Thelonious
Senior Squad
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
kick his sister in the jaw
kick his sister in the jaw
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JOKES!! Post them here!
- Thread starter b-ytter
- Start date
goal_machine84
Senior Squad
After Bill Gates enjoyed his honeymoon, the next morning he woke up to find out that his wife had left.
He read on a note : NOW I KNOW WHY U CALL UR COMPANY MICROSOFT !
He read on a note : NOW I KNOW WHY U CALL UR COMPANY MICROSOFT !
NASTY PASTY
Youth Team
A guy is driving along the motorway at 70mph when a motorcyclist with a cigarette in his mouth pulls alongside and taps on the window.
The driver winds his window down and the biker asks him if he has a light...
The motorist says "you bloody idiot, you're gonna kill yourself"
The biker replies "But I only smoke 2 a day"...
The driver winds his window down and the biker asks him if he has a light...
The motorist says "you bloody idiot, you're gonna kill yourself"
The biker replies "But I only smoke 2 a day"...
goal_machine84
Senior Squad
Found it on another forum....might be old but still, m bored 
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in
October 1995.
Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collison
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collison
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET.
WE ARE ACCOMPANIED By THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE
DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF
THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in
October 1995.
Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collison
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collison
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET.
WE ARE ACCOMPANIED By THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE
DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF
THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
MaestroZidane
YELLOW CARD: Untrustworthy
hahaha 
thats a good laugh
thats a good laugh
:funny:goal_machine84
Senior Squad
nice one theo
Q. Whats long and hard and a Polish woman gets on her wedding night?
A new surname name.
Q. Whats long and hard and a Polish woman gets on her wedding night?
A new surname name.
I didn't make any of these up but anyways:
Your friend's mom is so fat that when she sits around the Christmas tree, she sits around the christmas tree.
Your friends mom is so fat that her picture's heavy.
In a massiveness contest, she came 1st, 2nd, and 3rd.
When I asked her, "Why're you always carrying around 50 cents, she said that she heard it was going platinum."
She's so fat that when she sat on the curb, she made the driveway and then to iron her pants, they have to do it with a steam roller on the driveway.
Your other friends mom is so skinny that when she ate an M&M, she looked 6 months pregenant.
Your friend's mom is so fat that when she sits around the Christmas tree, she sits around the christmas tree.
Your friends mom is so fat that her picture's heavy.
In a massiveness contest, she came 1st, 2nd, and 3rd.
When I asked her, "Why're you always carrying around 50 cents, she said that she heard it was going platinum."
She's so fat that when she sat on the curb, she made the driveway and then to iron her pants, they have to do it with a steam roller on the driveway.
Your other friends mom is so skinny that when she ate an M&M, she looked 6 months pregenant.
D
Dan the monkey
Guest
Aah, those jokes bring me back when I was a young 'un back in the Infants School playground.
I remember one of my friends told me this joke a couple of years back, it was funny when he spoke it, but it probably won't be when I type it.
A lady is at the park with her child. As she's going back home, she realizes that her child has been kidnapped. The woman who kidnapped the child is a blonde. The kidnapping blonde sends the child back home to her mom with a note demanding $10,000 to be left by the tree at the park. When the kidnapper goes to check for the $10,000 at the park, she finds an envelope with the $10,000 and a note saying "how can you do this to a fellow blonde."
A lady is at the park with her child. As she's going back home, she realizes that her child has been kidnapped. The woman who kidnapped the child is a blonde. The kidnapping blonde sends the child back home to her mom with a note demanding $10,000 to be left by the tree at the park. When the kidnapper goes to check for the $10,000 at the park, she finds an envelope with the $10,000 and a note saying "how can you do this to a fellow blonde."
