No you suck!
-
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The Lame Joke Thread
- Thread starter hot_player7
- Start date
Jaboldinho
Fan Favourite
newbie original;2730629 said:No you suck!
I think it should be: "No, you suck!"
Jaboldinho;2730681 said:
I think it should be:
Jaboldinho;2730681 said:
Keegan
Yardie
Overkill
A horse walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
John Kerry walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
Ted Danson walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
This guy got married to an old-fashioned girl, and as such he respected her family's traditions regarding no sex before marriage. On their wedding night, he proudly whipped out his penis and asked her: "Do you know what this is?" She replied: "That's a pee-pee". He laughed gently and said "You're a married woman now, you can call it a dick!" She replied "I've seen dicks before, and that's a pee-pee!"
A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and . . . . a packet of peanuts. The barman says, why the big pause?"
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
A dog with his foot wrapped in a bloody bandage hobbles into a Western saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"
A goldfish flops into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."
A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. That's not my dog."
A guy walks into a bar. A horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?" The guy says, "Honestly, no. I never thought the parrot would sell the place."
A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The skeleton says, "Give me a beer, and a mop."
A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: "What's the quickest way to get to Dublin?" "Are you walking or driving?" asks the barman. "Driving," says a man. "That's the quickest way," says the barman.
A fellow walks into a pub near Buckingham Palace in London, sits down, and says, "Give me a beer. I've had a rough day at work." And the bartender says, "Oh? What do you do?" The guy says, "I take care of the corgis--you know, the dogs the royal family owns." The bartender asks, "Tough job, huh? The guy says, "Yeah. All that inbreeding has led to low intelligence and bad temperaments. And the dogs aren't too smart, either."
A man goes into a bar and says, "Give me a drink before the trouble starts." And the bartender pours him a drink. He drinks it and says, "Give me another drink before the trouble starts." He downs that one and says, "Give me another drink before the trouble starts." Finally, the bartender asks, "Just when is this trouble going to start?" The man says, "The trouble starts just as soon as I tell you that I don't have any money."
A horse walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
John Kerry walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
Ted Danson walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
This guy got married to an old-fashioned girl, and as such he respected her family's traditions regarding no sex before marriage. On their wedding night, he proudly whipped out his penis and asked her: "Do you know what this is?" She replied: "That's a pee-pee". He laughed gently and said "You're a married woman now, you can call it a dick!" She replied "I've seen dicks before, and that's a pee-pee!"
A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and . . . . a packet of peanuts. The barman says, why the big pause?"
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
A dog with his foot wrapped in a bloody bandage hobbles into a Western saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"
A goldfish flops into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."
A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. That's not my dog."
A guy walks into a bar. A horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?" The guy says, "Honestly, no. I never thought the parrot would sell the place."
A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The skeleton says, "Give me a beer, and a mop."
A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: "What's the quickest way to get to Dublin?" "Are you walking or driving?" asks the barman. "Driving," says a man. "That's the quickest way," says the barman.
A fellow walks into a pub near Buckingham Palace in London, sits down, and says, "Give me a beer. I've had a rough day at work." And the bartender says, "Oh? What do you do?" The guy says, "I take care of the corgis--you know, the dogs the royal family owns." The bartender asks, "Tough job, huh? The guy says, "Yeah. All that inbreeding has led to low intelligence and bad temperaments. And the dogs aren't too smart, either."
A man goes into a bar and says, "Give me a drink before the trouble starts." And the bartender pours him a drink. He drinks it and says, "Give me another drink before the trouble starts." He downs that one and says, "Give me another drink before the trouble starts." Finally, the bartender asks, "Just when is this trouble going to start?" The man says, "The trouble starts just as soon as I tell you that I don't have any money."
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q: Why don't people play poker on the Serengeti?
A: Too many cheetahs.
Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: They would look funny with glove compartments.
--------------------------X---------------------------------
A large slab of concrete walks into a bar and bellows at the barman:
"Im a part of the INSERT NAME Highway, and I'm really hard - I can drink 10 pints of lager." And the barman pulls ten pints and the slab of concrete drinks them all one after the other.
As soon as he finishes another, larger piece of concrete walks into the bar and shouts "I'm part of the INSERT DIFFERENT NAME Highway and I'm even harder - I can drink 20 pints of lager," and the barman pulls the 20 pints and the slab of concrete drinks them all one after the other.
