Take Sir_Didier_Drogba's ultimate sexual profiling test

[The Don't]

I know, as soon as the female-infected linen touches me, up I go.

 

[Sir Calumn]

Right, got my cross reference books unpacked and my Excel spreadsheets open and am therefore ready to process some more responses.

RobbieD_PL, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you are suffering from severe erectile dysfuction. You may not notice it yet but, whilst your penis appears and feels to be erect functional, it is infact fully flaccid at all times. The orgasms which you seem to be experiencing are infact phantom orgasms and are all in your mind. Sadly, your results also show me that you are allergic to viagra, so all I can recommend is amyl nitrate and lots of pornography. The good news is that your ejaculations are also all in your mind and therefore you dont have to worry about cleaning up after yourself.

ShearerM4, I have studied your results carefully and can assure you that purchasing the following articles and using them in moments of coitus would dramatically improve your sexual performance and gratification: a cloth cap, two roles of parcel tape, a flashlight, a fleshlight, an old style lawnmower, four white candles, a princess diana 10 year commemorative plate, three tins of Heinz baked beans and a small Christ the redeemer statuette. Just intergrate these things into your foreplay and actual coitus in whatever way comes naturally and I can guarantee a fast and vast improvement.

 

[ShearerM4]

a flashlight, a fleshlight

 

[ShiftyPowers]

Hahahaha, yeah that was definitely the best part.

 

[Klobb]

I:
1. Yes
2. No
3. No
4. No
5. No
6. No
7. No
8. No
9. N/A
10. No
11. No
12. No
13. No
14. No
15. No
II:
1-5.No
6. Yes
7.No
8.Yes
9.Yes
10-12.No
13.Hell yeah!, in full Wehrmacht attire.
14-15. No

 

[Mandieta6]

Hahahaha, yeah that was definitely the best part.

Seconded.

 

[Tom]

a princess diana 10 year commemorative plate

No, no, no, no... no.

 

[Mandieta6]

You don't fancy Diana?

 

[monkeyhappy]

1) When a girl rubs against you on a crowded bus/tube
no
2) Sleeping in the same bed as a girl even though nothing sexual happens
depends, yes i guess
3) Watching female newsreaders
yes
4) The gay rape scene in pulp fiction
no
5) Muslim woman in full postbox attire
no
6) Any scene in the first two harry potter movies
no
7) Fitness videos
no
8) John Wayne beating the **** out of someone
yes
9) Marks and Spencers food adverts (non UK members answer N/A)
no
10) Jessica Lovejoy in the Simpsons
no
11) Watching two ladybugs get it on
no
12) Listening to any form of rap/R&B music
no
13) Bald britney
no
14) Orthadox jews in full attire
no
15) Reading prossie ads in phoneboxes or the "entertainers" section of the yellow pages
no
Part 2 - do the following statements apply to you

1) I would rather drive 30 miles in a toyote pickup truck than eat a single piece of toast and honey
yes
2) If I get cum on the carpet I dont care so long as the white mark is not easily distinguishable as semen and dont try to clean it up
true
3) If I accidently get onto a bestiality site I take a quick look round before exiting
true
4) If I cant tell a girl is actually a man but someone tells me (s)he is it's still ok to jerk off to her/him
false
5) I find homeless people sexy
true
6) I wash my hands immediately after touching a dog
false
7) I would pay considerable money for the Obama and Clinton porn video if one ever leaked
false
8) I think I could make Ann Coulter change her wicked ways in just one night
false
9) If I cum in a girls eye and she gets really pissed off and I have to apologise secretly I dont mean it
true
10) I would have sex with Kader's girlfriend no matter what she looks like
false
11) I think Sylvester Stallone should make more movies
true
12) I would shove my dick in a vacuum cleaner if I didnt fear the consequences
false
13) I'd like to **** Prussian Blue in the shape of a swastika
false!
14) I read the bible for the sex scenes
false
15) During a gay sex act I would rather be the hamster than the man with the hamster in his ass
false

 

[Zlatan]

Part one - which of the following give you an erection - answer yes or no to each question...

