first two harry potter movies
No

7) Fitness videos
Depends... Sometimes

8) John Wayne beating the **** out of someone
No

9) Marks and Spencers food adverts (non UK members answer N/A)
N/A

10) Jessica Lovejoy in the Simpsons
No

11) Watching two ladybugs get it on
Never seen it, so no

12) Listening to any form of rap/R&B music
No

13) Bald britney
NO.

14) Orthadox jews in full attire
No

15) Reading prossie ads in phoneboxes or the "entertainers" section of the yellow pages
No

Part 2 - do the following statements apply to you

1) I would rather drive 30 miles in a toyote pickup truck than eat a single piece of toast and honey
I don't get it... so no?

2) If I get cum on the carpet I dont care so long as the white mark is not easily distinguishable as semen and dont try to clean it up
No

3) If I accidently get onto a bestiality site I take a quick look round before exiting
No

4) If I cant tell a girl is actually a man but someone tells me (s)he is it's still ok to jerk off to her/him
No

5) I find homeless people sexy
No

6) I wash my hands immediately after touching a dog
Yes...

7) I would pay considerable money for the Obama and Clinton porn video if one ever leaked
No

8) I think I could make Ann Coulter change her wicked ways in just one night
Don't know who she is

9) If I cum in a girls eye and she gets really pissed off and I have to apologise secretly I dont mean it
No

10) I would have sex with Kader's girlfriend no matter what she looks like
No

11) I think Sylvester Stallone should make more movies
No

12) I would shove my dick in a vacuum cleaner if I didnt fear the consequences
No

13) I'd like to **** Prussian Blue in the shape of a swastika
Who? No

14) I read the bible for the sex scenes
No

15) During a gay sex act I would rather be the hamster than the man with the hamster in his ass
It is better to give than to recieve...

 

[Ubik Valis]

Part one - which of the following give you an erection - answer yes or no to each question...

1) When a girl rubs against you on a crowded bus/tube
No

2) Sleeping in the same bed as a girl even though nothing sexual happens
No

3) Watching female newsreaders
Depends on the newsreader

4) The gay rape scene in pulp fiction
You wish, Sir_Didier_Drogba

5) Muslim woman in full postbox attire
Only if that muslim woman is Sir_Didier_Drogba

6) Any scene in the first two harry potter movies
NO

7) Fitness videos
No

8) John Wayne beating the **** out of someone
No

9) Marks and Spencers food adverts (non UK members answer N/A)
???

10) Jessica Lovejoy in the Simpsons
Who?

11) Watching two ladybugs get it on
Totally.

12) Listening to any form of rap/R&B music
No.

13) Bald britney
No.

14) Orthadox jews in full attire
See question 5

15) Reading prossie ads in phoneboxes or the "entertainers" section of the yellow pages
Eww...no

Part 2 - do the following statements apply to you

1) I would rather drive 30 miles in a toyote pickup truck than eat a single piece of toast and honey
No

2) If I get cum on the carpet I dont care so long as the white mark is not easily distinguishable as semen and dont try to clean it up
Dont have cum on my carpet

3) If I accidently get onto a bestiality site I take a quick look round before exiting
Of course

4) If I cant tell a girl is actually a man but someone tells me (s)he is it's still ok to jerk off to her/him
No.

5) I find homeless people sexy
No.

6) I wash my hands immediately after touching a dog
Most of the times yes, but that's because I fear I may be allergic (getting tested in October, then I'll know for sure)

7) I would pay considerable money for the Obama and Clinton porn video if one ever leaked
No

8) I think I could make Ann Coulter change her wicked ways in just one night
Either way, I still want to ravage her right-wing vag

9) If I cum in a girls eye and she gets really pissed off and I have to apologise secretly I dont mean it
Of course

10) I would have sex with Kader's girlfriend no matter what she looks like
I'd do Kader

11) I think Sylvester Stallone should make more movies
Hell no.

12) I would shove my dick in a vacuum cleaner if I didnt fear the consequences
See question 9

13) I'd like to **** Prussian Blue in the shape of a swastika
And shoot my dirty Slavic splooge all over them.