As soon as he finishes a small red brick trots into the bar, and asks, in a high pitch squeaky voice "a glass of coke please!"
On seeing the tiny red brick, the two slabs of concrete start shaking in fear. After serving the red brick the barman walks over to the concrete slabs.
"What are you boys so scared about, I thought you were really hard, as soon as that little red brick came in you were shaking like leaves"
And the slab of M1 concrete says. "Haven't you heard? That brick's a cycle path."
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q: Why don't people play poker on the Serengeti?
A: Too many cheetahs.
Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: They would look funny with glove compartments.
--------------------------X---------------------------------
A large slab of concrete walks into a bar and bellows at the barman:
"Im a part of the INSERT NAME Highway, and I'm really hard - I can drink 10 pints of lager." And the barman pulls ten pints and the slab of concrete drinks them all one after the other.
As soon as he finishes another, larger piece of concrete walks into the bar and shouts "I'm part of the INSERT DIFFERENT NAME Highway and I'm even harder - I can drink 20 pints of lager," and the barman pulls the 20 pints and the slab of concrete drinks them all one after the other.
As soon as he finishes a small red brick trots into the bar, and asks, in a high pitch squeaky voice "a glass of coke please!"
On seeing the tiny red brick, the two slabs of concrete start shaking in fear. After serving the red brick the barman walks over to the concrete slabs.
"What are you boys so scared about, I thought you were really hard, as soon as that little red brick came in you were shaking like leaves"
And the slab of M1 concrete says. "Haven't you heard? That brick's a cycle path."
To the guy who asked me* to use normal sized letter type....
NO!!!
There are larger fonts FOR A REASON!!! Have you ever thought about using larger fonts yourself, every once in a while, rather than trying to convince me NOT to use them every once in a while?
Besides, it's not like I typed out a paragraph in large font....just a few words.
* via private messaging/that rep thing.......
NO!!!
There are larger fonts FOR A REASON!!! Have you ever thought about using larger fonts yourself, every once in a while, rather than trying to convince me NOT to use them every once in a while?
Besides, it's not like I typed out a paragraph in large font....just a few words.
* via private messaging/that rep thing.......
rpvankasteren
Fan Favourite
PMS much?
rpvankasteren;2732279 said:
It's not PM, it's that **** thing that you click on to "Add/Subtract from someone's reputation"......that's where the idiot decided to post that comment.
rpvankasteren;2732279 said:
You damn BITCH!!!
hot_player7
Youth Team
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'Start' but there is no 'Stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any 'Re-scooter' is available in system? I find only 'Re-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learn 'Microsoft Word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
6.. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
7. There is 'microsoft office' what about 'microsoft home' since I use the PC at home only.
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Blasah Singh
P.S.
Last one to Mr. Bill Gates: Sir, how is it that your name is gates but you are selling windows?
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'Start' but there is no 'Stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any 'Re-scooter' is available in system? I find only 'Re-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learn 'Microsoft Word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
6.. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
7. There is 'microsoft office' what about 'microsoft home' since I use the PC at home only.
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Blasah Singh
P.S.
Last one to Mr. Bill Gates: Sir, how is it that your name is gates but you are selling windows?
D
Dipanjan
Guest
hot_player7;2733652 said:
And the name is Indian, what else could you expect?
Knock Knock
Who's there
Tom
Tom who?
Tom just posted a lame joke.
Who's there
Tom
Tom who?
Tom just posted a lame joke.
Alejandrix
Reserve Team
Knock Knock
Who's there
Newbie
Newbie who?
Newbie just posted a retard lame joke.
Who's there
Newbie
Newbie who?
Newbie just posted a retard lame joke.
Jaboldinho
Fan Favourite
Knock Knock
-Who's there?
Def Leppard Drum Solo
-Who's there?
Def Leppard Drum Solo
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Victor-
Victor who?
Victor-ious, Happy and Glorious!
-----------------X-------------------
A blonde was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over.
The cop walks up to the blonde and says "Excuse me m'am, could I please see your driving license and registration?"
The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
Who's there?
Victor-
Victor who?
Victor-ious, Happy and Glorious!
-----------------X-------------------
A blonde was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over.
The cop walks up to the blonde and says "Excuse me m'am, could I please see your driving license and registration?"
The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"