1) When a girl rubs against you on a crowded bus/tube
Yes
2) Sleeping in the same bed as a girl even though nothing sexual happens
No
3) Watching female newsreaders
Yes
4) The gay rape scene in pulp fiction
No
5) Muslim woman in full postbox attire
No
6) Any scene in the first two harry potter movies
No
7) Fitness videos
No
8) John Wayne beating the **** out of someone
No
9) Marks and Spencers food adverts (non UK members answer N/A)
N/A
10) Jessica Lovejoy in the Simpsons
No
11) Watching two ladybugs get it on
No
12) Listening to any form of rap/R&B music
No
13) Bald britney
No
14) Orthadox jews in full attire
No
15) Reading prossie ads in phoneboxes or the "entertainers" section of the yellow pages
No

Part 2 - do the following statements apply to you

1) I would rather drive 30 miles in a toyote pickup truck than eat a single piece of toast and honey
Yes
2) If I get cum on the carpet I dont care so long as the white mark is not easily distinguishable as semen and dont try to clean it up
Yes
3) If I accidently get onto a bestiality site I take a quick look round before exiting
Yes
4) If I cant tell a girl is actually a man but someone tells me (s)he is it's still ok to jerk off to her/him
No
5) I find homeless people sexy
No
6) I wash my hands immediately after touching a dog
No
7) I would pay considerable money for the Obama and Clinton porn video if one ever leaked
No
8) I think I could make Ann Coulter change her wicked ways in just one night
No
9) If I cum in a girls eye and she gets really pissed off and I have to apologise secretly I dont mean it
Yes
10) I would have sex with Kader's girlfriend no matter what she looks like
No
11) I think Sylvester Stallone should make more movies
No
12) I would shove my dick in a vacuum cleaner if I didnt fear the consequences
No
13) I'd like to **** Prussian Blue in the shape of a swastika
No
14) I read the bible for the sex scenes
No
15) During a gay sex act I would rather be the hamster than the man with the hamster in his ass
Neither

 

[Tom]

You don't fancy Diana?

You do?

...

 

[Mandieta6]

In terms of deceased royaly, she ranks pretty high in my list.

 

[Tom]

Buy the Express for five days straight, you'll soon want to piss in her eyes or something.

I'm sure i've once said that before on SG, if someone's bored enough - try and find it. Think it was to Shifty.

 

[Mandieta6]

I've done that to 'Leti' already. And all of the royal spanish midgets. Diana's hotter than any of them.

I can just see a paedo joke here.

 

[Hans]

Part one - which of the following give you an erection - answer yes or no to each question...

1) When a girl rubs against you on a crowded bus/tube
No

2) Sleeping in the same bed as a girl even though nothing sexual happens
No

3) Watching female newsreaders
Yes

4) The gay rape scene in pulp fiction
No

5) Muslim woman in full postbox attire
Yes

6) Any scene in the first two harry potter movies
No

7) Fitness videos
No

8) John Wayne beating the **** out of someone
No

9) Marks and Spencers food adverts (non UK members answer N/A)
N/A

10) Jessica Lovejoy in the Simpsons
No

11) Watching two ladybugs get it on
No

12) Listening to any form of rap/R&B music
No

13) Bald britney
No

14) Orthadox jews in full attire
No

15) Reading prossie ads in phoneboxes or the "entertainers" section of the yellow pages
Yes

Part 2 - do the following statements apply to you

1) I would rather drive 30 miles in a toyote pickup truck than eat a single piece of toast and honey
Yes

2) If I get cum on the carpet I dont care so long as the white mark is not easily distinguishable as semen and dont try to clean it up
Yes

3) If I accidently get onto a bestiality site I take a quick look round before exiting
No

4) If I cant tell a girl is actually a man but someone tells me (s)he is it's still ok to jerk off to her/him
No

5) I find homeless people sexy
No

6) I wash my hands immediately after touching a dog
No

7) I would pay considerable money for the Obama and Clinton porn video if one ever leaked
No

8) I think I could make Ann Coulter change her wicked ways in just one night
No

9) If I cum in a girls eye and she gets really pissed off and I have to apologise secretly I dont mean it
No

10) I would have sex with Kader's girlfriend no matter what she looks like
Yes

11) I think Sylvester Stallone should make more movies
Yes

12) I would shove my dick in a vacuum cleaner if I didnt fear the consequences
No

13) I'd like to **** Prussian Blue in the shape of a swastika
???

14) I read the bible for the sex scenes
Yes

15) During a gay sex act I would rather be the hamster than the man with the hamster in his ass
Yes

 

[Sepak]

I find disappointing he stopped answering

 

[Alex]

Yeah Sir_Didier_Drogba, you have people waiting. They probably left the lounge disappointed, and so never came back.

I think too many people were answering the erection questions as "do I ALWAYS get an erection when" rather than just "do I"...otherwise those guys (Fili, Skip!!) clearly haven't had a hot chick rub against you on public transport, or have a full time soft on.

 

[Back Door Skip]

Haha, I have no recollection of this thread.


And yes, a lot has changed, now it's a yes. Especially if I'm sleepy and/or desperate!

 

[Alex]

Haha, I have no recollection of this thread.


And yes, a lot has changed, now it's a yes. Especially if I'm sleepy and/or desperate!

Which means basically always yes, because you're Mexican and a single guy.

 

[Back Door Skip]

Yeeeahh.