14) I read the bible for the sex scenes


15) During a gay sex act I would rather be the hamster than the man with the hamster in his ass
Only if that hamster was Sir_Didier_Drogba

 

[Tom]

Sir_Didier_Drogba is so wishing he hadn't done this now

 

[Filipower]

1) When a girl rubs against you on a crowded bus/tube
No

2) Sleeping in the same bed as a girl even though nothing sexual happens
No

3) Watching female newsreaders
No

4) The gay rape scene in pulp fiction
No

5) Muslim woman in full postbox attire
No

6) Any scene in the first two harry potter movies
No

7) Fitness videos
well..no.

8) John Wayne beating the **** out of someone
No

9) Marks and Spencers food adverts (non UK members answer N/A)
N/A

10) Jessica Lovejoy in the Simpsons
No

11) Watching two ladybugs get it on
No

12) Listening to any form of rap/R&B music
No

13) Bald britney
No

14) Orthadox jews in full attire
No

15) Reading prossie ads in phoneboxes or the "entertainers" section of the yellow pages
No

Part 2 - do the following statements apply to you

1) I would rather drive 30 miles in a toyote pickup truck than eat a single piece of toast and honey
30 miles isn't that bad

2) If I get cum on the carpet I dont care so long as the white mark is not easily distinguishable as semen and dont try to clean it up
Yes

3) If I accidently get onto a bestiality site I take a quick look round before exiting
No

4) If I cant tell a girl is actually a man but someone tells me (s)he is it's still ok to jerk off to her/him
No

5) I find homeless people sexy
If Scarlett's loses her home...(No).

6) I wash my hands immediately after touching a dog
Yes

7) I would pay considerable money for the Obama and Clinton porn video if one ever leaked
No, and who the hell pays for leaked videos?

8) I think I could make Ann Coulter change her wicked ways in just one night
Yes

9) If I cum in a girls eye and she gets really pissed off and I have to apologise secretly I dont mean it
Yes(as in, I don't mean it)

10) I would have sex with Kader's girlfriend no matter what she looks like
Yes, if she's good enough for Kader...

11) I think Sylvester Stallone should make more movies
No

12) I would shove my dick in a vacuum cleaner if I didnt fear the consequences
No

13) I'd like to **** Prussian Blue in the shape of a swastika
No

14) I read the bible for the sex scenes
No. I'm waiting for the movie.

15) During a gay sex act I would rather be the hamster than the man with the hamster in his ass
what? no.

 

[easyeasyeasy]

Part 1
1) No
2) It might do
3) No
4) No
5) Hell no
6) No
7) Sometimes - depends on whose vid it is (someone like that pig Jade off BB makes a stiffy disappear the ugly cow)
8) No
9) No
10) No
11) No
12) No
13) Even when she had hair it's a no (slag!)
14) No
15) No

Part 2
1) No
2) Yes
3) No
4) No
5) No
6) Yes
7) No, and besides, who cares?
8) Who?
9) Yes
10) No
11) No
12) No
13) No
14) No
15) No

 

[Sir Calumn]

You people are all so lame, I'd answer yes to at least half of those questions

Anyway... Parra Power... I have run your answers through my calculating table and am sorry to say that you have one of the most extreme mother complexes I have ever seen... normally I would not promote incest but I would say screwing her is the only way for you to escape the downward spiral you are in... if she is dead/when she dies, you need to make it your lifes persuit to find women who look like her and dress them up in her clothes, it's the only outlet for your built up sexual frustration. I can also tell you that your penis is of average size, your STI risk is 30% and the position most suitable for a man of your sexuality is the Cello.

It takes quite a while to calculate each persons results so I will only do one at a time, will get to you all eventually.

 

[Mandieta6]

Hahahaha, I wanted to wait to see ow funny the results are... but they're worth it:

Part one -
1) Yes (I'm assuming she's fit)
2) Yes (again, assuming)
3) Yes (again)
4) Yes
5) No
6) No
7) Yes
8) No
9) N/A
10) No
11) No
12) No
13) No
14) Yes
15) Yes

Part 2 -

1) No
2) No
3) No
4) No
5) Yes
6) Yes
7) No
8) Yes
9) Yes
10) Yes
11) No
12) Yes
13) No
14) No
15) Er, yeah, sure?

 

[Kibe Kru]

1) When a girl rubs against you on a crowded bus/tube
No

2) Sleeping in the same bed as a girl even though nothing sexual happens
Depends on the girl, but you can count that as a yes

3) Watching female newsreaders
No

4) The gay rape scene in pulp fiction
No

5) Muslim woman in full postbox attire
No

6) Any scene in the first two harry potter movies
No

7) Fitness videos
No

8) John Wayne beating the **** out of someone
No

9) Marks and Spencers food adverts (non UK members answer N/A)
N/A

10) Jessica Lovejoy in the Simpsons
No

11) Watching two ladybugs get it on
No

12) Listening to any form of rap/R&B music
No

13) Bald britney
No

14) Orthadox jews in full attire
No

15) Reading prossie ads in phoneboxes or the "entertainers" section of the yellow pages
No

Part 2 - do the following statements apply to you

1) I would rather drive 30 miles in a toyote pickup truck than eat a single piece of toast and honey
Not sure... uh... no

2) If I get cum on the carpet I dont care so long as the white mark is not easily distinguishable as semen and dont try to clean it up
No

3) If I accidently get onto a bestiality site I take a quick look round before exiting
Yes

4) If I cant tell a girl is actually a man but someone tells me (s)he is it's still ok to jerk off to her/him
No

5) I find homeless people sexy
No

6) I wash my hands immediately after touching a dog
Yes

7) I would pay considerable money for the Obama and Clinton porn video if one ever leaked
No

8) I think I could make Ann Coulter change her wicked ways in just one night
Yes

9) If I cum in a girls eye and she gets really pissed off and I have to apologise secretly I dont mean it
Yes

10) I would have sex with Kader's girlfriend no matter what she looks like
No

11) I think Sylvester Stallone should make more movies
No

12) I would shove my dick in a vacuum cleaner if I didnt fear the consequences
No

13) I'd like to **** Prussian Blue in the shape of a swastika
No

14) I read the bible for the sex scenes
No

15) During a gay sex act I would rather be the hamster than the man with the hamster in his ass
eh?

 

[Tom]

Just because i cannot wait for Sir_Didier_Drogba to give me my results

Part one - which of the following give you an erection - answer yes or no to each question...

1) When a girl rubs against you on a crowded bus/tube
No

2) Sleeping in the same bed as a girl even though nothing sexual happens
No

3) Watching female newsreaders
No

4) The gay rape scene in pulp fiction
No

5) Muslim woman in full postbox attire
No No No.

6) Any scene in the first two harry potter movies
Yes

7) Fitness videos
No

8) John Wayne beating the **** out of someone
No

9) Marks and Spencers food adverts (non UK members answer N/A)
YES

10) Jessica Lovejoy in the Simpsons
HAHA! No

11) Watching two ladybugs get it on
No

12) Listening to any form of rap/R&B music
Yes (Rhianna is hot)

13) Bald britney
No No No

14) Orthadox jews in full attire
No No No

15) Reading prossie ads in phoneboxes or the "entertainers" section of the yellow pages
Yes

Part 2 - do the following statements apply to you

1) I would rather drive 30 miles in a toyote pickup truck than eat a single piece of toast and honey
Yes

2) If I get cum on the carpet I dont care so long as the white mark is not easily distinguishable as semen and dont try to clean it up
No

3) If I accidently get onto a bestiality site I take a quick look round before exiting
I don't exit.

4) If I cant tell a girl is actually a man but someone tells me (s)he is it's still ok to jerk off to her/him
Yes

5) I find homeless people sexy
No.

6) I wash my hands immediately after touching a dog
Yes. I live in Rotherham.

7) I would pay considerable money for the Obama and Clinton porn video if one ever leaked
Haha, no.

8) I think I could make Ann Coulter change her wicked ways in just one night
No.

9) If I cum in a girls eye and she gets really pissed off and I have to apologise secretly I dont mean it
Never say sorry.

10) I would have sex with Kader's girlfriend no matter what she looks like
Damn straight i would.

11) I think Sylvester Stallone should make more movies
Yes Yes Yes.

12) I would shove my dick in a vacuum cleaner if I didnt fear the consequences
No, but it speaks volumes you've written that

13) I'd like to **** Prussian Blue in the shape of a swastika
Who?

14) I read the bible for the sex scenes
Oh god. BA DUM DUSH!

15) During a gay sex act I would rather be the hamster than the man with the hamster in his ass
Both, at the same time...

 

[Sir Calumn]

Avalanche... all I'm going to say to you is that you need to seriously think about getting a new religion... at present you're just not compatible at all

Rony, you're answers show definitively that you are into Maieusiophilia, Gerontophilia, Chremastistophilia, Gynemimetophilia and Thesauromania. So keep on the look out for elderly pregnant male criminals who wear womens clothing and are prepared to give them to you. Have you ever considered joining the Liberal Democrats?

 

[Tajike]

Avalanche... all I'm going to say to you is that you need to seriously think about getting a new religion... at present you're just not compatible at all

Rony, you're answers show definitively that you are into Maieusiophilia, Gerontophilia, Chremastistophilia, Gynemimetophilia and Thesauromania. So keep on the look out for elderly pregnant male criminals who wear womens clothing and are prepared to give them to you. Have you ever considered joining the Liberal Democrats?

I wholeheartedly approve of this system

 

[Back Door Skip]

1) When a girl rubs against you on a crowded bus/tube
No.

2) Sleeping in the same bed as a girl even though nothing sexual happens
Probably. If I'm asleep it'll be a definite yes.

3) Watching female newsreaders
No.

4) The gay rape scene in pulp fiction
No.

5) Muslim woman in full postbox attire
No.

6) Any scene in the first two harry potter movies
Never seen Harry Potter movies, and don't plan to anytime soon. So no.

7) Fitness videos
Yes. When I was younger.

8) John Wayne beating the **** out of someone
No.

9) Marks and Spencers food adverts (non UK members answer N/A)
N/A

10) Jessica Lovejoy in the Simpsons
No.

11) Watching two ladybugs get it on
Never seen two ladybugs bang.

12) Listening to any form of rap/R&B music
No. But some videos will do the trick.

13) Bald britney
No.

14) Orthadox jews in full attire
No. Too hairy.

15) Reading prossie ads in phoneboxes or the "entertainers" section of the yellow pages
No clue.

Part 2 - do the following statements apply to you

1) I would rather drive 30 miles in a toyote pickup truck than eat a single piece of toast and honey
Toyota? And yes.

2) If I get cum on the carpet I dont care so long as the white mark is not easily distinguishable as semen and dont try to clean it up
No, I'm a clean person.

3) If I accidently get onto a bestiality site I take a quick look round before exiting
I exit right away.

4) If I cant tell a girl is actually a man but someone tells me (s)he is it's still ok to jerk off to her/him
Heh, no. There's plenty of other chicks.

5) I find homeless people sexy
No.

6) I wash my hands immediately after touching a dog
No.

7) I would pay considerable money for the Obama and Clinton porn video if one ever leaked
Hell no. In fact, I would never pay for porn period.

8) I think I could make Ann Coulter change her wicked ways in just one night
Don't know her.

9) If I cum in a girls eye and she gets really pissed off and I have to apologise secretly I dont mean it
The closest thing to an apology would be "opps!".

10) I would have sex with Kader's girlfriend no matter what she looks like
I don't know.

11) I think Sylvester Stallone should make more movies
No. He's way past his prime.

12) I would shove my dick in a vacuum cleaner if I didnt fear the consequences
No, thanks.

13) I'd like to **** Prussian Blue in the shape of a swastika
No clue.

14) I read the bible for the sex scenes
Too lazy to read the bible.

15) During a gay sex act I would rather be the hamster than the man with the hamster in his ass
Neither. But gun to my head, I guess I'd be the hamster.

 

[ShiftyPowers]

I'm shocked by the answers to the second question. I'm at full attention all night unless we just got done having sex.